Discomfort is always a necessary part of the process of enlightenment...!!!

Many times we follow certain tradition because we grew up watching others. As we understand sometimes we do ask questions and sometimes it doesn't bother anyone as part of tradition it's more of celebration and social engagement hence it doesn't come out as a question as why do we follow this norm.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought" ~ John. F. Kennedy

My story about 'Durga Puja', is somewhat similar to that. Even though born in a Keralite family (Kerala, in South India), I grew up in Pune (in Maharashtra State) and that gave me the exposure to diverse India. The people, food and festivals and traditions. I always felt I am privileged as I got the opportunity to be part of every celebration or festivity whether it belonged to East, West, North and South India - I had friends and their family who had these traditions and festivals that they maintained and celebrated and I just merged with them.

It's with the same spirit I enjoy all festivals here in USA as well. "Sindur Khela" is where every year I look forward to attend as part of Durga Puja, and my thoughts and understanding was limited to as it's part of Durga Puja and it's a fun game. Being a feminist, for me Durga is a symbol of girl-power and every girl must feel proud of being one. It's interesting how we start reading about these when we have to explain to our non-Indian friends about these festivities. 

As I read about it, it totally changed me. My excitement and enthusiasm somewhere vanished. My heart started questioning why do I call this a celebration when it's not something that every women can enjoy?
At the same time Durga Puja and Sindur Khela is all about power of womanhood. If that is true then why every woman is not allowed to participate in Sindur Khela?
Why unmarried, widows and divorcees are not allowed to be part of this Sindur Khela, aren't they women? Aren't they powerful? 

"Tradition is an explanation for acting without thinking" ~ Grace McGarvie 

These thoughts really crushed me and made me feel dejected. In the name of Durga Puja and Sindur Khela it's again the hypocrisy of manhood that is celebrated in the veil of womanhood. The male dominant society created another tradition which seemed like for women to socialize, celebrate and pray for the happiness of husband and children. Shouldn't that be the same for the husband too? He should also pray for his wife and children's happiness so why not men has any traditions to follow? How do we justify single moms or widow moms? Don't they also want their kids to be happy and safe?

"Myself worth isn't determined by others"

Marriage and sindur is all about men and about their manhood. It's not about women celebrating themselves. 
I am an ally at the LGBTQ community and I believe in equality in every respect and this is something against my belief. Hence something all these years I rejoiced getting decked up and getting colored in red sindur and socialized with friends and others has made me to think.

I don't think there is sindur khela for me next year because I don't support something that discriminates any human being at any level.

I have though seen and witnessed some of the divorcees participating in Sindur Khela in the events that I have attended and it only made me happy to see that but my real thoughts are with those who are barred from participating in Sindur Khela. In their name, I decided not to enjoy anymore such traditions.

If we believe in all traditions then 'Sati Pratha' was also a tradition that was followed in ancient India and one should follow that too, isn't it?

I think we all must question these traditions just like how we question our constitution because things have to change with time and for the betterment of the human beings and our society. Otherwise, unknowingly we are supporting discrimination and we must not give wrong message if we are sure that we don't support it.

"Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated"

Now, I am only going back and thinking about those moments where without any idea my heart was enjoying the celebrations and festivities with friends and family...and someone from inside says, 'It's okay because you didn't know about it'!

"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows"

~ Dawn

Until when is it called as discrimination?

Until when is it called as discrimination? These thoughts have been creeping in lately and the reason is my children.

As part of learning and sharing, I often discuss how things were when I was of their age and the main reason to share this with them is to give a glance of the era.

How things were different and yet we survived and how things have changed and we see how the generation is all about.

Definitely, we all agree with the change and the generation being much smarter than what we were. At least, there is more awareness and technology that is a big blessing.

The other day I was telling about how I was helping mom in the kitchen even when I am in 10^th grade and how the responsibilities increased from there. When I walk-thru a day’s chores that I used to do besides my studies and games, my 9-year-old son starts sharing his feedback. He said, mom whenever you tell about how you were told to do things by your mom I feel your story is just like the Cinderella ... the very thought and his expression always brings a big laugh for me.

Imagine, our elder’s instructions were taken with all due respect and we used to do it but today? Those are seen to be as rude or bully.

The other day I was telling my daughter how we managed our studies and helping in the house and it was not a weekend job but it was something we grew up with because that’s how life is going to be even when we are out of our student life.

My daughter immediately starts with her gender discrimination statement. Mom, even he should be doing things at home. The point of learning and taking responsibility stands on the side and a new topic started with gender discrimination.

I explained how her brother will be slowly pulled into this as he also needs to learn and be independent no matter what gender he is, or who is his partner in life, one has to do their part and not to be dependent on anyone.

As I was saying this I also started thinking about my time... yes, I remember when I was a kid my elder brother used to do chores at home, he used to make tea for parents and boil the milk which was a tradition those days. But as we grew up things changed and yes I wondered that’s so true things changed.

My parents never discriminated but I guess my mom was more worried to make me independent than my brother because she might have thought he will be home and she can manage it for him.

Yes so far I was not thinking of anything like that in fact I felt proud that I was able to help my mom with her daily chores but todays kids are putting these discrimination thoughts in mind that why didn’t your brother helped in the kitchen?

Sometimes awareness can take you to that crossroad where you wonder :)

Dawn

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds...

Today I am going to share a story here which I believe is for everyone. People who have kids or who don't have kids still we all live around kids.
Many times we as adult assume we are too smart in front of a kid and hence we ourselves sometimes prove that how dumb we are.

I have a friend who recently approached me to discuss about her teenage daughter and she was confused as what to do? Should I take her to a doctor?

I asked about the reason because I thought the teenager is sick or may be she has some issues where some consultation is needed. I was told by my friend that her teenage kid says she hates herself. When asked why?, she said I hate my body because I am thin and everyone says that I am thin and skinny.
The mother got worried and wanted to know if she should show her to a doctor. The moment I heard this, I really felt angry for those who must be telling this to the daughter. I literally felt like meeting the daughter immediately and help her understand what should be her focus and priority as she is growing up. But then this generation always talks about 'peer-pressure'.

I reflected back on myself when I was a teenager, I was a skinny person and my mother used to tease me saying I will fly away if there is a heavy wind. When I was growing up I did what I liked and that is not bothering anyone and enjoying what I liked. I used to enjoy sports and I was more like a tom-boy and never cared how I looked or how I get tanned in the sun when I am playing. It never bothered me, in fact when adult people used to tell me that I am dusky and I will have difficulty in getting a man - I always proudly replied that its not the only worry in my life. I am fine if I don't get a man but I would like to achieve my dreams that I have priority for. I never had any kind of peer-pressure or depression.

But today's kids they take these things so seriously that even when they visit for a family gathering, other ladies come and comment on how skinny you are or if they see someone is healthier than others then they will comment, ' oh look at you how quickly you are growing up'!
These people who are actually passing such remarks or asking questions themselves have kids who are skinnier and are not yet at the teenage level. Why can't they see their own kids and learn to treat other kids nicely?
I believe whether you are skinnier or you are fat, first thing to understand is how is your health? Are you healthy and have no disease such as diabetic or heart issue etc. As long as you are healthy and are doing all the right things for you, shouldn't even give an ear to such remarks or comments.

Teenage kids very quickly go into depression and this can lead their life into disaster even though they might be the brightest student in their class or school.

As an adult, we all should learn not to discriminate because I feel when people comment on someone being skinny or fat it is basically making a judgement on people. No one decides whether they want to be born skinnier or fat.

So as an adult we all have this responsibility to make sure what and how we talk to kids whether its your neighbors kids or its your own kids. I have heard teenage kids sharing secrets with their friends that their mother says to go on diet because they think the teenager is fat.

I pity such moms and I lose respect for such people. The foundation should be strong and to make it strong please boost your kids confidence by directing them into the right direction as what is most important in life - do you have a good body? do you have all your limbs in condition and are able to walk, run and play around? Be blessed because I know there are many kids who don't have and still they struggle to live a normal life by all means.

I also have a teenage daughter and she is skinny just like how I was but the best part in my case was that I never cared what people thought about me. But it can happen that my kid may not be the same in how she thinks. I always teach my daughter to be open and respectful when she is conversing with anyone. To many she has helped and supported by counseling in school and I always make sure in all this she never gets depressed by listening to someone's comment such as she is skinny.

I met the daughter of my friend and I spoke to her about being skinny and how lucky she is to have a skinny body yet a healthy body where she doesn't have to worry about such things. Instead she should focus on her studies, sports and other things that makes her happy. People only have time to comment negative but in reality no one is perfect.
People whom you might think has a good body must be looking at other people and wondering wish I was tall enough or wish I was short enough to be at a normal height etc.

When we say no one is perfect in behavior, it is the same with looks wise too. I told her its always good to be different than being same like the other.

One advise to people don't say to skinny people that how skinny they are because they know it already - say something new and make sure its a good one.

~ Dawn