The World I Grew Up In

 

I long for the India of my childhood—

Where faith was only faith, seen through secular eyes,

Where no one asked the last name of a friend in play,

Where Diwali sweets were shared, and from the same hands

came bowls of sevaiyaan in Eid delight—

How free was that India when childhood was mine!

I long for the India of my childhood—

Where patience to listen was still a gift,

Where minds differed but we dined from one plate,

And if words stung, we laughed the hurt away,

How mindful, how gentle, was that India of youth.

I long for the India of my childhood—

Where many tongues wove one conversation of smiles,

Where a gesture alone carried honor and respect,

Where no one feared the other—only reverence reigned,

How tolerant was that India of innocence.

I ache for the India of my childhood—

Where theft was seen through the lens of need,

Where violence gave way to compassion’s hand,

Where Usha and Farzana studied and played as one,

How human, how luminous, was that India of my youth.

Yes, I ache for the India of my childhood.

~ Dawn

The Teen Brain: A Revealing Look at Adolescence

 I had the opportunity to attend the screening and discussion of a short film "The Teen Brain".

The Teen Brain," a 10-minute documentary directed by Tiffany Shlain, packs a punch in its concise exploration of adolescence. Produced by actress Goldie Hawn's MindUP program, the film aims to debunk stereotypes and shed light on the fascinating science behind teenage behavior.

The documentary opens by emphasizing the incredible transformation taking place in the brains of teenagers. It highlights their heightened emotional intelligence and capacity for learning, framing these qualities as strengths rather than weaknesses. Experts featured in the film counter the trope of teenagers as reckless by explaining their natural tendency towards risk-taking as a crucial part of development

"The Teen Brain" doesn't shy away from the challenges teens face. It acknowledges the struggles with impulse control and decision-making that can stem from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. However, the film empowers teens with practical tools for navigating this period. Getting enough sleep, taking breaks from technology, and developing self-regulation techniques are all presented as ways teens can take charge of their well-being.

Here's what makes "The Teen Brain" a success:

• Science-Backed Insights: The film relies on expert opinions and research to deliver credible information.
• Positive Framing: It emphasizes the unique strengths and capabilities of the teenage brain.
• Actionable Tips: Teenagers and parents are offered practical strategies for coping with the complexities of adolescence.

While the film's brevity is a strength, some viewers might wish for a deeper exploration of certain topics. Additionally, the focus on individual strategies doesn't delve into the broader societal factors that can impact teenage mental health.

Overall, "The Teen Brain" is a valuable resource for teenagers, parents, and educators. It provides a clear and informative look at the adolescent brain, fostering understanding and offering valuable tools for navigating this transformative period.

~ Dawn

It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities

 

I want to talk about bully! As far as I remember when I was a kid, there were times when I was bullied but we never knew there is something called bully. And even if you share it with someone that you're being bullied, people will look at it as your inability to handle things of your own - so you have that pressure too. 

I remember when I was in first grade and there were these three kids who would scare me and just before lunch time they would sneak out my lunch box, eat everything and leave the lunch box near my desk. For many days I didn't know who is doing that even. Anyhow, one day one of them teased me saying we are the ones who eat your lunch and you don't even know till now. I was really very upset but didn't had the guts to even react there. 

My Dad used to drop me to school every morning and evening I used to walk home with my neighbor. That day I went home and told my Mom about the lunch issue. My Mom was upset and I think she told my Dad, because next day when Dad was dropping me he straight asked me who are the kids that eat your lunch and don't even ask you for? 

I gathered a bit of a courage when Dad was inquiring and I looked around, one of them was playing on the slide and I showed it to my Dad.

Dad straight walked with me towards the slide and the kid for some reason figured out and as soon my Dad reached there he asked the kid can I talk to you and the kid came and said sure. My Dad said, do you and your friends sneak my daughter's lunch box everyday? The kid just looked down and my Dad said don't do that. If you ask her she will definitely share with you and he left.

I was scared wondering what will be the reaction and just like I expected, when all three came together they again came to me and said things and I heard they saying, my Mom is more stronger than her Dad and I will bring her tomorrow. 

"No one heals himself by wounding another."

Anyhow, that first grade was terrible for me though I was a good student and was a favorite of all teachers. Those three kids were always trouble makers and were expelled what I heard.

Anyhow, these kinds of things did happen in later part of the school and in High-school. I remember one of the classmate would be always trying to put me down - I never figured out what did I do to deserve that?

"Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right."

When I am reading a chapter in my English class, I hear whispering how come she can read so well. When I get my test marks even though they have scored higher than me still they would be after me asking, how much did you get? and I would say, less than you.

One time it so happened, very openly this classmate said when we grow up - I will be an engineer from a prestigious college, the other person will be a doctor since they want to do medicine and will have their own clinic, the third person will be a government officer as they aspire to be and when it came my turn, the person said, I will be a housewife cooking food. 

"I would rather be a little nobody than to be an evil somebody."

I felt I was way matured by then because I didn't get angry then instead smiled and said good at least someone will have to cook so that's fine. Now when I think of it, makes me feel how much the person was jealous of me ? or hated me? but for what? I am never rude to this person even today but they always try to put me down all the time. The funny thing is cooking we all do and I am working too !

"Imagine a world where the words you speak appear on your skin. Would you be more careful of what you say?"

But what I want to say is that such things do make an impact on mind otherwise I wouldn't be writing about this here on my blog after so many years...!

So friends, please don't bully anyone and say NO to bully!!!! 

"You never look good trying to make someone else look bad."

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

Let your child play with dolls: boy, girl, gender neutral or all

 

Today is International Girl Child Day and to talk about the challenges and discrimination that girls go through daily in entire life span around the world - it will be tough one.

International day of the Girl Child acknowledges the importance, power, and potential of adolescent girls by encouraging the opening up of more opportunities for them. At the same time, this day is designated to eliminate gender-based challenges that little girls face around the world, including child marriages, poor learning opportunities, violence, and discrimination.

There are privileged one's where the girl survives and gets raised with love and affection. She gets education and still there will be something that she would not be able to do, or say because she is a girl. So we cannot say that girls are treated equally in a patriarchal society where boys have more right for everything.

I remember when the calling out for the rights of women and girls was first achieved by the Beijing Declaration in 1995 at the World Conference on Women in Beijing - I was giving an interview in the Maharashtra Labor Welfare office in India. A question was asked to me - if I get married, will I change my last name to my husband's last name or will I keep my last name that is given by my family. It was a tough one those days, because I was sitting in front of two men who were already talking about what's happening in Beijing and were saying it's crazy!

"When girls are educated, their countries become stronger and more prosperous." ~ Michelle Obama

I didn't respond the way I wanted to then because I wanted to be selected for the Labor Welfare Officer's position as I stood first in Maharashtra for my Masters and hence I said, it is individual's choice. If I feel like adding my husband's last name then I will add and if I don't want then I will keep everything same because either way I will be a wife to the man I am married to.

Both men laughed and one guy who looked more senior in age, said she meant she will keep her husband's last name and she is not getting carried away with this Beijing thing. I was shocked but I only smiled at this and further moved on with rest of the questions. I came out of that office and later got the letter about my selection. It's a different thing that I migrated to Canada exploring that side of the adventure but wanted to share a glimpse of it here. Though the Beijing world conference on Women was the first- ever blueprint to have identified the need for addressing issues faced by adolescent girls all around the world.

"Achieving gender equality is about disrupting the status quo - not negotiating it." ~ Phumzile Mlambo

I remember my parents telling me when my Mom was expecting me, she wanted a girl child and those days there were no gender identifying machines and hence she prayed to have a baby girl. She went to her Mom's house for delivery as my grand father was not keeping well. And that time my Dad sent her a letter saying if you have a baby girl name her Dawn and if baby boy then you can decide what you want to name. This incident clearly reminds me how they were looking forward for me to come into their life. But in India and around the world, there are incidents where as soon they come to know it's going to be a baby girl either they kill the baby in the womb or just after the birth of the baby.

"Girls and boys have similar brains with equal math ability".

Now imagine, if that killing is unsuccessful what this girl who will be born will go through her entire life, until she becomes strong to say No, yet keep fighting for her basic survival. It's a tough world and who makes it?

I was raised by my parents with equal rights but my Mom was always worried about my outspoken nature, because she knew how the world is and hence, I have often seen her giving justification for my nature to others - because she want her daughter to be accepted in this world. And I always listened to my Dad who tells me, do what you like as long as it's not hurting others. Live your life as don't listen to society because they never come for your help when you need one.

I wish to see this world as shown below: where a girl and boy are equal and counted as two people and not one girl and one boy. Equality matters to everyone, not just to boys!

Every day is a happy day with a girl child around. Wishing you a very happy international  day for a girl child.

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

Take only memories, leave only footprints..!

 

Today I am going to talk about my favorite vacation. Well, growing up every alternate year we used to visit my maternal grandma's place for summer vacation. My Dad's side of the family only had cousins as my grandparents died very early while my Dad was still young. Hence, summer vacation used to be in Kerala, India. 

I remember how we as kids are studying hard to give the final exams and Mom used to be busy shopping gifts for my granny and my aunts and kids and also clothes for me to wear in that part of the region. Mainly she would buy long skirts, no sleeveless, no shorts, no short skirts and these were clothes that I will be wearing when I am at my granny's house. I was told you can wear whatever you want here that's not a problem but when we go to granny's place its a village and people don't look at you with respect when you're wearing short dresses etc. It was weird but that's how it is.

"It is better to see something once than to hear about it a thousand times."

Living at lush green place was such a beautiful memory even today. There was a river called Pamba Nadi (Nadi means river) and my granny and her kids whoever were living nearby would take shower there and I used to love to play in the water hence I used to make a trip to the river more than three times and since we were coming from the city, my granny would say you city people may not be used to the cold water from the river and you will fall sick and guess what I would fall sick and then everyone in the house will come to rescue me as I was the youngest grandchild then. But guess what, after that I would be strictly asked to take shower at home with hot water! That was boring, but I really had fun with my aunt who would take me everywhere she goes.

Having those beautiful memories from childhood, growing up and traveling around is fun but the favorite one that I felt was when we as a family went to Hawaii - Maui island. 

We had booked an apartment where we could cook in the kitchen as well. The soil, the plants, trees and flowers everything was so similar to Kerala that I had to educate my kids about these and also shared my childhood stories. It was funny when I saw Mimosa Pudica flower and asked my kids to touch the leaves as they are also called touch-me-not plant. Kids started enjoying as they touched the leaves and the leaves would shy away and close and they repeated this just to see if it really happens. 

"Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children are roots and wings." ~ Hodding Carter

I was surprised to see African Tulip tree in Hawaii as after leaving India, I don't think I have seen this in any other country that I have visited and one can only imagine my happiness connected to my childhood as this tree has ornamental flowers and has small claw like buds which has fluid inside. As kids we used to cut the tip of the bud and the water used to come out like from a piston and kids used to put it on each other while playing and the seed of this tree is hidden in a boat shaped shell and we used to also play with those after removing the seeds... so much to share with kids and my kids could see the happiness that I was having while sharing some of my childhood stories.

Similarly you go anywhere there's a beach and these beaches are so fun to be in as the water is warm unlike the California beaches where its so cold that you can't get out there without wearing your jacket. It was so much fun we did all the touristy stuff, road to Hana and watching the sunrise, the waterfalls, then for snorkeling which was an adventure because that time I didn't know how to swim and I was wondering if I would be able to snorkel.

I overcome the fear of getting drowned and with the help of the trainers I was able to initially go in the water and slowly as I was enjoying watching the sea animals under the sea water, I realized my trainer had left me to assist some other kid and for a minute I was conscious but soon got control of it and enjoyed snorkeling myself. That was an amazing experience which I will not forget.

Besides that, we also did the helicopter ride tour and it was so beautiful that reminded me of Kerala. Everything had a connection with my childhood, the Mother Nature, the flowers, the trees that specifically grows in tropical country and here I could see everything just like that. 

"Smell the sea, and feel the sky. Let your soul and spirit fly." ~ Van Morrison

It was a two week vacation but I fell in love with this place and started looking for job because I didn't feel like leaving this place!

Well, like they say your desires and priorities and responsibilities all will come to one decision - it's packing time.

No matter where I have been since my childhood, its always the nature that has captured my heart and it makes me feel happy that nature has so much to offer to us - the Love and Happiness!!!

"Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which consciously separates the past from the future." ~ Maya Angelou

~ Dawn

Note: Now you can listen to the audio version of my blogs in Hindi on the UshaDawn Hindi Podcast on Google, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Check it out and new episodes uploaded every day 3 AM Pacific Standard Time

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving..!

 I knew it will happen some day and the day is arriving. I am talking about my daughter who will go into college and that means she will be moving out of the house.

Many times in conversation, my daughter would ask me to see my reaction, Mom, will you cry? And my answer to her is why should I cry? You're growing in your life from school to college and then your career and the same thing I did so when I see you going in that path, I should be proud and happy.

"Good luck in college! Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them." ~ William Arthur Ward

I know what she meant by asking that question and probably she also knows it.

I cannot think of something that will happen in the future but react now for that, doesn't make any sense. 

If you ask me, one day if she goes for sleep over at her friend's house the house looks empty but that's a different thing, we have to get used to it.

I have never stopped my kids from anything that is for their education and or for their future because I feel my emotions cannot be an hinderance towards that. Every parent goes through and I will also go through that phase. Why go far to search an example, when your baby has grown up to a teenager to an adult that's also a phase that parents goes through that oh, I can't hold my baby in my arms anymore. So change is evident and we have to embrace it and move forward.

"May the universe work in your favor."

I can imagine what my parents must have felt when I moved to Canada and USA. But at least in my time I was living with my parents until I got married, that's the culture back in India then.

As the time is approaching, my daughter's desk, bed, luggage, kitchen items and other cleaning items is moving into her apartment that she will be sharing with other girls. I guess this phase is mentally preparing both of us. 

I know this pandemic made everyone stuck at home and so she didn't experience what it is to go to a college because of online classes, and finally her last year she is getting to live out of her home near the college campus.

"Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago." Warren Buffett

As a mother, I feel this is a must in every child's life - a chance to live independently and manage their activities along with managing their food, laundry, cleaning and at the same time how to live with their friends or room mates because you get too comfortable living at home. This will give you a glimpse of outside world - not the real one but still!

At this moment, I am being strong as I want my kid to manage things while I am there because this is all a preparation for the time when her loved ones won't be there but she will confidently manage things for herself.

I was raised to be an independent kid by my parents and it helped me to manage my life independently and I think every child should be given a chance for that. I see many Indian parents they spoon feed their kids meaning, helping in every step and sometimes in that path the kid starts expecting it all the time. 

One thing I always remember which my Dad had told me, your parents won't be there with you all the time. So, you should be able to manage things of your own without depending on anyone.

"Carpe diem. Seize the day. Make your life extraordinary." ~ John Keating

At least, my daughter knows that I am there for her as long as I am alive but for now she is capable of handling her life as I raised her that way.

You're now independent. You have freedom. But responsibilities come with that freedom. Focus on your studies and keeping all the other balls in the air. Call me for any reason, it will be a little overwhelming at first, but you will find your way around, you will get the hang of things, you will make friends, and you will make memories that last a lifetime. 

"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter." ~ Melissa Marr

When my friends appreciate my kids, for their maturity, for their behavior - I think I am successful at least in some part of my life. Every parent looks for this day and I wish my daughter a very successful and fruitful year in college.

"Let every child be successful in their dreams as for parents we only hope for their happiness." ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

Kids are the anchors of mother's life...!

 The other day I was talking about age  and thought I should share about raising kids with large age gap.

There are kids who have mostly with less age gap, in fact my brother and myself have an age gap of three years. Those days that was considered to be an ideal age gap between siblings as they said kids grow together and it will help parents also to raise them etc.

I didn't follow this norm, well I am one of those black swan who is always going the other way ... :D !

Well, when I was pregnant with my first kid I only expected to have a girl and this was not to bring in gender issue or discrimination but I felt I know how to raise a girl child as supposed to a boy child.

When you become a mother you don't know what it is and hence you can expect anything either. Only good thing was that I decided to conceive and deliver and things worked out that way. Luckily my daughter was born and I knew exactly how I am going to raise her. 

Everything went well, and even though I delivered her when I was young I grew with her. I made sure what I missed as growing up because my Mom had certain thought process which was more or less old school and hence I filled those gaps with my daughter. I shared information with her as an awareness rather than thinking this is a tabu and I shouldn't be discussing etc.

As my daughter was growing up I was working hard too. I felt in this busy life if you want to bring your child you better have time for them or else don't bring them unnecessarily. Hence one kid is sufficient.

It was the time when my daughter started asking for a sibling when I thought of having second kid. Me and my husband discussed about having second child and so our second child was born and at that time my daughter was eight years old. To be frank, I felt it worked out very well for us.

I was able to talk to my daughter about the second child and when my son was born we engaged our daughter in the tasks that would keep her engaged with her little brother as well as make her understand why more attention is given to your brother more than you. 

I was able to make my daughter understand this so she never felt jealous of her younger brother in fact, she became a great helper for us. Whenever I am, or my husband is changing the diaper she will help with giving the wipes, diaper, powder etc or even during giving a bath to the little one, it was a great fun game for her.

"The difference between like, love and in love is the same as the difference between for now, for a while, and forever" 

Having an eight years gap between kids, gave me an opportunity to spend time with them individually. This was a very satisfying decision for me and for my kids of course as none of them felt they were neglected. By the time my second child was born my daughter was able to understand why babies needs to be taken care all the time and how they need help with everything. This wouldn't have been possible if they were with less age gap I feel.

Besides, I also had a good break between the two deliveries. After my first one, I wayback to my routine, my work and my workouts. I feel it is very important for everyone to think about self-care and this has no gender. Everyone has the right to it and women should think about those too. But there is no such restrictions because some think of having kids quickly with less age gap will help them to focus on all and get done with their schools and colleges etc. 

But spacing your children a little wider means, you get to be back to your normalcy with sleep, and other routines. This time gives you to be energized and refresh for the next one :) !

One thing I figured with the age gap between kids is that there is no rivalry between them. There is more understanding and I noticed they help each other when needed. In my case since my daughter is the older child her understanding with her brother and with us as parents is very well aligned and this makes us only happy for the decisions that we made.

But let me tell you when they have grown at certain age and the older one tries to be mischievous the younger one doesn't have to take things in that spirit because sometimes I have to interfere and explain them that its a joke and how everyone may not take it in that spirit. So yes, sometimes things go in that direction and it makes the younger one grow faster too :) !

Another benefit for us was in-built babysitter :). When I used to cook and my husband is busy with work my daughter would play with the little one and keep him engaged and entertained so that we could do what we want to do. We were able to go for our parties when my teenager daughter didn't want to join and looking at the big sister my son also used to decide to stay home and it helped us to leave them at home so that was another benefit with the age gap !

Big kids learn to be responsible and the younger one just learns everything under the sun. Today, my daughter not only understand what's better for her younger brother but my son also understands and respect the elder sister and the bond they have is amazing which any parent would want for their children.

Though like every coin has two sides, I will not say that there aren't any challenges. There were times when one has friends and they go and meet their friends and the other one is young and had to be taken to play-dates separately. The questions from the young one, why I don't get to meet my friends often as big sister gets? Why is she going to meet her friends and I can only go for play-dates etc. Sometimes, playing games or watching movies or any other activity where the age gap can be challenging for you as a parent.

The time when you feel your daughter will be done soon with college and you're free, you will see you have another child who is only in high-school still. So its not done yet :D is a reminder!

Overall, it worked out well for us because we always communicated and explained why one size doesn't fit all. It helped them understand better not only in the family but their look out outside as well is well understood. They behavior is very matured and it feels good to see how friends after talking to them praise them to us as parents.

I feel, whether there is a big age gap or less age gap, its an experience and you have to set the expectation at home with everyone so that within the family you start understanding each other and make things work out.

At the end, what works for you better may not work for others, people have choices and when they make it they better stick to it together. Be positive and communicative this helps everyone to be on the same page with expectations.

"Love has no eyes, no age, no culture, nor religion. Love has no disability, no gender, nor race. It only takes two crazy individuals to make it happen."

~ Dawn