Childhood is the most beautiful of all life’s seasons

I still remember my first day in 2nd grade. It was a new admission for me in KVK NDA. I was kind of nervous entering the class as the 2nd A class was in a different building altogether. I had reached after the prayers hence the filled class made me more nervous. Everyone was staring at me. Those eyes were screaming and telling me as if ‘you’re late!’.

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how”.

My class teacher Mahajan Maa’m called me close to her and introduced me to everyone in the class. She was very nice, I felt someone knows me here.
The teacher asked me to be seated and asked our class monitor Arunima to help if anything is needed.
Arunima, was a tall girl in our class and her caring nature always made us felt like she is our elder sister. She used to help with sharpening our pencils and making sure we have our homework done. If not she will ask us to do and when and where ever needed she will help us.
The boys in the class were naughty and hence I don’t remember a single guy from my class except A.R. Manoj.
Manoj was a short and cute guy. Our parents knew each other and hence we felt it’s okay to be friends.
I was so afraid to walk around in the class as I remember one of the classmate Anagha who used to scare me out with her big eyes. She was my bench partner. Arunima made me feel so comfortable that I wished if I could sit with her but she was sitting at the last bench as she was the tallest girl in our class.
I remember telling Arunima about it and she used to make sure Anagha behaves with me.

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are”.

I can say I learned singing and dancing from there. Arunima used to make sure that all the girls are engaged with one or the other task. Arunima and her sister Gaitry both were in the same class and we used to dance on the number that they used to sing – Dhitang -Dhitang bole oh madhurletal tole – a bengali number which Arunima and Gaitry used to sing and make all of us dance. It turned out to be a action song for us.
I used to be amazed when I first heard Arunima singing the song ‘My heart is beating’. She was like our role model. I used to do things that will make her happy and never missed an opportunity where she used to smile and give a hug.
We became so close that after school Arunima and Gaitry used to visit my home and all evening we used to play until it’s 6:00 p.m. when they used to pick up their school bags and say bye to go home.
Evening always brought those parting sadness. But the next dawn was with hope to meet them in the class.
Arunima was one of those monitors who not only used to monitor the class but always took care of the classmates as if they were her own kids. If anyone fell or not playing… sitting hungry or alone, she used to make sure that child is taken care of. A very soft spoken with a melodious voice – that’s the Arunima I have in my mind even today.

“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

I still can’t forget those ‘booth (ghost) dance’ in Arunima’s own words…she used to make sure that after our lunch time we don’t go and mess around outside hence she used to tell all of us to let’s play ‘booth dance – ghost dance’ – but the way she taught us was all like the tribal dance. We used to make similar noises and jump around and dance like the tribal in South Africa. In short, there was a not a single opportunity where we didn’t enjoy.
How life passed since then was never noticed as happiness takes you through all ups and down and then she was moved to Southern Command KV school.
She came back to our class again but this time she was a matured girl only to be reserved.

“Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things”

I always cherished – Arunima of 2nd grade. Never got to know what happened but inside our heart we had that warmth for each other.
Today after many years I happened to talk to her and I could feel the same soft voice of hers which used to sing and make everyone soothing.
It’s true, we say past is past but how much happiness they bring to present is a present in itself.

“Bring the past only if you are going to build from it.” ~ Domenico Cieri Estrada

Thank You Arunima for bringing those moments alive once again in thoughts!

This post of mine is dedicated to all my school and college mates – with whom I have spent my best of childhood and teenage life which brings back all that moments alive as I am meeting them one by one.

“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older” ~ Tom Stoppard

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else

Life is so complicated, that I always refer back and wonder there was nothing wrong with my childhood. Why life doesn’t remain a child always?

As a kid we fight with our best friend and we also know how to make it up. But its only when we grow up we don’t know how to make up and why is that? Specially, when we say kids don’t know anything they are still growing..they are still learning.

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today” ~ Stacia Taushcher

I think it’s time for a change in understanding that kids are not mere kids who don’t know anything. In fact we can learn a lot even if we have grown up we have our kids or kids around us from whom we can learn.

I always like to go back to my childhood and many of my friends say that I am going in my past. There is nothing wrong in taking tips and learning from past – isn’t it?

My dad many times supported me as a child on my decisions and I think he knew exactly what he was doing at that time even though it looked to my mom that my dad is unnecessarily spoiling me!

This reminds me of an incident it was my 12th birthday. I remember I had few friends who used to fight to be my best friends. Why if you ask, I am not sure may be because of my fun loving nature or something else but they used to make me say it and make me write it on my rough book that – so and so is my best friend.

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”

I remember my nature was that I used to do it just to make them happy. Because prior doing that I always used to tell them that you all are my best friends and one is under one arm and the other is another and I used to put my arms around them. I realize still they had this insecurity of loosing me as a friend.

Hence I used to write it and I think this nature of mine make them take me for granted! Something that we all complain today about it isn’t it?

In all this we had another rival friend who always wanted to be the boss. I am pretty sure these things exist even today in school with kids. The names might have changed like a popular group and not so popular group.

Anyway when this ‘want-to-be’ popular person tried to influence my friends it didn’t work out in her favor and it so happened that she tried to play in a bad way – which we might call it as bad politics! See even kids know how to play politics and those who don’t will never learn anyway!

This friend – why I call her a friend is because she used to act as our friend and we trusted her. She tried to influence my friends and it so happened that they all came for my birthday celebration – wished me, brought presents, sang with me and had a ball of time. Everyone went home and around 10 p.m. we get a knock at our back door. When my mom opened the gate we see all of my friends along with this ‘want-to be’ popular friend and they started complaining about me to my mom.

Your daughter said this about her and that and what not and it came to a stage where my mom was getting so furious that she called me with anger and said, you call them your friends? Now on you are going to school only to study and no friendship. You don’t go to school to make friends. Hence forth you will not talk to any of them.
My mom told my friends that hence forth my daughter will not talk to you anymore. Please don’t make any friendship with her. If she is so bad then you shouldn’t be having such friend.

That night was a terrible night for me – the fun and excitement of my birthday ended as if a beautiful piece of glass vase was thrown down from top only to crush it into tiny pieces.
The night went in thinking as what made that my friends who were looking for me to be their best friend changed them so bad that they were complaining about me to my mom? and then my mom’s decision that was just thrown at me. No one asked for any explanation, nothing as if I don’t have a say!
I was very upset and waited till the night took me into the darkness till where I unknowingly went to sleep.

Next day when I woke up it was rough and sour – the feeling. I was kind of unhappy and was angry with everyone I suppose and hence I got ready for school. When my mom was about to leave for her office she came to me and said, ‘so you remember what I said yesterday? I don’t want you to be friends with such kids who come on your birthday and complain about you. You don’t need such people as your friends.’

I was like mom, now in school what will I do? When everyone is going to play I will have no one to play… !
My mom said, ‘you have only these friends as friends in school? You don’t have any other kids? and this made me think…and I just took my bag and walked out of my house to go to school.
I felt the way to school was longer today than the other days. I was feeling as if every one on the way, every shopkeeper from Gole Market and the people around there knew what happened yesterday night. I was some how looking down and walking towards school.

I reached my class and kept my school bag on the bench. My friends so called who just added cherry on my birthday cake last night were sitting and observing me as what will be my next move.

I am very scared of my mom’s anger and hence to follow her instruction is the only way and hence I went to other friends in my class and started talking to them. I went for my assembly with them. I didn’t look at anywhere else and made my self comfortable with my other friends. These friends were the nerdy ones who are very good in studies – very good in the sense they don’t come below 97%. Some may find that very good but I always felt education is not all about percentage. Probably I used to understand life’s core ethics from my dad’s heavy duty proverbs that we live for today and live it fully as we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

One thing I noticed that I started completing my homework in school during the free time as these kids were like that. When I used to go home, I used to walk home with these kids. Though life was a bit different but I didn’t mind the change. Some how my dad always taught me to adopt the life style of ‘when you are in Rome be like Romans’ !
“Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow” ~ Terri Guillemets

I didn’t even come to know how time flew away that it was the year end where I had participated in a fancy-dress competition and guess what none of my nerd friends were there in this.

It was awkward for me as I was dressed up as a native from State Kerala – which is in the southern part of India. I had worn the traditional sari and I had to say two sentences – ‘I am a lady from Kerala and I am proud about its culture.’
I had to say this in the native language of Kerala – i.e. Malayalam.

It will be funny to say that no one was with me yet I got first prize and it started raining like cats and dogs.
I was very happy. The day was done for all the students after the fancy dress competition and other cultural activities. My so called friends who spoiled my birthday didn’t participate in anything but I saw them coming behind me.

I was walking in the rain with my umbrella as that was part of my fancy dress, these friends behind me whispering – call her – you go – you talk to her.
I was still walking without letting them know that I know now the tables have turned.

I crossed the road and the school seemed to be going far and the Gole Market came near by, the smell of sweets like balusha, jalebi and ladoos from Karachi Sweet Mart.
Suddenly, the so called boss came in and said we all want to say, sorry to you’ and they gave me a greeting card which I still remember had a blue peacock and inside was – We are sorry, please forgive us. We will be friends forever.
I stopped and looked at all of them and smiled – it was a feeling where I had already forgiven them in my heart. Life is much more than this and I had these realization when I was ten and hence at that time I just smiled at them and said, I would like you to come and tell this in front of my mom so that if she allows me to be friends with you only then I will re-unite with you all.

We all walked together and reached home. We didn’t talk through out as we were walking in the puddle and splashing water. My off-white sari was getting spoiled yet the feeling of getting wet and playing in the rain is something you can only feel no one else!

Today mom had a weekly day off and hence when I knocked the door she opened it and excitingly she asked, how was your fancy dress competition?’ and believe me I was all excited to show her the trophy and certificate that I got. My mom gave me a big hug and that’s when she saw my these friends.
My mom gave a look at me as – what’s all this about now? and she asked them – did my daughter do another mistake this time?

And, I was like mom please, they want to be my friends again! and I showed the card that they gave me.

My mom invited them and we all had the sweet porridge that I love – it was a celebration.

All I can say is my mom was happy that I kept her word and everything turned out to be as she expected. But my question was, what made to happen all this?

The so called boss was way elder to us and it was her mind that created all the differences among us. I maintained my friendship with all nerds and these ones and never showed any difference but my friends came to know what one should believe in and what one shouldn’t.

Kids learn from their mistakes but elders not necessarily!

“I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring” ~ Liz Armbruster

Dad, you’re someone to look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown

On this day, I want to wish every father a Happy Father’s Day!

These days, due to lot of lack of time, space, work, personal issues, ego and what not…we tend to move away from the concept of unity, family and togetherness.
Everything is a race! People either live in the family saying they are there for kids sake or they get separated and come together on certain occasions only to make kids happy!
But I have only one question, ever the kids are asked what they want? Ever those kids are given the freedom as what they want to do? I am not saying giving freedom in other ways…but only to spend their time with whom they want to!
Father or mother, they have ego the moment they see their kids love the other parent than them…I say why?

There are parents who have separated and the mother will not allow the father access to meet his child, OR the family lives together yet the mother will control the kids as whom they should love more?
I am thinking where are we heading to?

“The greatest gift I ever had, Came from God; I call him Dad!”

I always love my dad 1% more than my mom…not because I don’t like her…I love her..she has taught me some of the things which probably I wouldn’t have ever experienced in my life time.
But my dad, I admire him so much due to all the challenges that he has taken in his life…the decisions that he has taken for his wife and kids, the social elements, the courage to stick to justice and shout against injustice and cruelty – all this make him an idol for me.

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters” ~ George Herbert

My mom often used to say – oh! you love your dad more than me! ‘
and I would say, mom! you know that I love you but Dad, is also so nice…! So many times I repeat all these elements to my mom as how he loved her, proposed her, married her and then all his deeds followed for her happiness and she will feel proud about her husband…!
That is what I miss in today’s family and relationship.
I would like to wish those father’s a very happy father’s day – who have kids yet they are not able to meet them due to legal issues or others, or who live with their kids yet they see how their kids are not able to express the love because if mom will see that she will feel bad!

It’s tough to live like that and I salute those father’s who live with that love in their heart!

“It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons” ~ Johann Schiller

“Moving fast is not the same as going somewhere.”

Friends, it's been a while since I am planning to move to wordpress and time didn't permit or something or the other came up all the time.

This weekend I could do some moving with my friends help and so please welcome to my new home at http://fizadawn.com .... :)

I will look forward to see you there

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls” ~ Khalil Jibran

"Love all, trust a few"

John had the perfect opportunity to express his feelings and he did. James decided to fly to India and meet John in person.
Both were very happy – when they met they felt they are made for each other.
John took James to most of the places and showed around and this gave them a good chance to know each other well.
James after spending one month in India with John had to leave for US. He told John to think about the relationship seriously and things should work out well in life.

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.” ~ Alfred Adler

John was very happy though he was sad that James is leaving but looking at the positive aspect John felt relaxed and peace at heart.
I think it was then when, in US the gay-marriage bill got passed and everyone was getting married left and right :), when James insisted John to fly to US.
John was not able to do so and a time came where James gave an ultimatum to his partner that if he doesn’t make up his mind in 2 weeks he is going to split ways with him.
John tried to explain him on what basis he can come there and other hurdles that he has but all in vain. James moved on with his life and John again lonely and sad!

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.” ~ Frank Crane

John was not sure if this is how his life going to be? Is he ever going to find a partner with whom he can share his life and live ever after? But as nature teaches all, he also consoled himself about the reality and tried to look happiness in taking care of his parents and meeting his elder brother and family.
Life moved on, John started spending most of his time in making paintings and sketches. He was indeed very good at it. Friends started asking him to make their portrait and so forth.
One day John met a guy called Naresh, who seemed to be a very nice guy. John always have this fear that he doesn’t want to fall for anything and so he was more concentrated at his work and paintings. One day Naresh told him that he is a gay. John was surprised but was happy too. John and Naresh they had mutual feelings for each other and hence they started dating each other.

John wanted to know if Naresh has said this to his family. Naresh had only disclosed this to John and no one else. Naresh used to send thousands of sms to John and he used to make so many calls to John when they are not together.
One day Naresh called John to his home as his car was in the garage and he needed the lift to work. John went to his house when he saw a girl in who opened the door at the knock. Naresh immediately came out and said let’s go!

“What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.” ~ Baruch Spinoza

The girl was bothering John very much and so John asked Naresh – ‘Naresh, who is that girl in your house who just opened the door?’

Naresh said – ‘oh! I forgot to tell you I live with my cousin sister.’
John asked – ‘does she know about you that you are a gay?’
Naresh - ‘hey! No way!! If I tell her she will tell to everyone in the family and my parents will kill me’.

“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” ~Charlotte Bronte

John was a bit baffled at this. But he was okay when he thought about the difficulties one has to face.
Time was flying, John was very happy with this relationship as he felt he got someone who is in the city and he has no pressure to leave the country.

One day John thought why not Naresh and I move in to one apartment so that he doesn’t have to go all the way to Naresh’s house to pick him up for work. John thought he will discuss this with Naresh in the evening and he started getting ready for work.

John’s cell phone used to buzz all the time as Naresh used to send him thousands of sms and John used to feel very secure and protective in the company of Naresh.
It was evening when Naresh and John decided to have a coffee and they were talking about the nice coffee, the weather and above all about each other, when John said – ‘I have an idea…if you’re okay with it?’ and he paused to get the yes response from Naresh.
Naresh said – ‘Yes, go ahead. What is it?

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson

John said, I was thinking why don’t you move into my apartment that way I don’t have to come to your house all the time and your cousin sister will wonder always who I am! And more over we will have more time for each other.’

Naresh at this a bit hesitated but he recovered quickly and said let me think over.
Next day Naresh called John and said he has some work so he is not going to work. This gave the indication that John need not go to pick up Naresh. John said- ‘no worries! I will come and see you in the evening, to this Naresh responded no I will be out of town and I will call you once I am back.

This sudden change and plans made John a bit doubtful. He asked Naresh what it is. Naresh kept on saying some family matter has come up and he has to visit his parents.
John thought there might be something important and he said- ‘you know my number so if anything you need do call me.’

Naresh assured John that he will be back in couple of weeks and need not be worried and he went to his home town.

“Life is a quest and love a quarrel ...” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law"

When John was a kid he used to be very playful all the time. I remember his elder brother or his dad if they see him playing they used to ask him – ‘Don’t you have anything to study? Go and study!’ and John used to shy away thinking its better to get out of this place before getting embarrassed more in front of the neighboring kids.

He was very friendly with girls and his plays used to be some what girly too but no one noticed until John grew up to figure out that he likes girls but he is not attracted towards them.
Let me tell you John is very talented in what he does and that is painting. I often felt that being the young boy no one took him very seriously. Everyone treated him like a kid – I wish I was there for him when he needed a friend instead of any elderly person.

John realized that marriage and girls are not for him. He accepted this fact and tried to share with his friends who can understand but with others he couldn’t and hence he always kept quite.

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.” ~Tennessee Williams

Living in a society where being gay is not only a shameful thing but a crime too – what one can expect? John, many times had to face people who are of his fathers or mothers age, asking him – ‘John do you have any girlfriend?’ and John used to say ‘No!’

And this answer used to lead them to ask then why don’t you get married? Haha imagine a guy who doesn’t have a girl friend isn’t that sufficient to let them know that he may not be interested or may be he hasn’t found one yet…but Marriage??? Boy that’s a big thing!!!
He always used to shy away by saying – no! Haven’t found one that I like!!! Or have fallen for :)

Mean while John travelled to different places for work related affairs and ended up in Mumbai training people for different Call Center jobs and during such time John met someone online whom he started liking, Someone who also understood his feelings and shared his happiness with John. It was like a dream come true for John as he never thought he would find someone with whom he can share his feelings, his happiness and living so far. His name is James.

James lives in US and he works in fashion designing and is very creative and successful with his work. By chatting online for long hours and with day and night phone calls, it was very obvious cupid has stuck them.

Love was growing from a seed to a small plant. As much John was eager to meet so was James too. James with his busy schedule often used to ask – John! Dear why don’t you come to US and then we can live happily here and you don’t have to work so hard also as I earn good to take care of things.

John always try his best to explain as how difficult it is to get a US visa and even if he has to make a tourist visit, it’s not that easy as people from US try to fly to India.

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. “ ~Benjamin Disraeli

It was tough for James to understand as he never went to India and he has no idea about the outside world than US.

John in return always wanted to tell James to come to India but he always hesitated either with the fear that James will say that he is busy or straight refuse to him.
Today when James called John – John decided to tell what’s in his heart. After all the sweet talk on the phone, James felt his friend seems to be a bit gloomy and he said, ‘John what’s it that’s bothering you? Tell me and if you don’t then I will come there by myself and find out :)
This was the moment that John was looking for!!!!

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.” ~ Ann Landers

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible"

Today is the beginning of a new era, new hope, and new expectations and over all a lot of speculations. I am sure the World witnessed it and everyone is hopeful.

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I look at it, I feel the emotions of the people who remembered their forefathers who suffered in many ways. Imagine, where one’s hand is not even shaken, one cannot even go and study in the same school where a white man studies and so many such stories – there today, a colored person is taking oath as a President of that Country – words are few to express the moments but those who have lived the past moments of differences and have grown old to see today can only express through their emotions!

“The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” ~ Allan K Chalmers

I remember as a kid when I was taught how our great grand parents and leaders of those times who fought to bring independence to the country – they gave their life so that we can live a better life – that’s the exact words I heard from the President Barack Hussein Obama and I didn’t feel anything different but the feeling is same and respect is same towards those who sacrificed their lives.

I congratulate America, President Barack H Obama and Vice President Joe Biden for today January 20th

“We have a problem. 'Congratulations.' But it's a tough problem. 'Then double congratulations'” ~ W Clement Stone