I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived…

Life sometimes really teaches you so many things in so many different ways.
I have realized this as I was growing up.

I remember it was spring time when I used to see this dark skinny guy wearing white shirt and white lungi (a traditional outfit for men in Southern part of India) with a black framed specs. The first thing I noticed was his smile where in I could see few twisted or broken teeth.
He used to come to our neighbor’s house where he used to make the ladies stitch the clothes. In a way he was making living for himself but at the same time he was giving a way of living to the ladies who were our neighbor’s sisters.

My dad used to come from office whether during lunch time or even after office hours this guy used to come and chit chat with him. They used to exchange cigarettes, at times my dad would prepare tea and invite him and things started moving on in this way.
I was a little girl watching him all the time as to me he was still a stranger…though people used to address him as Tailor Master. He used to give sweets to me and during summer vacation time he used to play with us carom board just like kids…he was an expert and I always had this in mind that I want to defeat him at least in one game.

He used to coach me at times, he used to get mad at me at times when I am making mistakes while hitting the coins. He used to challenge me and many times I have accepted it and won as well and as a reward he used to give me money.
Important thing to note was not how much but whatever he could figure out the amount that is rolled into his shirt’s sleeves he will remove it and give it to me.

Taking money from anyone is not considered a good habit and I was very scared to do so. The first time he gave me the reward that was in front of my parents and when parents said that’s okay…he said, ‘No, but I gave her the word so in my case you should let your daughter to take it and since then taking money from Tailor Master as a reward or bet became common. I felt proud one time when I defeated him in the game in fact Tailor Master was surprised and he was amazed too.

“As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose”

Tailor Master was a guy who had no relatives, no family members. He was a single guy – working as a Tailor in Goal Market in National Defense Academy (NDA) – Goyal Clothing Store. He used to decide whether he will go to work or not. At times his absence from work will lead to no money and at that time my granny who was visiting us that summer used to invite him for lunch and dinner.

That’s the time I actually came to know he was alone and has no one to be called as his own. I used to ask lot of questions to my granny on this…as how can one be without anyone – isn’t it sad?
I used to be nice with Tailor Master, my granny went back and I took her place when it came to lunch, dinner or tea for Tailor Master. He used to tell my parents that I am very kind heart and it could be a problem for me as people can take advantage of my this nature.

There were times when I used to get angry with Tailor Master as he used to tease me and play pranks on me – even though his age was more than my dad – his childish attitude gave me freedom to play pranks on him, or tease him etc.
My mom always used to tell me call him uncle and not Tailor Master but I never could change as everyone else used to call him that way.

I remember my school uniforms were all stitched by him. I tell you he was an expert in that and hence no wonder his leave of absence never lead him to be jobless. In school when other girls used to see my uniform they used to ask their tailors to stitch that way and when they couldn’t get it exactly then they came to me asking for my tailor. His work was amazing – he used to always remind me of a traveler whether sunny, rain or winter he used to be in the same outfit.
I remember one time he came to my mom and said I don’t know by the time your daughter gets married will I be still alive so let me contribute some money as and when I can so that later you can buy a gift for her from my side.

I still feel that was such a touching thought…I used to collect the coins and bills in the powder tin and bought a golden locket for my necklace.
He used to speak his heart for which some liked him and some didn’t. I always liked him for what he said, what he shared and always enjoyed the part where I used to fight with him – but it was very sad to hear yesterday when my dad said he is no more…!
He was supposed to meet my dad this month. It’s true one can’t say anything about humans.
I pay my tribute by remembering him since my childhood till date. May his soul rest in peace. I am sure he is watching me and giving his blessings too. Even though he came to this world all alone ..he lived all alone as per his will and he made friends and family along the way as he crossed through places in life and I am pretty sure he has touched many lives who will be thankful to him and will be praying for him.

”A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man”

A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within…

 

New Year’s Eve is a moment when you happily and content-fully say – Good-bye to old year and welcome the new year with lots of hope and aspirations.

My this year’s 2010 New Year’s Eve was well spent with meeting my blog friend – Pria.
Yes, I always have made plans with my blog friends based on my visit to a particular city and so far I only got lucky meeting Pria and her family in my favorite city Toronto.

It’s so easy when your thoughts match on the blog world with friends, it doesn’t take much to connect with them when you meet in person and that’s the feeling I got when I met Pria at her residence.
The eve is leading to the new year with the hope and aspiration of meeting more and more friends from all over the world…and I am hopeful with that thought with a kick-start meet with Pria.

As I say good-bye to this city Toronto, I also wish good luck to my friends for everything to go well as the new year approaches…I am sure things will change for better and it will…


Happy New Year To All My Friends…this year’s motto is :

“Drive yourself happy instead of crazy. Every minute spent stressing is one less minute being happy” – so let’s enjoy and be merry

We do not remember days, we remember moments…

Today I went around the places where I first landed and lived my initial period of life and it did remind me all the struggle days and those weak moments when I was home-sick and yet had the determination to make my place in this busy country.


It was very nostalgic and as the roads, street names and houses where I lived came across, it brought all memories live. I went through each place where I later rented, the place where I established myself in my career and finally the house that I bought in the city.

Today when I go through those areas, indeed I was in the heart of city where I lived but the con part of it that it has become old. The houses are same, people might have moved or passed on their heritage to their kids and what not. But there is no innovation. Couple of houses were re-built which did give the new look however city is always like that.

I felt content being in these places. I am satisfied with what I have and I really felt that I have moved on. To all my friends who got bored of my saying about things in Canada and the life about Canada…I guess this is it. I had to visit once to give a stop to my those feelings.

I am happy that this is the country and the city Toronto that I choose to be part of. It did help me in growing up in my life and career. It did teach me a different outlook of life and people. It did bring that element in me which made me think more than myself and gave me the opportunity to help people and love people in the way they are.

All this and more with experience I moved on in life towards USA to California with a new life and motto – and believe me I am happy.

Today I have this heart to say that I am happy where I am with my loved ones – in the heart of city where along with my loved ones I have mother nature to give solace and peace, new friends and new atmosphere to live on…I am thankful for everything.
Still with some nostalgic moments…yet a content heart…people move and progress in life only to leave the place with memories and more memories…

“We must always have old memories and young hopes”

Anywhere is paradise; it’s up to you ;-)

 

Visiting Niagara was a usual weekend activity for a person like me who never looked at what time or hour of the night it is.
Same spirit I have this time too – which made me feel I am still the same and not changed a bit. Quick decision making and preparing in the limited given time had always been my nature and I guess I find it thrilling.
My drive was amazing as going through the huge buildings made me realize how city gal I am and how I used to drive through these places so often.
Every thought was cherishing the old one and adding the new one to the current one. I always enjoyed the night part of Niagara as it lights up with lights and music bands. The winter never killed or took away the spirit of joy and fun – I witnessed it even today.
People covered with winter jackets, caps and mufflers and yet smiling and running away from the mist as it hit their faces.
Nature always gave solace to my heart in times then and even today. Speechless yet with mind full of thoughts. Unknowingly so many times it ran over to the past to present…the mist of life was getting spread all over and yet the feeling is refreshing.
Once again I felt like living in that freshness.

“By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful.”

I always wondered what was that cold war between Canada and US and I always felt the attitude is what made them think about Americans.
This time coming from America looking at Canadians…I felt Canadians are more humble – no offense to any Americans but then coming from US this time I could relate it to one thing – People in Canada come as immigrants no matter how educated one is, they have to go through the struggle part of it which takes them from all ups and downs of life.
Americans do have immigrants too however, they are all well placed with jobs if not with status in the country – this small element does bring that big impact to one’s attitude.
To add to it when A Visa status moves to Green Card the attitude has no limits!
No matter what, one needs to go through a phase where it does bring the mankind to be down to earth and I think one gets there in Canada.

“Swallow your pride occasionally, it’s non-fattening!”

A Garden is a Friend You Can Visit Anytime…!

I have been living in this city over 10 years and It was not that I have always been living here. I used to take vacation time off and go to India, South Korea and still when I returned it gave the feeling of coming home.


After 5 years of my visit to the city, why I remembered all the way back when I landed in this country all by myself alone? CN Tower always gave me the significance of strength and courage. Today when I see it gives me the same message.

Going around downtown, looking at those busy subways and the crowd took me back to my days when I was just few weeks new in this country going around the clock based on my work schedule. I have often craved for moments when I can sit in that food court and watch others rushing around. Today was that day – it brought tears and smile too.

My 11 years old kid asks me – “are you crying?” and, I am wondering if I can explain it though I did but the essence is only in one’s feeling which cannot be shared.
It was amazing to know that I still remember the roads to my home where once upon a time I used to live …memories are so touching that it takes you literally back to those days and everything looks so clear then about the paths that you come along.

Yes, as one of my best friend in Canada said to me – ‘You have come a long way and you are doing better now’ – I owe to this city everything.
Nostalgic moments only brings happiness whether from past or from present – it’s cherishing moment.

“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past perfect”

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love

It was early March when Shirley got her job in the bank. She was quite excited and planning ahead to grow in the bank.
 She made few friends while they were in training. Shirley was happy about her new job, as her ambition and dreams were connected with it.

 Everyone was assigned their desks. Shirley took her files and binders and was moving to her desk. As she was moving towards her desk, she was looking around at other colleagues and was greeting them with her smile.

 There were people from all ages and races too. There was one guy who had a salt-n-pepper hair, who smiled at Shirley and greeted as welcome.

 Shirley thanked and moved on to her desk. She cleaned it and arranged all her files neatly.
 As time was passing she came to know many people who were senior to her by joining date in the bank.

The guy whom Shirley used to see as salt-n-pepper hair, Shirley got to know that his name is Irfaan. He was a gentleman, well groomed in London and he had moved from London to Canada.

 Shirley always looked at him with respect. Whenever she used to be in the break room she used to see Irfaan with his sugar testing instrument.

One day she stopped and said, 'Salam Irfaan ji'!
Irfaan said, 'Wasalam!' How are you pretty young lady?


Shirley: (smiling) I am fine thank you! How are you doing? 
and what is this instrument for?


Irfaan: (with a smile) I am doing fine thank you! I am diabetic and I always have to test my sugar before I plan whether to have a biscuit with my tea or not!

Shirley felt bad, it was not sympathy but she felt its so sad even if he want to eat his cookie he can't if the instrument tells not to!

 These thoughts were just going in the mind of Shirley, when Irfaan said you are looking very beautiful in that dress.

Shirley: (suddenly coming back to the break room as if) oh! thank you! I will see you later, take care (and she left the break room to go to her desk)



After this incident, Shirley used to make sure that she gives some time to Irfaan. At least to talk and see how he is doing. Irfaan, who used to be alone now felt that he did find a friend at work.


Shirley used to take subway to go home. That night she got stuck with her final documentations with the team members and hence she left immediately after finishing her work, to catch her subway to home.

She saw Irfaan was in the Subway too. Shirley went to Irfaan and sat next to him and said, 'oh! I didn't know that you also take subway to home.

Irfaan: (with a warm smile) Yes, I take subway too! 
Since then Shirley along with her other friends from work used to take subway with Irfaan. Everyone was very helpful and caring towards Irfaan. 

Irfaan, being with young folks, enjoyed his time and started thinking young from heart too. He used to compliment Shirley as Shirley was very professional in her behavior and attire too. 

Shirley took Irfaan's compliment as joke. As Irfaan started sharing his personal life with Shirley, Shirley felt how lonely Irfaan is.


Irfaan was born in India and his family moved to Pakistan during partition time when he was only 5 years old.
 His heart speaks like a Indian though his language is as polite and beautiful as any Pakistani would do with lovely urdu language. 
Irfaan moved to London as he turned 18 and did all his studies in London. He got married and got two beautiful daughters. After many years of staying in London, Irfaan thought to migrate to Canada with his family.
By now Irfaan had only one elder brother who was still in London. Parents had already gone on the heavenly board. His wife, who was a calm, quite and religious lady started seeing other man as she came to Canada.


Sadly, today Irfaan is alone who is working and trying to pay his bills only to see his daughters whenever he gets to meet them. 
Shirley felt very bad as she know what is loneliness as she was still single even though she had a huge friend circle at work. 
Shirley as her nature is, used to care for Irfaan and used to make sure he is also taken care by others at work.
 Everyone came to a point where Irfaan was not judged by his age but he was considered as a friend of their age and they used to joke around with him like any other 20s would do.
 One day as Shirley was working she noticed Irfaan's voice was shaky and the words were not clear. Shirley started calling Irfaan, 'Irfaan ji, are you ok? Irfaan ji...can you hear me?
Irfaan slightly turned his face and with a smile looked at Shirley and said, 'Yes! I will be fine. Don't worry!
Shirley saw that Irfaan was not okay. His eyes were rolling up and he still want to finish his work. Shirley quickly got out of her seat and went to see her manager. She said to her manager Paul, 'I think you should check on Irfaan. I don't think he is feeling good. He is not listening to me but I am worried for his health.'
Paul, immediately assured Shirley that he will take care of it and Paul ran to Irfaan.
Irfaan was sent home with one of the colleague in a cab. He was asked to take rest and if he feels good the next day only then he should come to office.
Irfaan came to Shirley before leaving and said, 'I will be okay beautiful! make sure you don't kill anyone else with your beautiful gestures' and he went away.
Shirley wondered, what a guy - he is so sick and still he is joking and smiling. She said you are in my prayers for sure.
Next day Irfaan didn't come to work. Shirley made a call to him and made sure he is okay.
Irfaan said, 'I am feeling a bit weak and hence I decided to take rest. But I will miss seeing you. Are you dressed to kill today also?'
Shirley laughed at this and wondered what is he talking about - has he gone crazy? and then she said, 'Irfaan ji, I think you really need to take rest and we will see you tomorrow all healthy and well.' and then she said, take care and kept the phone down.
Shirley that evening while going home from work, called Irfaan again to make sure he is doing fine. Irfaan promised her that he will call her and let her know if there is anything that is needed.
Shirley got assured and she came home.
Next morning, Shirley went to work and got busy so much that she couldn't even take her lunch break. Around 3:00 pm she felt so hungry that she decided to take a break.
As she was about to take off, her desk phone started ringing. Shirley first thought to ignore, but as always she worried -'what if it's something urgent?
She said to her other friend, 'you carry on I will join you after this call.
Shirley took the call and at the other end there was Irfaan, who had a very deep yet shaky voice - 'Hello dear Shirley, I wanted to tell you something before they take me from here'.
Shirley, got worried and said, 'what happened Irfaan ji, are you ok? You don't sound good. Did you call your doctor? I think you should go to the hospital. I am worried that you are not doing well.
Irfaan: 'I will be fine. The doctor said my sugar has gone into my blood now. I should be ok. Please let me tell you something which I won't be able to tell you once they come and take me away.
Shirley, thought they might be the ambulance people who might be coming and taking him to the hospital. She thought to listen to him and give company on the phone.

Irfaan: Shirley, I don't know whether it's right or wrong but I love you. Deep in my heart you are my angel who has always given me love and only love. Sometimes, I think it is destiny to meet you. You are a beautiful person in your heart and that reflects on your face and behavior too. When I used to send emails saying, - whom are you dressed up to kill? It was not a joke…as you did send those arrows to my heart with your killing looks.
Shirley, got worried and wondered what's up with Irfaan Ji? He is so elderly person and what has gone wrong with him to talk to me like this? She thought probably it's due to his sickness and she said, 'Irfaan ji ! I think you are not feeling well and I think you should not talk too much also as you need rest.
Irfaan: Shirley, please don't stop me. If I don't say now, I will not be able to tell this anytime later. I want to tell you this and after that I will hang up and take rest.
Shirley, didn't know how to react and she thought to listen and let him say what he wants to say.
Irfaan: Shirley, I love you and I had this dream to recite Shakespeare to the one I love.
Please allow me to recite this and after that I will hang up as they will come and take me away.
Shirley was all surprised and wondering what is Irfaan ji saying...
Irfaan on the phone:
"In faith, I will. Let me peruse this face.
Mercutio's kinsman, noble County Paris!
What said my man, when my betossed soul
Did not attend him as we rode? I think
He told me Paris should have married Juliet:
Said he not so? or did I dream it so?
Or am I mad, hearing him talk of Juliet,
To think it was so? O, give me thy hand,
One writ with me in sour misfortune's book!
I'll bury thee in a triumphant grave;
A grave? O no! a lantern, slaughter'd youth,
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light.
Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd.

How oft when men are at the point of death
Have they been merry! which their keepers call
A lightning before death: O, how may I
Call this a lightning? O my love! my wife!
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?
O, what more favour can I do to thee,
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again: here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!"

Shirley, you there right? are you there still..?
Shirley: Yes, Irfaan Ji, I am listening. I think you should take rest as I am worried for you.

Irfaan: Shirley, you know this is by heart to me. I am not reading from any book. It is all in my heart and today is the only day that I was able to recite it and that too to someone I love - May Allah give you all the happiness and peace in life.
Now, I will go and sleep. Let them come and take me away but Shirley don’t feel anything bad, for me loving you so deeply.

Shirley: Irfaan ji, you take care. Those ambulance people should come and take you to the hospital. I will call you tonight to check how you are doing. Take care

Irfaan: I am a free bird today and I will fly to heaven as I believe and you are the only one who has made that path easier for me. You always have been with me in my lonely and painful times. Now I don’t have any hesitation to say that you are a beautiful woman and I am deeply in love with you. Someone else will be lucky who will marry you.
Alvida! (Good bye in urdu)

Shirley with a confused and shocked gestures! She got out of the phone and discussed this with her friend who was supposed to be taking break with Shirley.
Her friend laughed out saying Shirley, you made that guy crazy - gal, leave him alone and she laughed and walked to her desk.

Shirley’s mind was occupied with Irfaan ji’s talks and she kept on telling herself that he is not in his presence of mind and hence ignore it.

In the evening when Shirley called Irfaan ji...it went to his voice mail. Shirley left a message, ‘ Irfaan ji I hope you are feeling better and are getting treated in the hospital. Let me know when you get this message, I would like to hear from you till then take care!’

There was no response or no calls were returned. Shirley through out called and left messages until on Sunday the message she heard that the mailbox is full.

Monday morning, Shirley went to office and first thing she went to see was for Irfaan ji at his desk. The desk was empty.
Shirley ran to her manager and said, ‘Paul, do you have any update on Irfaan? I have been calling him but he never called me back and now his mail box is full. You can’t even leave him a message.
Paul: Actually, we also called him and his mailbox is full. I have sent someone to his home. We should hear from him soon.
Shirley: thanks Paul, I will wait for that.

Shirley went back to her desk without any mood to work. Through out she was thinking about the last talk she had with Irfaan ji.

Suddenly, Paul came close to Shirley and with all caution he said, ‘Shirley, we came to know that Irfaan died on Saturday around 4:00 pm

Shirley: what? 4:00 p.m.? It’s impossible because he was talking to me till 4:00 pm on the phone. How can he?
Paul consoling Shirley: Listen, I understand you were the last person with whom he was talking. After that he had his last breath and till Monday morning his body was lying in the apartment. No one came to know about it. Cops came and they took care of the rest. His brother has been called and he will be visiting to do the funeral rituals.

Shirley couldn’t believe all this. She was shocked though in the office all her colleagues were crying and talking about Irfaan as how good person he was.

Some how Shirley never cried, her manager made sure that some of her good friends visit her home and give company that night but it was no use.
Shirley never cried - may be she feels he is still there, the love that he showered upon in those 45 minutes of time that he spent on the phone that day, cannot die just like that.

How strange it is that you come to know about a person when he is actually gone out of this world...

You never know where life comes and knocks at the door to say Hello or Good bye!


PS: This is a real story - May Irfaan’s soul RIP.

Light is good from whatever lamp it shines… ;-)

Happy Festivities Friends - When I say that it speaks about the festivals that have come and gone but still left the fragrance of it yet, other festivals are on the way.

In all this my birthday too came in and this year I felt I am born again and hence the childhood days and memories kicked-in once again.

Dia was born in the year of Diwali - the festival of light. Her name indicated that when her father insisted on naming Dia (lamp).
A lamp is very symbolic in everyone’s life which spreads and gives out light. It takes away the darkness and brings you in light to see things clearly.

Dia had those qualities as well because she used to bring the cheerfulness and happiness with whom ever she met and been with.
Life was so easy that she didnt realize when she finished her studies and when she took the serious steps of life to get into married life.

Life only gets complicated when we make it. So did happen to Dia also. The girl who had the dreams to fly and live them, couldn’t continue to it as the family need came in front of her eyes.
She burned like a lamp to give the light to the family. All the ups and downs were taken care of and yet she didn’t made realize her family the pain that she is going through to bring that light to the family.
Family had no clue as things were going normal and as usual. Everything was rosy and dandy until when Dia had a stroke.
She was rushed to hospital in the emergency and by the time family reached the hospital - Dia was declared to be bed-ridden for her life.

 Imagine a person who has lived life by her own terms and ways, what could this bring to? She wanted to show her anger and frustration but sad she couldn’t even do that. Her body doesn’t respond anymore. Her eyes were the only source which kept the communication on.

Tears rolled out again and again. She looked up in the sky thinking why did God do this to me when he knows that I am needed for my family. Why he had to cut this source in such a brutal way - can’t he see my kids? can’t he have mercy on them and could have saved me from this situation?
There was no God present who could have given answer to all her queries. She cried and cried and begged to all Gods in the world to make her better for family sake.

But as they say, the lamp keeps burning until there is oil in it. After that it gives only darkness to self and to others.

Life can become a tragedy from comedy if you don’t keep an eye on your lamps. Make sure you oil them and take care of them if you need that light from them.

"Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark" ~ R. Tagore

I learned this from my parents that if something is precious to you make sure you keep it properly so that you have it all the time with you and available to you!
Happy Diwali, Happy Thanksgiving To All My Friends! I will be back again ;-)