Recently came across a note by friends in social media saying,
women who don’t change their last name after marriage – is a sign of women
empowerment.
I see women having their own opinion on that note and I feel that itself
is a great achievement that they made a choice, they have an opinion – some did change because
they like it that way for what so ever reason – may be the culture they grew up
with, or be part of their husband’s family and the belonging aspect of it etc. But
having changed the last name or not, the truth is does that makes anyone
liberated? I mean I have seen women without changing their last name after
marriage and yet have not empowered to make any family decisions or even make a
decision for themselves when it comes to career or any other choices.
“Some guys will want to change everything about
you. But the right guy will not want to change one thing your last name.”
Are we dwelling on the right thing when we say ‘women
empowerment’? I am not sure but for these name change and not change things and the identity through those actions...
because I feel irrespective of what your name is – whether the name and surname
is from your maiden family? Or your name is given by your parents and surname
is from your husband’s family? Or your first name and last name is given to you
by your husband’s family during the marriage as part of the tradition?
“He stole my heart and I am planning for
revenge. I am going to steal his last name!”
In my opinion nothing gives you an identity
other than what you do and establish yourself as with your thoughts and
actions. Believe it or not, I often say to friends when they ask me if I am
Usha, Dawn, Fiza and my response to them is – what’s in the name?
“We cannot despair of humanity, since we
ourselves are human beings.”
Yes, what is in the name? I feel specially with
the Indian culture and tradition when you see a name your mind opens into – the
person is from which religion, caste, language, state and what not. Is this is
what you’re defining as your identity? Then hell no!!! I don’t need such
identity because I want to be known as a human first and not tied to any
religion, caste, state, language or anything such things that divides the human
race. I am sure if we were named as numbers because names cause these kinds of
issues, still we would come up with who’s the top most and who’s not and would
start discriminating based on that.
I have been treated so well the moment people
came to know which place I come from and the state, some have treated me so
well when they came to know I am Fiza, I got many friend requests and
appreciations from Muslim friends, similarly many have asked me if I have
married a white guy since I have my name as Usha Dawn – I mean c’mon!!! And to
another extent the Dawn is referred as Dhawan and some south Indians they call
me north Indian very proudly… I feel sorry for them!
If people cannot connect with you or your
identity without your last name, then it’s better not to connect because it
will be a rough pathway.
“Humanity should be our race. Love should be our
religion.”
Let’s be human first because that’s what we
became as part of evolution and we have not been successful in doing a good job
on that itself and we created so many barriers for ourselves in the name of
caste, creed, culture, religion and what not!!!
“Find the sweetness in your own heart, then you
may find the sweetness in every heart” ~ Rumi
~ Dawn
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