Chaos!

There are people, 

there are houses, 

buildings and chaos!

There are temples,

Mosques, Churches,

and then there is more chaos!

Wish people spoke to each other,

And not hide behind the walls

in these buildings and houses,

Not fight for the buildings.

Which they call house of God,

Yet all the drama is about that,

Peace! Let live and Let other live!!!

~ Dawn

 

Love will travel as far as you let it. It has no limits..!

 

Today I am going to talk about long distance relationship. Many people think it's not good to have long distance relationship and often parents say that it won't work out so better not have it. Many people also say that the extra distance will not make many things achievable hence don't take things seriously.

I had a relationship that started long distance, not that it was meant to be or should I say that I never thought it will even be a relationship. The extra distance was more or less a safety kit for me and I felt being a girl that is a better option.

"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." ~ Rafael Ortiz

I was working and I didn't want any boyfriend headaches and keeping the extra distance will allow me to see how the person is and if I have to say no, then I don't have to deal with him at my door step. 

We started with a chat on messenger and then exchanged phone numbers and we spoke to each other on two different weekends, and I thought its good to have a friend and that's about it.

Next day I get an email saying how I am, take care and have a great day. I also replied in similar lines and these short communication kept us going well, until the next weekend came and he proposed me on an email and then on phone.

We kept our communication clear, set the expectation as I was not only far but my time zone was also three hours ahead of his and that gave me to set the ground rules, 9:00 PM I go to sleep and if he calls me after that which is his 6:00 PM, I will not pick up the call.

If he is interested he will take out time and that's how it happened. Our communication time was set and that was about it. Less is more. 

"If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart."

This gave us an opportunity to know each other in whatever time we set for communication and kept us longing for each other which was really a good feeling.

I set some ground rules and expectations for each other as we both are adults and independent individuals and we don't have to change each other unless we ourselves decide and believe me that worked well for us.

As we started knowing each other better, we planned to meet and we both came half way somewhere in between New York and thus you know what the person is when in person you meet. Some of the small gestures shows whether you care for each other or not.

I started diary writing and poetry as a kid when I was eight years old and so I asked him too to write and this really changed his life as he never thought he would be able to write but with my encouragement he started writing poetry and prose and today he has published two books and been on the San Jose poetry board - so doing things together did achieve great things on the way.

In all this we gave each other our own space and this really helped our relationship to make a goal for us and after long distance relationship of one and half years we decided to marry each other. 

"One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together" ~ Anonymous

So I believe wonder happens and its all about communication and how transparent you're in your communication.

When I look at it now, my long distance relationship with my parents because they live far from me in another country but our communication and connection is so frequent and open along with our yearly trips to visit them. It's just this pandemic that has made things difficult but our communication and video calls have kept this hopeful for each other.

"Anything is possible its all about how we do it to maintain it well and healthy." ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

BALANCE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU FIND, IT'S SOMETHING YOU CREATE..!

There was a time when we had a bifurcation between professional and personal life. Then eventually the fast pace caught up in such a way that the bifurcation line started fading away and probably the 'work-life' balance kicked in.

It's interesting how life long humans get groomed for a job - when you are a kid, you have to go to school to study well to score good in subjects that will help you to get admission in good colleges and from there to professional ones so that you get a good job which is well paying huh!
When you do get into the job, for the growth in the company one goes through so many training. This could be training in communication skills, behavioural and managerial skills, crucial conversation and if you're a manager then to enhance your people's manager skills one will go through unconscious bias training etc. 
All this effort is to have a good communication skills based on your audience, build relationship with your colleagues or manager by having those crucial conversations where you speak your mind and heart so that the other person reacts to it with more understanding and the best is that you make sure unconsciously you are not bias with your team or anyone at work. 

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" :)

If we say work-life balance is important, family and love is important in life, spending time with loved ones is what life's all about then why not we go through trainings to improve this phase of life?
I mean these days there are so many trainings involved at work that one can easily apply these skills and methodologies to their personal life too. 
Communication skill, now tell me how many of you have issues where your spouse might be talking in a tone that upsets you or gives an indication that they are irritated or unhappy. How do you convey this to them in a simpler manner so that they don't get offended but get the message across so that they can change their tone or way of communication?
Same way, how do one explain that what they think best as their behaviour, expression of love, that is not actually perceived the same way by the other spouse? Because at work we do hear that everyone has a perception about themselves as what people might think about them, and then people have a different perception about you which could be totally different than what you think you are. 

"Truth is universal. Perception of truth is not. The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. If the doors of the perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite".

It's always good to have that open and transparent communication between relationships as well. People have issues and that's just not surprising because everyone is different and no one has to be like someone else just because they have no other option. In fact for healthy relationship whether it's at work or personal life all relationships have to be maintained in one or the other way and if that is with respect and equality then it brings all kinds of fairness in it.

People have ego going to marriage counsellors because the reality may come out when two spouse will discuss about each other's behaviour. If you are so self-centered then might as well take these professional courses which will help you to shape in a good human being. Because people are different when they are at work and they can be a total different individual when they are at home. There's always a dual-personality within that you carry and it is well controlled and selective behaviour which individuals elect to play.
A perfect example is of the former Apple engineer Neha Rastogi - hasn't she brought up the abusive nature of her spouse openly no one would have known the other side of Silicon Valley CEO Abhishek Gattani. There are so many who suffer quietly sometimes for the sake of kids, sometimes for the society and sometimes the emotional attachments. Is it worth? 
We always hear at work if you are not getting what you are looking for in your career, and you are not happy then pave your path to success by choosing what you want then why can't the same be applicable in personal life of individuals?

"Fairness is protecting not only you but all who are involved"

~ Dawn

Lets Live And Let Other's Live - even your own life is given to you by someone else - be kind!!!

What is freedom to you? Many talk about freedom and freedom of speech and sometimes they go further to talk about the free country etc. I believe the basic right to breathe in a free environment is something we all bring in as our birthright.

No matter to whom we are born, our parents also let us to grow with certain freedom and they control to some extent only to be more careful and be protective towards their kids. Yet we as a grown up try to live a life that we desired for, whether its to eat, drink or even to travel. It’s all about the freedom of choices that we love to make and we are able to make. If someone is not making these decisions for them because of financial elements etc. then its still understandable because one needs to save money and then make those dreams fulfill and live their life.

But what would you call, when you think you are bringing your better half – whether it’s a guy or a girl doesn’t matter in today’s world. All it matters is if two people irrespective of their individuality, character, likes-dislikes they should not control each other. I mean imagine the life, where a kid is controlled and disciplined to an extent that he or she is looking forward to that day when he or she will be independent and living by earning making a living out of it. The first candy that one buys of with his or her own earned money has a immense happiness and feeling of freedom and satisfaction as supposed to someone buying and allowing you to eat an expensive chocolate.

I am extremely sorry to share a story here where the person has been so much controlled and been taken to slavery that the person didn’t even feel that they are taken away of their freedom. They do not even have a freedom to eat certain food that they want to eat, drink or even do what they would love to do.

If you are not living a life that makes you happy then you are not living. No matter how much you make, how big house you own, the ultimate happiness is in living with freedom. Freedom to speak, freedom to share your opinion, freedom to eat what you want to eat, and freedom to what you want to drink, freedom to breathe basically.

I am totally against women or men who try to control their better half’s to show their power or satisfy their ego – I want to tell them one thing that you are ruining your own life and the person’s and if you have a kid then the kid as well.

People have relationships and people do break off from relationships. In Indian society and some conservative thinking people do believe that it’s a crime to divorce which itself is teaching that no matter what you have, no freedom once you have tied the knot with the other person. This even sounds like a jail.

I mean every relationship doesn’t have to end up into divorce but basic rights of living every human has that right and as a man or woman of the family you must rise and shine to live a life that you got.

I am a feminist yet, I am against those women who boast about their control on their husbands. Its sad and shameful for such women to boast and feel pride in it.

But then, I also believe that the one who suffers is more at fault than the one who is making you suffer.

Being a victim knowingly is no solution and no way to live your life. I believe when you live in a free country, with freedom of speech how worth is to live if you don’t have freedom in your own house?

Wake up people, you have only one life and that too at someone else’s mercy? Shame!

Think of those people who have all their life fought for their freedom, for their rights till the end to make their point across. This is in your home, no one should control you what to do and what not to do as long as you are not harming anyone. For me if I want to drink a glass of wine, or an ice cream its my freedom of choice to make but if I am trying to have these in the middle of the night and my husband is saying its too late to have it – I understand and respect because he cares for me. But if he is saying, you cannot drink because I don’t want you to, then you need to find out what it is? Is he trying to control you? Or is he trying to impose his rules on you? End domestic torture.

"The world is already yours - why try to conquer it?"

Many of them just spend their life in the assumption that they are in control of their life actually everything is controlled by their other half. Whether two individuals earn or not, nothing controls them to live a life with basic freedom such as having vegetarian, vegan, non-vegetarian food or say, having liquor – everything has to be in moderation, even the freedom and the controlling...!!!

"Control is the inner disease of those who need stability and order to function."

~ Dawn