There is no later!

The year came with harsh realities

Something we all see everyday

The sun rises and sets in the evening 

To every start, there is an end but

Sun rises again and again yet

We don't!

It's okay to be motivated,

Nature does that to us but

The fact is that it is real,

We come and go and 

we don't wait for anyone,

No matter how close one is,

No matter what relation you have,

We live only once and 

we don't rise again!

But still, we try to extend 

Our stay on this planet,

By hook or crook and 

Hope that it will remain

Forever!

Don't wait for special day,

Make every moment special and real,

Live it, Love it, because

There is no later!

~ Dawn

 

Today only happens once.. make it amazing!

 I wanted to ask today what motivates you? I mean pre-pandemic or post-pandemic this question is always there as what motivates you? and now its even more because no matter what we are stuck at home though in California it's not that bad but still we work from home and are kind of getting used to it.

How do you charge yourself ? I mean don't tell me that you listen to a motivational speaker and it works for you because that doesn't work for me at all!!!!

I like to do something that makes me motivated and so what I did last year while we were stay at home, besides hiking was something that I am going to share today.

Yes, even though we were working from home and were able to be with family all the time and enjoy the backyard still you need something more that will excite you isn't it?

"Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits."

It was last year same time when the Indian festival Navratri that I recently wrote about was happening. We were not able to meet with friends so I started the trend of wearing saree on those nine days of Navratri. Each day has a significance to a color that relates to the Goddess and for me it was more of the saree love which strike the idea to wear each day based on the color significance. At least for those nine days I was making sure that my work was planned well such that I could take time out to wear saree. 

Dressing up is something that at least excites most of the women and this is me who used to be a tom-boy, now loves saree so much that I enjoyed wearing each day. Some liked my determination, some liked my saree and some liked me all this was fun. By the way this year, again I continued and tomorrow is the ninth day 😍!

"You will never always be motivated, so you must learn to be disciplined." 

Similarly, I opted for learning an instrument. Guitar being my favorite I picked it up and feels so good when I played Happy birthday on guitar for my son's birthday this March and April for my daughter, and Bob Marley's three little birds and then the Bollywood song and so forth...! It's a good distraction from the chaos of life.

"Try to find that motivation in your life which only you can create it no one else." ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

If animals spoke, humanity would cry!

 continue...

Time was like on a flight as I got busy with my studies and my sports commitments. We had helpers at home for dishes, laundry and cleaning. It was a mother and daughter who used to visit us. Sometimes, they are together or sometimes the daughter would come alone and what I heard was that she is twenty six and need to find a suitable boy for marriage. Ranju bai we used to call her though her name was Ranjana. 

In Maharashtra, Bai is like calling Madam - its called out of respect. One day Ranju bai's Mom told us there's this dog where I go for work and they really torture that dog and don't give anything to eat. I was thinking if that dog comes to your house he will live like a king. 

"If you pick up a starving dog and making him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." ~ Mark Twain

The moment we heard Dog, me and my Mom we both said please bring it we will take care. Our Bai brings this dog who is skinny with bones and a thread like tail which had some coal tar on it dried. He was smart, he just won our hearts with his twinkling eyes. Me and my brother decided to name him Tony. Those days we were fans of Tony Greig, the English Test Cricket Captain who later turned to be a Commentator.

I am known for being self-starter, so I took the charge in my hands and took Tony for a quick shower. He was scared for a shower but with my wittiness and care he made things easy for me. After a nice shower, we gave him some food, mind it those days there's no dog food or so. Tony ate whatever we ate, and I made sure that he gets whatever me and my brother eats be it a chocolate or a candy or a laddoo. Sundays when Dad used to go to the market to buy vegetables and fish or meat, he would bring for Tony as well. In the mutton market they sell you for 25 paise pieces of meat, and things that we don't eat and my Mom used to cook that in the rice with little bit of turmeric powder and its his feast on that day.

In a week's time Tony completely changed into a handsome boy. He was confident, happy and proud to be with us. I remember, one of the family when they visited our neighbor's house they started calling Tony with a different name and said this is our dog. Guess what, even before we react to that question, Tony barked and jumped on them and that was the end of that discussion.

Tony, I can say grew up with me. He was there everywhere, only when I am going to school, he knew he cannot accompany me but otherwise he will never miss any chance to be with me. I was also naughty and playful and so was Tony, many times while playing he would bite and later feel sorry for it and will put his hand on my hand as if saying I am sorry.

Tony taught me what is love? and how to be responsible. He also taught me how to be expressive whether it is love, anger or frustration he had his way. I almost felt like I have a little sibling in the house and we lived happily. Tony was like a shield to us. One day a dog bit my brother as he was picking the cricket bat, the dog got scared and in self-defense barked and tried to come and bite. Nothing much happened but since then he was Tony's biggest enemy. It would be difficult for us to control him but later when we scold he would listen with his head down. During that fight, the dog bit Tony's ear and hence he got wounded. As I was taking care of him, everyone else started giving my parents advise that the dog is wounded in the ear, it might impact its brain and he will have rabies and we all will get infected and die. 

"The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog." ~ M.K. Clinton

To all this, one even suggested to call the dog shooter next day and put down Tony. The moment I heard that, I freaked out and I was the voice for my Tony that time. I said I will take care of him and he will be fine in no time so I begged my Dad to give time until then. He agreed but he said, the dog is not going to be in the house. He will have to stay outside in the backyard in our scooter shed. It was literally like a Bollywood movie scene where I am in tears, and taking care of Tony, every day and night I will wash  the wounds with dettol (anti-septic) water and put some ointment that was from the Vet. Someone told me if you put Camphor powder it will extract all the worms in case he has one. Those days, everything was tried so that he can get cured fast and during my ten days Dashera holidays, I put all my effort and took care of him and guess what Tony was back in action except that he lost some piece of his ear but that didn't take away his charm a bit.

After that day everyone came to hug Tony and I had to remind them how they treated Tony. I think by now everyone felt it was a mistake to do such a thing and Tony became more close to me as he knew I am there for him no matter what.

As old age came in when he was thirteen, he was not well and while I was helping my Mom with chores, I was sitting with him, talking to him and asking if he is in pain. He would look at me and did say goodbye to me before closing his eyes.

That bond was something very strong in my heart with Tony that I could never forget him, his love and his every incident with me and at home. Tony was so stubborn that if it was not me to give shower then he will not let anyone else give him shower. He was such a human!

Tony's death made all of suffer a lot specially me and my Mom. We didn't eat for couple days and were sad and Dad was more worried for us so he showed his love through his anger asking us to eat and now on no dog will come in this house.

As they say time heals and now we see a Cat started coming to our house since Tony is not there to guard the territory. My Mom started giving this stray cat food since it was pregnant and I was kind of trying to avoid any closeness with anyone as I have had the taste of losing them.

The cat would come home to eat food and one day the Cat brought a baby cat with it and that one was so beautiful with dark features that I immediately took it and claimed this is mine and the Mother is Mom's. Since then we had cats - Mother and Daughter (Kalyani and Sundari respectively).

"Pets have more love and compassion in them than most humans." ~ Robert Wagner

Life was back again as here I didn't have to do much, Sundari would just come whenever she sees me or she will be on our roof lying down with her mother Kalyani. One day Sundari came home crying we didn't understand why she is so much meowing but later came to know her Mother died. It was sad but I hugged Sundari and made sure she is taken care of. 

One day we came to know that we are moving from this place to another and I had to leave Sundari as she was not our pet, and never lived with us. But she visited us before we leaving and that was it. I once came to see Sundari when I was visiting my neighbors and that time she had started to look like her mother Kalyani, the charm was gone, she looked like a matured one with a baby in her tummy. We both looked at each other from far, and said goodbye.

"Every stray deserves a chance at love, a home and a warm bed to sleep at night." ~ Penny Reid

The journey from there to my home was in deep thoughts as learning about food chain in science class was terrifying that now I see how life revolves, a small pretty kitten turned out to be a grown, matured one to be a mother and life goes on.

We moved in this new house and everything was new, the neighbors, the surroundings and I was in college  and guess what, one of my Mom's colleague visits home saying our Pomeranian dog gave babies and now we have one left - no one is taking because she is a girl. I thought of your daughter because she would love to have her. My Mom said, no we will not have it and more over her Dad will not allow to keep any dog so please take back.

It was that time when I entered the house from college, and the moment I saw this tiny puppy who looked like a snowball I took in my arms and started playing and that was it. I said Mom. please let's keep her and I gave the name Jimmy.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." ~ Anatole France

My Mom didn't want to be part of this hence she said I don't know let your Dad decide. When Dad came home, I requested and pleaded to keep her but Dad wasn't ready and I being his daughter was not ready to give up either. Finally, the guys left but Jimmy was home. Dad wouldn't look at her or pet her because he said we don't want any more dogs.

Jimmy was smart, she would slowly go to my Dad and play with him, lick him and slowly Dad couldn't turn his back to her and that was it, reunion of all.

Jimmy being a female dog, people didn't want her because she will give babies and as those days neutering was not a common thing and hence my parents sent me and my brother to take the dog to Vet and get her neutered. We both were going with Jimmy on a two wheeler bike. As we were in the city, I asked my brother, how good is it to take away her right from her? Just because she can't speak her mind, can we really do this? We both decided we will not be part of this sin and hence we turned back from there and came home, said the Vet was not there.

Jimmy was never neutered but we made sure she was on a leash whenever we took her out. She was a beautiful loving girl. When I left home after my marriage, I used to visit weekends and she would recognize the scooter far from home and would start jumping, wagging her tail, and Mom would tell seems she is here that's why Jimmy is happy. 

I know by that time Jimmy was my parents responsibility as I was not home as I had moved to Canada, but then this restricted them from traveling and hence they decided to give Jimmy and it was one loving family who always loved Jimmy at our place took Jimmy with them. 

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." ~ Gene Hill

As far as I remember, she was a happy kid and remembered us till her last breath - no news is always good news and so we stopped checking about Jimmy as this would cause us also feel sad. I am sure she understands!

After that, I decided not to have any pets. When kids insisted I bought them fish but ended up cleaning the tank etc. But now, we have Reyna an English cocker spaniel whom we rescued when she was five and today she is eleven living a life like a queen.

"Rescue does not mean damaged .. it means they have been let down by humans."

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

Farming is a profession of hope..!

It is said that the profession of farming began around 12,000 years ago with the domestication of livestock as hunters/gatherers settled down and started to plant their own food. In short, farming is one of the oldest jobs around.

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit two different farmer's market at different locations and as always my motto is to support our local farmers and since pandemic supporting location businesses is a norm now.

"Agriculture is our wisest pursuit because it will in the end contribute most to real wealth, good morals, and happiness." ~ Thomas Jefferson

It so happened, that the town where I live, has a farmer's market on a Saturday and I had an early morning flu-shot appointment . While returning from there, I thought to drive around the farmer's market at Niles, Fremont.

It was such a pleasant view with hustle-bustle people in and around the market, just like back home. I know it will sound weird, but since last year life has somehow been turned it's back and everyone is locked up at home due to pandemic. And after that it seems like ages when I saw people around in the market and you could only imagine the vibe, the energy that transformed in that place.

"The discovery of agriculture was the first big step toward a civilized life." ~ Arthur Keith

While browsing around each stall I saw the Niles backing company stall with pastries and bakery items. I am sorry but coming from one of the British colonies, I have always loved my breakfast with some sweets and so I lined up to purchase some pastries. Believe me, I was lucky to be number fifth in line because after that the line got into double digits. Sometimes, when you see the display of fresh bakery items you would want to buy everything and I think that's what happened with the lady who was ahead of me and she brought for $169.00. I was excited to buy couple fruit and cheese danish, sweet potato pie, croissant with ham and cheese and chocolate cookies for my son. Only after that I went to purchase some fresh fruits and vegetables. Believe me, each time we eat those fruits we praise the farmers as it is so sweet and good in taste. I know my kids they love it and I tell them my story as growing up we always went to the local farmers who would sell vegetables and fruits what they produced in their farm. 

"The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings." ~ Masanobu Fukuoka

As soon I finished looking around and purchasing from the market, life looked like back to normal for a minute though everyone was wearing mask and keeping safe distance - the new normal!

Here they had local band playing music and that time I kept wondering what's special today? Is it music in the park that has started now?, as due to pandemic I know many artists have been impacted badly. 

I had plans for Sunday hike and hence after a short hike of 4 miles I came home and kids wanted to go for brunch and we thought to go to Livermore which is close our town and hence we went to a restaurant called Monica's. Apparently, this place is so busy that we had an hour wait but we didn't mind it as there was live music, car show and farmer's market. This one is a bit bigger than what we have at Niles.

The fruits that I brought previous day was almost over and we thought while we are here lets buy some more. It's always the thought of the farmers that comes to my mind and strongly feel like supporting them and hence I brought some more vegetables and fruits. One thing I noticed that, its not only vegetables and fruits but also small business such as boba tea shop, locally made honey, salads, dumplings, hummus, flowers, and what not. You can actually come to the farmers market and buy food and eat food as well. 

"The farmer is the only man in our economy who buys everything at retail, sells everything at wholesale, and pays the freight both ways." ~ John F. Kennedy

Yes, I agree things can be expensive since they are organic and fresh and not chemically grown but I feel at least the money you pay for these goes directly to the ones who actually put their hard work into it.

I feel happy because when the hands that grow the food that we eat are happy then definitely the crop they raise is also happy, healthy and tasty too.

Buy from your local farmers, support them and stay healthy by eating fresh and healthy produce.

"To make agriculture sustainable, the grower has got to be able to make a profit." ~ Sam Farr

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

It’s easy to stand with the crowd it takes courage to stand alone..!

Have you ever lived alone? I mean for the first time how was it? I am not sure if this is something that you will think could be different but for me it was a whole new experience and that too in a completely different country.

Like here in US/Canada, kids would be out of home by the time they are sixteen or later for college and they learn early to be independent and live their life.

I grew up in a country where kids don't leave their home until they are married off and this is specially about girls because boys will get married and bring home his wife and live with parents. But that doesn't mean that kids don't live in dorm or hostel for their college, they do. In my case, I literally grew up living with my parents until that one day I decided to migrate to Canada. A decision very gallantly taken by me without even thinking.

Things worked out for me in such a way that I landed in Canada and after couple months living as paying guest in couple folks house, I decided to be brave enough to live by myself as paying guest was not literally paying guest, it was more like an extended family where even though you pay your rent and hope everyone will mind their own business but that was not the case.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

I moved to a one bedroom apartment in Toronto, on the East York side as I wanted to be close to my work place as those days I am completely relying on public transport system TTC.

Living alone for me had its own experience as I was scared too because I have never lived alone before.

I had a call-center job those days which would start at 4:45 pm to 11:45 pm and there was no commission of the sales that I make hence it was a typical office contract job as medical is free so didn't have to be a full time job with benefits. 

Since the timing was such I used to come home late night and that was very scary and tensed moment - the walk from the bus-stand till my room and why I say room because even if I enter the building the worst part was going in the elevator as after midnight you don't know who's who?

Once I was inside my apartment, It was my world and my life no one has anything to know or do with it. I used to come home get fresh and go to bed those days I didn't have mobile phones and there was no smart-phones so the only phone I had was landline and no one would call that late unless it was an international call to India. 

I think living there alone in my own world, I felt this was the first time I was trying to know myself better. It's not that as a child I didn't have the freedom to do things that I liked but I figure that lot of things that we do gets carried away with our family, parents, siblings and we just follow those and we do find happiness.

"Sometimes, you need to be alone. Not to be lonely, but to enjoy your free time being yourself."

I used to love to keep my apartment clean and tidy. I would read books after that and make food and at times I used to go to the nearest public library and go read newspapers and magazines. It used to give me a feel of I am responsible and making my decision though it was new so I would think properly before making that decision - should I take the bus and just travel from one end to the other just because I have a monthly pass and anyhow I have to use it.

The best part was that for TTC you can go one way no matter how far you only use one ticket except that the transit is in one direction. If you break and go some other route then you have to pay another ticket. Hence going one way and getting down to do some shopping and getting back in the same bus was something I found very comfortable and easy as compared to moving around in Pune, India, where you have to know the route and then the right bus to go there and then find the right address to reach the destination. I used to feel so happy that I am traveling alone and that too in Toronto, Canada.

I used to make phone calls to some friends that I had made in the call center and the funny part was that they used to talk to me on the phone for hours and hours because they would say its only twenty five cents. I used to feel worried as in India I used to make phone calls only for emergency purpose or to give any message as I am going to be late or so. But here, I was able to keep my relationship with my friends as we daily meet at lunch time at work but weekends it was good to connect with them specially when I was all by myself, talking to friends would bring more cheer to me.

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better." ~ Henry Rollins

And this making phone calls to my friends didn't come up just like that, it was the time when I used to feel very lonely. Weekdays was busy with work and hence it was the weekends when I used to feel lonely. After finishing my chores and reading books as the sunsets my day would be more gloomy and when I shared this with my friends at work, they immediately said don't worry we will turn by turn call you and that will take your loneliness away. Such good friends I had one was Lisa Jattan from Trinidad and other one Valerie Shan, she was from Pakistan married to Sri Lankan. We had so many beautiful days whether it's on the phone, at work life was for like college those days.

I remember going to a dandia (dance with sticks that you play at India festival). Today when I think I laugh at it but those days I don't know much about things but I would look at the advertisement pamphlet and find my route on the map and just dress up in Indian saree and would show up alone and dance in the group and before midnight I would make sure I come home. Those ones really boost my confidence as back home, I was always taught to be cautious and careful and hence many time when I am traveling alone I would be more stressed with that thought but here I was happy though cautious but I was doing things that I thought I will give a try.

"The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone."

I also one day figured out to keep myself busy, went to nearby old age home facility where I used to go and sit with elderly people and spend time. I used to just sit and watch them initially and later I started engaging with them in conversation and one time I got scolded by one of the elderly lady who thought me to be her daughter. Later I realized she is Alzheimer patient and she scolded me for not showing up all these days - I got nervous and cried but immediately the staff came and rescued me. But next day I was confident to go and hug her and she smiled at me and said comb my hair its been long time. I remember I used to play with them, laugh and cry too.

It's true that I would be very cautious when I am out but inside me I was a free living being. I loved those moments and still cherish the memories.

"Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere you find yourself."

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

Love will travel as far as you let it. It has no limits..!

 

Today I am going to talk about long distance relationship. Many people think it's not good to have long distance relationship and often parents say that it won't work out so better not have it. Many people also say that the extra distance will not make many things achievable hence don't take things seriously.

I had a relationship that started long distance, not that it was meant to be or should I say that I never thought it will even be a relationship. The extra distance was more or less a safety kit for me and I felt being a girl that is a better option.

"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." ~ Rafael Ortiz

I was working and I didn't want any boyfriend headaches and keeping the extra distance will allow me to see how the person is and if I have to say no, then I don't have to deal with him at my door step. 

We started with a chat on messenger and then exchanged phone numbers and we spoke to each other on two different weekends, and I thought its good to have a friend and that's about it.

Next day I get an email saying how I am, take care and have a great day. I also replied in similar lines and these short communication kept us going well, until the next weekend came and he proposed me on an email and then on phone.

We kept our communication clear, set the expectation as I was not only far but my time zone was also three hours ahead of his and that gave me to set the ground rules, 9:00 PM I go to sleep and if he calls me after that which is his 6:00 PM, I will not pick up the call.

If he is interested he will take out time and that's how it happened. Our communication time was set and that was about it. Less is more. 

"If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart."

This gave us an opportunity to know each other in whatever time we set for communication and kept us longing for each other which was really a good feeling.

I set some ground rules and expectations for each other as we both are adults and independent individuals and we don't have to change each other unless we ourselves decide and believe me that worked well for us.

As we started knowing each other better, we planned to meet and we both came half way somewhere in between New York and thus you know what the person is when in person you meet. Some of the small gestures shows whether you care for each other or not.

I started diary writing and poetry as a kid when I was eight years old and so I asked him too to write and this really changed his life as he never thought he would be able to write but with my encouragement he started writing poetry and prose and today he has published two books and been on the San Jose poetry board - so doing things together did achieve great things on the way.

In all this we gave each other our own space and this really helped our relationship to make a goal for us and after long distance relationship of one and half years we decided to marry each other. 

"One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together" ~ Anonymous

So I believe wonder happens and its all about communication and how transparent you're in your communication.

When I look at it now, my long distance relationship with my parents because they live far from me in another country but our communication and connection is so frequent and open along with our yearly trips to visit them. It's just this pandemic that has made things difficult but our communication and video calls have kept this hopeful for each other.

"Anything is possible its all about how we do it to maintain it well and healthy." ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

Rahi turns Thirteen!!!

Dear Rahi,

It's again that special day of the year - March 8th - when you were born but guess what it's the 13th year.
Being a mother no matter how many birthdays you celebrate you're still a kid to me. Every year I go through this memory lane on your birthday because I really wonder how these times are flying with a blink of my eyes.

The journey is exciting and a beautiful learning for me as a parent because each time I am cautious and protective for you, each time you surprise me with your answers and your way of handling things. 
This year, I was nervous for you as you stepped into middle school. I felt you are naive and the world is not so my worries were how you would adapt things and to my surprise when you shared how kids bully you in the school for your height, for you voice because you're yet to hit puberty and I started worrying how these kids do like that in school even though there are so many programs for 'not to bully' or 'stop bullying'! 

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

And you would say, "Mom I told them don't worry it will happen when it will happen. I am not worried so why you're worried for my height and my voice".

I was amazed at your response. I am sure you face such things everyday in different ways and you're facing these changes and learning to cope with it. There might be things that you may not like or may get hurt with and you face it so maturely. I really don't know when did you grow up this big to adapt to the changes in your surroundings and manage the new change in your life.

On this day when you're officially a teenager, I want to say thank you for being who you are! For listening to us and for understanding our chaos with work and home front and being patient with us.

I wish you all the best for your passions and your interests in ventriloquism, singing and animation. I admire your creative mind and the ways you think which I often see through your songs, and animation stories. World may not be all that good as you think but I like that you carry the goodness for this world.

"Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value". ~ Albert Einstein 

Keep it that way because some day this world will understand and learn from you, to spread love to all living beings.

Happy Birthday my Son!

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." ~ Lao Tzu

~ Dawn

The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all....!

This post of mine took two days to sink in as I wanted to feel what I felt and didn't want the entire essence of it to be poured in here in my post.
Friday -Feb 7th, 2020 I was invited for a lunch at one of my friend and colleague from work. A little background about this friend.
A very ambitious, young dynamic woman who is fearless when it comes to talk about technology and product enhancements. I have had a couple of tiff with her when I joined the company but one thing you should understand and that is when two people are talking about improving things whether its process, software development or its methodology it can begin with a tiff until you understand each other and I think that is what happened where she accepted my idea and we together worked as a team.
This friend of mine was diagnosed recently with cancer in multiple organs while she was visiting India to visit her Mom who is suffering from cancer. Yes, how common this word has become in our daily life that it also scares the hell out of all of us.
Knowing this friend I always tell her to kick ass as I know she is strong but its always easy for us to tell sitting at this side of the fence.
The first time I went and saw her in her house that was after her first chemo. She was doing good other than her deep breaths in between our talk she was doing good. We had our chats and jokes from work and then holidays came and I went for my vacation trip to India. Before leaving I had wished her and said will see her in new year. I am a believer and I always feel if our will power is strong nothing can stop us from what we want. I always tell this to her too.

"Ones you become fearless, life becomes limitless".

After I came back from my vacation I sent her messages but there was no response. Anyhow, I thought she might be in her chemo or the initial days of chemo because thats when they are more tired and under the impact of that strong medicine which also has side effects even though it might be killing the cancer cells.
Finally that day came when I was invited for a Friday lunch. It was an auspicious day from a Hindu calendar perspective as well I believe because I heard there is a puja (prayer) at her place. I went to her place with some oranges from my garden. We were few ladies from work who were invited. We knocked the door and what I saw was a well decked woman in 9 yard saree, her confidence had no less spark than what she had earlier except her hair everything was oozing with life.
Our friend invited us inside and she started doing things in the kitchen as if everything is normal. She also expected us not be there like a guest but get in the kitchen and help her with making the lamp for the puja with flour mixed with ginger, and ghee. Once it was done she asked us to be in the puja room that she has in the house. A small room enough for four people to sit and perform the puja.
The puja started with chanting Vishnu sahasranamam (chanting 1000 names of lord Vishnu) though none of us remember other than her so we took the help of internet and good the pdf on the phone and started chanting. As she was performing the puja, my mind went back to my childhood days where I had witnessed and been part of these and look today it was all new to me!

Faith, is something which differs from people to people based on where they find their strength in ~ Dawn.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase" ~ Martin Luther King

After the puja we all went to the dinning table and started helping setting the table with plates. Everything was cooked from scratch and nothing we did as she had done it all. Like any Indian host she was serving us and we were telling her to sit down and we can help ourselves. She said, I am fully energetic and doctor has asked me to be rough with my leg as the chemo has its own side effects and she was on the roll.
After listening that, I felt she know what she is doing because otherwise she would be more cautious. This is after her 4th chemo and waiting for two more!!!

Each grain of food as I ate was thanking her and her effort to get back. She looked like one of those Tamil woman who just came back from the pilgrimage (Tirupati) where she might have given her entire hair as an offering to God. She was as graceful as she was before having cancer.
After having a long chat with lots of laughter we had the evening tea and left wishing her all the luck for two remaining chemo and looking forward to see her joining back in April, 2020.

The amount of time we spent and the laughter we had, no one wanted to leave neither the friend was ready to say bye!!! Thought we left with the plan to meet her often on Friday's when she is out of her chemo effects. We got out with a little goody bag with the offerings that was given to the God during the prayers and a little gift.

Through out my return to work and then back to home and my weekend was with full of thoughts for her and the look forward for her come back!!!!

I have faith in her!

"Let everything happen to you,
Beauty and Terror,
Just keep going 
No feeling is final" ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

You can make anything happen in your favor if you will is powerful!!! Face everything and rise - thats FEAR!!!!

~ Dawn

Humanity runs on coffee ... ;)

I found it so amazing while I was having my favorite black coffee in the morning. No matter where I am, my bed coffee is black coffee and its special when I come to my hometown at my parents place.
This coffee is actually organic which is from our own backyard at my Mom's place. They pick the coffee seeds, dry them and grind them at home and they also add fenugreek seeds. Believe me the flavor it adds to the coffee and the important part is the benefits of fenugreek, all this adds up an extra love to the coffee.
My Mom knows when I come home she makes this for me all the time without asking me as she know that will make me happy :).

"You are what you love, not what loves you." ~ Charlie Kaufman 

It's so amazing to see that Kerala as a state has its own uniqueness within being North of Kerala and South of Kerala, the way they eat certain things and the names that they have for, even though it is the same thing and funny part I find is that in south of Kerala people are more inclined towards coffee and on the north side its more of tea. This is all about the crop that they cultivate and they get used to that side of the place... similar to what we have in California - the south cal and north cal :) - people's language usage of vocabulary, food habits etc differ and based on that people identify which part of the place one belongs to! 

"Perhaps it is our imperfections that makes us so perfect for one another." ~ Douglas McGrath

I always took pride in the traditions that our ancestors carried and things that I have seen my grandparents practicing those such as these making your own coffee powder, spices, snacks out of crops that grow in your own farm or garden - I always treasured those memories and felt proud of these. Today I see that my Mom specially brings this coffee powder from her hometown for me and when I talk about these to cousins they probably like the today's coffee latte, cappuccino etc... and what we miss is that after all these processed items consumption, we hunt for organic products...which was our basics that we were using for our well being...!

I feel sorry for even thinking that this will slowly with the generation of my parents will end too. Because earlier these coffee beans were powdered at home in the special equipment such as stone grinder which is a physical hardship but that's similar to what people do today at the gym lifting weights. 
Soon this changed, now these coffee beans and fenugreek seeds are added and taken to the mill to grind it...and then probably the coffee beans will be just sold to the companies and then it will go with that tradition.

"Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition." ~ Jacques Barzun 

It's better to enjoy while it lasts...and hence this coffee is a special for me until I am here!

"We must not only obtain Wisdom: we must enjoy her." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

~ Dawn

It's a journey will pass through...

Life is full of ups and downs

Sunny and raining sometimes

Full of struggles and at times calm

Bags of worries and happy loot bags

Some obligations and commitments

A constant fight for rights and right things

On top of all this life is too short they say

And sometimes you feel it's too long

Remember to enjoy and roll over once in a while

For life is not always full of grass

There are some thorns and twigs too

Make sure they don't get into you

As it's a journey and we all will pass through!

~Dawn #poetrymonth

#aprilthepoetrymonth

The journey just began...!

The journey I took 22 years ago,

One way ticket to Toronto,

Still remember the night I landed,

With no idea where to go whom to talk to,

Cause you got to protect from strangers,

Yet a stranger helped me find a hotel,

A place where I thought through my plan,

A night changed me

From a scared to responsible,

Next day started with hunt 

for place and job,

And the journey continued 

from one place to the other,

One job to the other,

Learned people one by one,

On my way found some friends,

Whom you think are close were who used,

Others showed the path to liberate,

With determination and struggles,

Found new ways and new learnings,

Found a sales person inside me,

Who led to success one after the other,

Today, I look back with full of gratitude,

Humility and humanity taught love wins

No matter who you are, what you are

A journey we all have to take of our own,

From one place to the other and it goes on...!

~ Dawn #happypoetrymonth

#aprilthepoetrymonth

#22yearsoutsideofbackhome #noregrets#lifeisajourney

#lovecanada🇨🇦

The story of happiness!

There are vessels around us 

Big and small some empty

And some full of wishes

Some are filled with tears

Some with loads of food

Yet the vessel makes noise

I am hungry, I am starving

I am unhappy, I am dying

They look colorful outside

Inside its all dark and scary

If we all share our vessels 

We can share what we have

The needy can get some life

The loaded one feel not guilty

Imagine the vessels singing

It won't be noise anymore

The vessels will be colorful
Inside and out being real

And musical with percussion 

Happiness can live there too!

~ Dawn #happypoetrymonth #aprilthepoetrymonth

This beauty peaks in two weeks...

I may be like a twig short and weak,

You will judge as well for how I look,

My color, my race, my family, my city,

You will count my leaves and feel sorry for it,

Here I am for you with full of blossoms and spike,

The color, and the message to renewal as symbolic,

The fleeting nature of life, short and sweet for us,

This beauty peaks in two weeks and then tend to fall,

Such is life hence enjoy the spring which has its own beauty,

Because fragility of life, that's my story for you all to remind,

Life is beautiful until it looks but there's a short trip to all of this!

~ Dawn #happypoetrymonth

#aprilthepoetrymonth

Racing with life or racing with nature

Racing with life or racing with nature,

Planning with life or planning to be with nature,

Multi-tasking in life or forgetting to focus,

Whatever you call it, its a race to be in the game,

Walking on the tar roads, looked up in the sky,

It's much beautiful what I see than what I do with hands,

Slowdown my heart says, because this moment will go soon,

The Sun may come again but it won't be the same,

The clouds may fly and land on the mountains but not like this,

The fragrance of the flowers, am sure won't be the same,

The rain drops that are falling today, won't be the same tomorrow,

Just slow down and enjoy, feel them, touch them and be with them,

A moment that we all want to be in but  keep it for later, 

Walk in the wilderness, smell the freshness of the woods,

Watch for those snails and let them live where they are,

Leaving the race behind, spend sometime with nature,

Because at the end these are the moments you cherish,

For long time in the game of life!

~ Dawn

You know my name, not my story. You have heard what I have done, not what I have been through!

These days I am in a conflict with mind and heart. Yes, heart would like to talk a lot with the paper which means, I would love to express my thoughts and emotions but then mind tries to manipulate - Why, unnecessarily? Let it be...keep it with you!!!

My heart, which started writing as kid because I felt my pen as my heart was spelling and sharing my views with the pages of the diary that my Dad gave it to me. That was my way to open my heart which gave me the satisfaction of expressing everything and anything and yet I have the feeling of keeping it private from everyone.

Time changed and I started blogging. One should change with time isn't it? Moreover the way I groomed myself as a kid of 7-8 years old is by writing down everything which made my heart and mind feel very relieved, it is a way for me to relax and be calming.

I remember I used to tell my friends, 'not to take tension but give it to others', as a joke!

Few things that came to my mind which I felt I should write so that I get the feel that I shared it and it is out of my system!

1. Judging a person does not define who they are... It defines who you are!

If someone wants to do something for others, it's their emotions and feelings that they share with - no one has a right to call that out by names. Because every individual has different ways to express their love and respect so be mindful when you pass your judgemental remarks. It let others to think who you are!!! Never discourage others what they want to do if they share it with you that's because they consider you as a friend and trust you. Don't discourage them by judging them it tells about you and not them.

2. Everyone is a Moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody!

People sometimes due to overconfidence behave in certain way and go too far but when they find themselves in trouble and unable to cope-up with they ask for help. Now, helping is good and when you do that with all good intentions and still if things doesn't work out or help other to understand then it is better to show them the mirror. The person who actually came asking you for help changes immediately when they feel they're exposed and makes the helper a fool in front of others and moves on as a hero. The helper looks like a fool!
When the helper confronts the one who came asking for help at the first place, they say he was my childhood friend and I didn't want to lose his friendship! That's the justification they give for their act.

One can imagine what they would do to get away with their ego and false image! Here they did this because they know the childhood friend will stop talking and will spread the rumor among all the common friends and the helper will always be there as they will not lose them - a false assumption! 
I think the helper should have left them alone to deal with their problem instead of getting involved because the helper is a stranger to the childhood friend and company! One should live life on their on terms and not get involved in other's because at the end everyone is an individual let them lead it.

3.  It's funny how most people become who they promised they would never be!

When people desire something in life, they make all kinds of promises that they are the best and they are this and that and you trust them and get into the contract which binds you with them and establishes a relationship. Through out you have found that they are not what they promised they are instead they only act in front of you that way. 
When Kamala made a mistake and she was caught it became a life-long reminder for her and hence even when she wants to say anything she is restricted because she will be pointed out of her mistakes. But I believe this doesn't allow other party to keep making mistakes. Whether you smoke or drink is not the question. The question is did you not promise not to and still you continue as hide-and-seek and finally you come out saying this is how it is - the person can't do anything other than thinking let them do what they want to do, why you want to attach yourself to get hurt?
Lesson is not to trust anyone with anything after all you're human and with time you will change and you will get tired of wearing a mask all the time! You will have to come out one day so might as well be now than later!!!

4. It takes guts and humility to admit the mistakes. Admitting we're wrong is courage, not weakness!

I believe we are human and hence we do make mistakes and that is okay. Even when you read the Indian mythological stories in Ramayana, there also Ram is portrayed as the best human being still he behaves disrespectfully with his wife Sita based on what he over heard from his laundry guy, who was hitting his wife saying I am not like our King Ram who accepted his wife even though she was living captivity with another king Ravan. Ram could have set things straight by supporting his wife and by bringing awareness to his people that being captured doesn't mean you disown your people but he didn't do that, instead he did what he felt his people in the kingdom would appreciate - the question is, if it was Ram and Sita had to decide will she even think of disowning him? I doubt because women are raised always with the thought that Men can do anything and it's okay but Women are like a white cloth even a little stain would make it look ugly and hence throw it away!
Mistakes are okay and accepting the mistakes saying, yes I cheated and that is wrong on my part and I am ready to accept any punishment for that. It's humbling and learning experience for anyone though it is hurtful in heart forever for everyone. Similarly, if other person has done a mistake in indulging with something and dealing with until it became a problem for them to handle then at least one should have the guts to accept that they did that mistake. In fact, they call out other people's wrong deed and shine themselves. A little sunshine in your eyes can blind your eyesight for a moment, watch out everyone doesn't have to be that high and famous all time, even the Sun who is so powerful with its heat and light has to set at the end of the day - you're human and be the one that you preach to all!

This time the trip to India gave some time to read some useful books which enlightens your thought process through mythological stories. And relating it with the present situations, stories and scenarios it helped to understand that, life is simple and one need to keep it light and simple!

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

~ Dawn