Defying Definitions: 28 Years of Living My Own Truth

 

April 10th marks a profound personal milestone. Twenty-eight years ago, on April 10th, 1997, I stepped off the plane at Toronto International Airport, alone, into a country utterly new and unknown. There was no meticulously crafted plan, only an unwavering determination to forge my own path. Now, on April 10th, 2025, looking back, the journey feels incredibly significant. I arrived carrying the weight of someone else's aspirations, and from there, I had to weave in my own dreams. Some initial decisions weren't mine, but ultimately, I charted my own course, and I hold no regrets.

"The most profound journeys are often those taken without a map, guided only by the compass of your own heart."

When loved ones inquire about guilt, my answer remains a firm no, never. No guilt, no regrets, because every decision I made felt right for me, and I consciously ensured they didn't negatively impact others. Venturing down unconventional paths has gifted me invaluable life lessons, the kind that classrooms and textbooks can't offer, not even the well-intentioned guidance of parents who always sought to shield me. But life, as it often does, had its own script. I've been blessed with the amazing experience of connecting with diverse individuals, forming cherished friendships, and exploring a multifaceted career. I deliberately pushed my boundaries, embracing discomfort in various professional roles, and emerged a successful human being. These opportunities shattered the self-imposed limitations, proving that the "I can't" I once believed was a lie. The girl who once feared solo autorickshaw rides has since navigated unfamiliar territories and thrived. I've indeed come a long way.

"Every unexpected turn holds the potential for a beautiful discovery about yourself and the world."

The same girl whom some classmates envisioned solely as a capable housewife, adept at cooking sambar, now finds herself working in the tech industry in North America—a reality they, too, share today. The truth is, society often attempts to define and confine us based on external perceptions, but true empowerment lies in self-belief and pursuing one's own convictions. I'm filled with gratitude for the countless anonymous acts of kindness: the stranger who guided me when I was lost after a bus ride, the person who pointed me towards my destination. These stories underscore the inherent humanity and the presence of good-hearted individuals who offer assistance without judgment, helping us navigate towards our chosen paths.

"In the tapestry of life, every thread, planned or unplanned, contributes to the beauty of the whole. Gratitude weaves it all together."

My childhood dream was simple: a life on a farm, a small hut surrounded by nature, sustenance from the land, and cooking with the aid of a trusty geyser – a vivid dream that felt like a deep-seated yearning. Today, my reality far surpasses that initial vision, and I am overflowing with gratitude. I fondly remember my dear friend Carol (who passed away too soon) making me promise not to leave Canada for the USA. I kept that promise for a time, but years after her passing, meeting Vinod led me to the United States. And I can honestly say, people in the USA are kind too. Life is beautiful, and we must do what resonates with our own journey. Don't seek external validation; it's unnecessary. Carry your dreams and aspirations, not the burden of others' opinions. Extend love to everyone and give back where you can. Ultimately, we are all on a cyclical journey.

"Twenty-eight years later, I realize the most beautiful chapters are often the ones I never saw coming."

"The girl who stepped off that plane couldn't have imagined this life, and for that, I am eternally grateful."

Gratitude fills my heart for a loving husband who is also my best friend and an incredible father. My children, in their constant state of growth, allow me to relive my own childhood – the highs of high school, the milestones of college, the excitement of that first job. Isn't there a unique joy in growing up again and again? Perhaps we never truly grow up, for it's in that perpetual state of learning and making mistakes that we gain wisdom. I realize now that I've spent more of my life outside my birth country than within it. This day always prompts reflection, a yearly striving to become a better version of myself – a journey that continues.

"Don't wait for permission to bloom; plant your own seeds and trust the unfolding." 

~ Dawn

Things end but memories last forever..!

 

Today I want to talk about unforgettable experience. I have many when I think of it because in life there are so many opportunities where we experience good or not so good but those remains in our mind like a memory book. The moment you think of it, like each page the incident or the experience unfolds one by one.

"Memories are timeless treasure of heart."

I am going to share one of them today with my friends here.

I was in Toronto, Canada in they year 1997 May timeframe when I had just started a parti-time cashier's job as I was new in the country and I was still looking for a job based on my education and my interest. Once you land your bill starts so its better to get going with any job that you get and that's how I ended up at this role. It was at Marche in downtown. My job was only on weekends because weekdays other cashiers would be there and hence I don't get a chance to work on weekdays but I used that time to apply at different jobs and give interviews etc.

I started my job a week ago and the problem was that I was always reaching my job late though I am always ahead of my time waiting for the bus but I only get it at 9 am and hence I used to be late. I got first time a warning from the manager saying, if I don't come on time he will fire me. 

I was very stressed and not only that but I was very scared too as I was new in the country. I used to be at the stop at 6 am to reach 9 am and still I get the bus at 9 am from my stop. I was very frustrated and I asked the people where I was renting and they also didn't give me any proper guidance as they said go early and stand at the bus-stop.

That day after getting the warning from the boss for the second time, I was very nervous because my fear of loosing this job, then how am I going to pay the rent? How I am going to pay for my grocery, my bus-pass and so forth and all these worries were sitting on my head and I was getting tensed.

"We don't remember days, we remember moments."

This was my 2nd week's weekend and I decided I have to go early no matter what. As usual I got ready and went to the bus-stop and waited. There were not a single person around there except me and at times you will see some cars would drive by and people inside would stare at me. I used to get nervous because being a woman standing alone at the bus-stop early morning and Sun had to come yet. All the street lights were still on and in my mind I would say, You have to reach on time. You can't give another change for your boss to scold you.

I kept repeating in my mind and I saw couple people wearing jackets walking by the bus-stop. But I thought they must be going some other place so I didn't bother but when I saw frequency of people going increased, I stopped one guy who was passing by the bus-stop and I said, Excuse me please! do you know when the bus will come because I have been waiting since long time and I have to reach downtown by 9 am. Can you help?

The guy seemed from Sri Lanka and how you will wonder but it's not a tough to recognize for people like us who are coming from India. If I say they have a different look, some will laugh but believe me, Sri Lankan Tamil person has a unique feature and they speak different type of Tamil language than people speaking Tamil in Chennai, India.

The guy looked at me and smiled, said the bus here will come at 9 am and if you want to catch an early bus then you can walk with me as on weekends, this area buses only starts at 9 am whereas, if we walk a half a mile, you will see there is Blue Night Network bus service that goes overnight. This was an enlightenment for me because first of all no one told me about this and now I was going to discover this blue night service bus which I will have to walk a mile now from my home but at least there is a hope.

I literally wanted to hold his hand and say thank you, but he was a stranger and I said I will walk behind you but thank you for your guidance because if today you were not here I probably would have lost my job. He smiled and walked in front.

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

I reached the stop and what I see is all those people who were passing by the bus-stop that I was waiting at they were all heading to this bus-stop to catch the blue night service bus so they can go to their work.

I was so happy, so relieved, so tension-free that when I got in the bus I thanked the gentleman again and then I went and stood at one corner as the bus was crowded and seats were all taken. 

As the bus was crossing Eglington station due to traffic the bus was stopping in between and this gentleman got down in between and then suddenly appeared with two coffee in his hand and offered one to me. I was surprised but he said please have it, you looked so tensed I thought I can at least do this because I don't know if I will ever meet you again.

Those words melt my heart and I accepted the coffee and thanked him again. After taking few sips when I look, this man disappeared and I kept on looking for him front of the bus back of the bus, inside and outside of the bus and I couldn't find him ever.

"People say that bad memories cause the most pain, but actually it's the good ones that drive you insane."

That day onwards I was always on time in fact ahead of my schedule and manager was happy too.

Even today when I think of that day, I tell myself if he had not shown the way to the blue night service bus then probably I would have lost my job. I was new and naive in that country and anyone could easily make out that I am new here and could have taken advantage of my situation but nothing like that happened.

I still remember that face but I never met him ever after that day.

Often we meet people in life for a reasons!

"Life brings tears, smiles and memories. The tears dry, smiles fade, but the memories last forever."

~ Dawn

Life is nothing but...

When you find your demerits,

And accept it then you put all effort,

To change them and make it work for you,

Similarly something happened with me too,

When I saw that my colleagues in telemarketing,

Were better than me, I put all my effort in learning,

With hard-work and dedication I became sales champ,

Initially my job used to be from 4 pm to 11 pm,

With my performance, I got three more projects added,

Into my portfolio for selling on the phone,

Now I work from 8 am to 11 pm 

Work, work, work, sell, sell, sell, products and products,

If you trust your product, it's easier to sell,

Every call of mine started becoming a sale,

Something which I never even thought in my dreams,

To be a top sales representative on phones for cold calls,

That too the products were, credit cards, insurance, electricity,

Long-distance calling packages, Phone companies,

I had never imagined people would buy these on the phone,

But it was the truth, and I believe like they say,

If you sell from your heart the other heart will listen to it,

One floor to the next floor and so forth,

I became famous in the office building,

Many became my friends, and admirers,

So many shared their love and some got rejections,

It's true success brings happiness and love too,

I don't have greed and never did had then either,

Life is to live in the moment and so I lived my moment,

I always had a dream to watch in person India playing cricket,

And that day has arrived too as I read Toronto Star newspaper,

I had decided on Sunday, I am going to watch the match in person,

Monday to Saturday was my work in the Call Center,

It was an hourly job for $10, it was like grasping at straws,

On top of that I was selling few products from 8 am to 11 pm,

It was India and Pakistan Sahara-Cup friendly match in 1997,

I was able to see Sachin - the God of Cricket and Azhar then Captain,

My dream Azhar batting on the field was a mesmerizing moment,

Me common person and they well-known famous celebrities,

Shaking hands with each-other and asking well-being of each other,

Ravi Shastri the commentator too was an interesting in person,

Dada- Saurav Ganguly- that moment still in my heart and mind,

Indian and Pakistani players together in warm-up sessions,

Helping each-other during warm-ups and net practice,

Life is nothing but only love, that's how I see this world!

~ Dawn

This was my first experience!

Living  alone has its own fun,

Fun and despair at the same time,

But if you have a goal in mind,

Nothing can distract you from it,

My goal was to stay there and learn,

Wanted to focus on my sales in Call Center,

Took the training very seriously and,

Understood the product better to sell,

Analyzed the benefits of it for self,

One thing was sure about me 

If I have really liked the product,

I am definitely going to sell easily,

I have always sold products from my heart,

Without cheating and without putting pressure,

I never had a confidence that I will sell anything,

But here, I was making sales 30 everyday,

My job was a bit strange as a telemarketer,

It starts at 4 pm and ends at 11 pm at night,

I used to reach to people where its no 9 pm yet,

I have heard and seen door-to-door sales,

But selling on the phone as telemarketing,

This was my first experience!

~ Dawn

Learn to adjust...

The way the training was going on,

It was clear its a sales job, you have to sell,

My situation wasn't such that,

I could say 'no' and walk-out from there,

I used to feel that's rude and mean to say,

But for me there wasn't any option either,

I had heard education is very expensive here,

I was lucky to to get learn about sales technique,

And whatever came in my way I learned,

It will come useful everywhere,

After two days of tough training,

We were sent to the call center to sell,

When earlier everyone was telling me to opt for sales job,

Because I can speak English and should try my luck there,

But I can't even imagine myself selling as I freak out, even now,

Till now there was no need of office going clothes,

As in the restaurant I had uniform and apron,

Here I will have to go in professional attire,

So I shared my dilemma with the Maharashtrian lady,

She took me to a Goodwill's store,

Here people donate their clothes and that's washed and sold here,

I bought a few for myself to wear in the office,

The lady wasn't that happy with everything going,

Not sure what was the issue was it I left the job or will I earn more now?

Anyhow, I had to move out of that place,

As the lady had given the ultimatum to find my own,

I looked around an apartment for rent at 

St Dennis Drive on the 8th floor,

At least here it will be my world and my ways,

Initially I was scared as I was still new here,

I never lived alone so far here,

As I landed I was at Pastor's house and then this lady,

I really want to thank both of them for my experience,

Today anyone asks, I suggest not to live with roommates,

If you want to stay, stay alone or else

Learn to adjust with roommates !

~ Dawn

You got to take risk in life...!

In all my effort and risks that I took,

No one ever encouraged me ever here,

Everyone say don't leave the cashier job,

At least you're at restaurant where you get food,

I feel either people are happy in what they are doing,

Or else they are scared of taking risks,

My problem was my boredom for sure,

But at least I should work as per my education,

Otherwise how would I challenge myself

How would I learn something and teach something,

Life was becoming difficult and depressing too,

I had to challenge myself and take some risks,

To feel life and live from a new point of view,

For me challenges were living life,

With the lady I had good and bad days,

The lady didn't like me looking for better opportunities,

Overall after living for three and half months,

The lady asked me to find my own way,

She insisted and took me to a place for renting apartment,

I had to pay 200 dollars deposit to get apartment in two weeks,

When I followed up there was no phone and no company,

The person did collect money from many and ran off,

All this and the behavior of lady left a bad taste in mouth,

In all this my training had started and I bid farewell from Movenpick,

Some were worried for me as how I will be?

And some thought I was brave,

Well you got to take risk in life,

Or else what would you get?

~ Dawn

Save your own life first

Let's look at my job that time,

A Cashier's job is not just counting money,

In fact cooking, sweeping the floor, washing dishes,

Many times I felt what have I achieved coming this far,

In a developed country my degree would be of some use I thought,

But here immigrants have to prove their caliber,

Well, let me tell you what happened one day,

One Saturday in Summer time, 

Restaurant was packed with tourists from across 

Business was good that day with collections,

My cash tray was filled with American dollars,

While helping a customer at the cash counter,

A hand came from behind on the cash tray,

The moment I saw the hand I caught him,

That hand grabbed the money from the tray,

He was trying to run with that cash,

How would I allow him to run with that cash?

After all I grew up in National Defense Academy,

How could I let him go so easily

I just caught him in all enthusiasm from behind,

He was seven feet tall guy and his shirt was in my hand,

I was only 5 feet 4 inches but I had no less energy and excitement,

With bravery I caught the thief and also released him,

If it was India where a girl catches a thief 

Everyone will come to rescue and help to catch the thief,

At least India was like that when I grew up there,

Well, after catching the thief I called for my manager Peter

Since he didn't showed up and rest of the people were watching the scene,

I said to the thief, go man its your day,

I went inside and asked the manager you didn't come to help?

The thief has robbed the money and left,

Manager without an eye contact, said he was busy,

Well, he was having his pasta at that time,

Here things were different I was kind a crazy for them,

The cops came and inquired and investigated,

There was a scratch on my hand with the nail of that thief,

Cop said, you're lucky that you're alive,

If he had a gun in his pocket and if he had aimed at you?

That day I learned a lesson there,

No matter what happens save your own life first,

Here no one cares for anyone, everyone mind their own business,

I reached home that evening when I came to know it was on TV,

A brave India girl got saved from getting killed!

~ Dawn

Sun is never the same from dawn to dusk..

At King street we were only a week

Then we shifted to condominium,

Here I didn't have a room for self,

I was sharing with the 9 year old kid,

Time used to pass very well with the kid,

Now after work I used to go day time work

At the restaurant where lady's husband worked,

Big cities, big restaurants had all this show-biz,

But only the employees who work their know, 

The real story of their life with minimum wages,

It was like people had only one dream how to add hours,

Drop by drop the hours will pay more 

But then it comes around there you earn more,

You pay tax more to the government,

But then if you earn less how would you manage expense,

The whole world is grinding under this,

I had a good job in India which I left

I wondered is this why I came all the way here?

I was not happy with this and this is the only job I have,

As per the lady, she kept pestering you shouldn't leave this,

I used to feel bad for such discouragement,

I used to consider them as family,

The lady used to go to work during the day,

Her hubby would leave in the evening to return at 4 am,

To make both ends meet this was the job,

I had decided I won't be at this job for long,

I gave myself four months to find another job,

The daughter used to like me we were friends,

We used to spend time talking discussing and playing,

Lady used to be insulting sometimes with her behavior,

Her parents were visiting and they loved me 

But the lady didn't invite me for her daughter's birthday,

She didn't want to invite me as I had less salary and a small job,

But the mother invited with love and affection,

She mentioned you are part of this family,

You must come for the birthday party,

I respected the mother and so went for the party,

Took a small gift for the little girl,

Lady after seeing me said, I didn't invite you

Because you may not have money to buy gift,

I still remember the expression and moment of that time,

One doesn't have to be in a situation forever,

Things change and one gets an opportunity to change,

The husband and the daughter were nice and polite to me,

Probably in this country I was scared to live alone,

I still decided to stay their and ignored everything else,

When lady had to get groceries she would be nice and polite,

I used to fall for those and help getting bags of rice and potatoes  

We used to go in bus to get these from far and carry the weight alone,

In all this if I get delayed to give rent because I couldn't get the cash,

She would really mess up my day with taunts,

In the beginning things were good but as time started moving,

The lady's behavior was different and disrespectful,

I used to wash the pots nice and shiny 

Since then that became my job,

Sometimes I would forget all this and make Indian crepe dosa,

I used to give hair massage and shoulder massage when they asked,

But then even Sun is never the same from dawn to dusk,

So I believed myself that my time will also turn into good!

~ Dawn

 

I lost something and gained too...

The Maharashtrian lady had called me,

Her husband would be at home when I reach,

I also conveyed about Pastor dropping me,

She cautioned her husband about the Pastor,

We reached quickly while listening to Jesus songs,

It was downtown area quite a hustle-bustle one,

The lady's house was a two-story townhome,

As I was knocking at the door Pastor came running,

The husband opened the door and introduced himself,

I also shook my hand and introduced myself,

I said, this is Pastor came to drop me till here,

The husband smiled and said to the Pastor,

Parked in the wrong place cops may ticket you,

The Pastor heard cops, he ran towards his car,

After that I never saw Pastor in this life,

Very nicely and respectfully welcomed me home,

The Maharashtraian lady's husband was from Goa,

With hospitality he showed me my room,

That evening was very deep for me,

As if I lost something and gained too,

My evening was with the lady's nine year old daughter,

Husband was a Movenpick's restaurant manager,

He said if you want you can earn more money 

I can arrange some 2-3 hours overtime for you,

You don't have to pay the rent here 

Save your money and buy your own home.

Listening to all this, I was wondering husband-wife,

What a difference in both of their thoughts,

I couldn't figure out whom should I thank that night!

~ Dawn

The biggest mistake that I made...

Life was going on without Pastor being there

Weekends I used to go to work and come late

Weekdays the usual chores and the tuition class

Evening I would watch ER-tv series with Pastor's daughter,

That too under the blanket on a mini-tv set,

In Pentecostal religion watching tv, singing dancing is forbidden,

Daughter sings well but only allowed to sing in praise of Jesus,

Everyone was living their dreams in one way or the other,

By hiding or by living in the name of God and religion,

My weekly talk with Yamuna was a big relief to me,

Life was going peaceful until Pastor's arrival from India,

Since the day he came started asking about the translation,

He was not very happy with my progress on the translation of songs,

It was Sunday and I came home late as I had work that weekend,

I remembered Tom had told me he was leaving for Malaysia for work,

I had a bad headache and so I took medicine and went to bed,

Early morning at 3 am Pastor knocked by door for long,

I couldn't get up due to the medicine and didn't want to get up,

Morning 9 am I got up when Pastor came by there,

He was upset and started some taunting verses,

According to Pastor I didn't do good by not attending the prayer,

I was not up for the 3 am prayer when their son was flying to Malaysia,

Since I didn't get up it was the biggest mistake that I made,

He had decided in his mind to punish me that evening!

~ Dawn

I was missing my country badly..

So we were talking about

Pastor's daughter who took me 

Out for a trip in the city,

We got down from the bus

It was with hustle-bustle like a market,

With loudspeaker playing around loud,

I still remember the song as which one it is

you are my hero number one

Indian film Hero Number One, Govinda singing,

My eyes were filled with tears,

Pastor's daughter wanted to see this intensity,

It was almost a month since I left my country,

And I was missing my country badly,

That was the reason when I heard Hindi song,

I cried, and I cried loud as if there is no restriction,

Looking at this scene Pastor's daughter got scared,

she asked if I am okay? said, I was just,

I wanted to show you this place,

I was sure that you would like this place,

This is Gerrard Street, Irish name

But a small India was living here

Like the streets of India in Delhi,

Connaught Place or like Laxmi Road in Pune,

It was packed with people like a fair,

We were not there long because,

We had restrictions from Pastor's house,

That day and that image was in my heart,

As if someone gives you a moment to live and

Then say live your life but have to go now

I remember we had corn and then we left,

Went by same TTC streetcar, train and bus,

We reached home quietly and saw no one

Pastor's wife was working late 

As she gets more money for that

Here everything was about per hour at work,

Everyone got to work hard to bring food to the table,

That night was special for me, so

I spent time with Pastor's daughter,

Few good moments saw with her,

Who is George Clooney? Got to know that night,

I thanked her from my heart.

For that night !

~ Dawn

An opportunity to learn...

Many times we learn things

And assume that we know a lot,

At least we think we understand,

But many times that’s not true,

In this journey of mine in Canada 

I got opportunity to learn about

And understand about many things

Like about lesbians,

That they can be everywhere

But I never heard of any of this,

Not even a word in my country,

One thing I understood that.

We all are human and still

We don’t have to think alike,

We don’t have to be same,

But we still have to coexist,

Felt good that people are open

They at least openly talk about it

Good or bad but at least they talk,

If you hide and suppress things,

Nothing is going to change,

Everywhere and every person,

Can only progress if they ask questions,

Or at least by raising their voice,

Which is important too,

Or else its like powerlessness

Like a frog that hasn’t seen the world

Living in the well!

~ Dawn

New views of new world...

The bank account was opened and active,

So I handed the rent cheque to Pastor

As soon he took the cheque he said 

This is the glory of Jesus, praise the lord !

After that he called me for a prayer,

Entire family was there for the prayer,

After the prayer Pastor called me on the side,

Said, I will be leaving for India in couple of days,

Promise me that you won’t go to other Pastor,

The other Pastor may call and I don’t want you to go,

I was shocked and upset too that this is still a topic ?

Well, I asked what happened Pastor why now?

He said, my wife is a patient and I don’t want,

Her to suffer with any such shocks and if you want to go 

Then you must go now while I am here and not later,

I had no such intentions about leaving this place,

And I had given my word for that matter to him,

Then why this questions?

Pastor asked me to promise him before he leaves for his trip,

I assured him and gave my best wishes for happy journey,

After that Pastor left for India very happily,

On this end life was no different that the usual,

That’s when the other Pastor called me on phone,

It was framed as if I asked for this call,

Pastor’s wife gave the phone to me saying did you asked him to call?

I was upset that I am like a football in between these Pastors,

And I said I don’t want to talk to anyone,

Pastor’s wife said, talk otherwise he will think I restricted you.

Poor me, what can I do in all this but just do what is said?

Picked the receiver a very pleasant invitation came from that end,

Looking at the overall situation, I decided to say No!

And I did in such a way that even Pastor’s wife could hear,

Pastor’s wife was happy as she expressed her affection to me,

Time was just passing and often Tom when he comes to the kitchen,

His Mom would scold him and send him back to his room.

Pastor’s daughter became a good friend there,

She used to share her singing hobby, her likes and dislikes,

All this and more she would share with me and I felt we are all same,

During this time Pastor’s daughter asked me for a help,

She said we look more or less same,

Why don’t you take my ID and give my math exam,

Teaching math that too without any fee is fine,

But this seems like a plan to send me to jail?

I had to tell her nicely that I worked hard in life,

And I came here too on my merits not to go to jail,

If you study well you will be able to write it and all will be fine,

She was a thirteen year old teen but was like a friend,

Seeing me in deep thoughts and sad, she asked me one day,

Will you come with me to a place I want to show you something,

I asked what about your Mom, will she agree?

Daughter said, she won’t be there as she has work that day,

We both will go but don’t tell this to anyone,

That afternoon me and Pastor’s daughter went on a trip,

First on TTC bus, then subway and then streetcar 

While traveling on these she says did you see her?

Out of curious I said who?

The lesbian who was sitting next to you,

Lesbian? How would I know that?

I have not seen anyone like that!

~ Dawn