An opportunity to learn...

Many times we learn things

And assume that we know a lot,

At least we think we understand,

But many times that’s not true,

In this journey of mine in Canada 

I got opportunity to learn about

And understand about many things

Like about lesbians,

That they can be everywhere

But I never heard of any of this,

Not even a word in my country,

One thing I understood that.

We all are human and still

We don’t have to think alike,

We don’t have to be same,

But we still have to coexist,

Felt good that people are open

They at least openly talk about it

Good or bad but at least they talk,

If you hide and suppress things,

Nothing is going to change,

Everywhere and every person,

Can only progress if they ask questions,

Or at least by raising their voice,

Which is important too,

Or else its like powerlessness

Like a frog that hasn’t seen the world

Living in the well!

~ Dawn

New views of new world...

The bank account was opened and active,

So I handed the rent cheque to Pastor

As soon he took the cheque he said 

This is the glory of Jesus, praise the lord !

After that he called me for a prayer,

Entire family was there for the prayer,

After the prayer Pastor called me on the side,

Said, I will be leaving for India in couple of days,

Promise me that you won’t go to other Pastor,

The other Pastor may call and I don’t want you to go,

I was shocked and upset too that this is still a topic ?

Well, I asked what happened Pastor why now?

He said, my wife is a patient and I don’t want,

Her to suffer with any such shocks and if you want to go 

Then you must go now while I am here and not later,

I had no such intentions about leaving this place,

And I had given my word for that matter to him,

Then why this questions?

Pastor asked me to promise him before he leaves for his trip,

I assured him and gave my best wishes for happy journey,

After that Pastor left for India very happily,

On this end life was no different that the usual,

That’s when the other Pastor called me on phone,

It was framed as if I asked for this call,

Pastor’s wife gave the phone to me saying did you asked him to call?

I was upset that I am like a football in between these Pastors,

And I said I don’t want to talk to anyone,

Pastor’s wife said, talk otherwise he will think I restricted you.

Poor me, what can I do in all this but just do what is said?

Picked the receiver a very pleasant invitation came from that end,

Looking at the overall situation, I decided to say No!

And I did in such a way that even Pastor’s wife could hear,

Pastor’s wife was happy as she expressed her affection to me,

Time was just passing and often Tom when he comes to the kitchen,

His Mom would scold him and send him back to his room.

Pastor’s daughter became a good friend there,

She used to share her singing hobby, her likes and dislikes,

All this and more she would share with me and I felt we are all same,

During this time Pastor’s daughter asked me for a help,

She said we look more or less same,

Why don’t you take my ID and give my math exam,

Teaching math that too without any fee is fine,

But this seems like a plan to send me to jail?

I had to tell her nicely that I worked hard in life,

And I came here too on my merits not to go to jail,

If you study well you will be able to write it and all will be fine,

She was a thirteen year old teen but was like a friend,

Seeing me in deep thoughts and sad, she asked me one day,

Will you come with me to a place I want to show you something,

I asked what about your Mom, will she agree?

Daughter said, she won’t be there as she has work that day,

We both will go but don’t tell this to anyone,

That afternoon me and Pastor’s daughter went on a trip,

First on TTC bus, then subway and then streetcar 

While traveling on these she says did you see her?

Out of curious I said who?

The lesbian who was sitting next to you,

Lesbian? How would I know that?

I have not seen anyone like that!

~ Dawn

The game of Money $$

In all this a month was over,

Jesus's glory, my work and the chores,

All this engaged me but still life was sad

The Pastor who used to talk to me nicely

Started being a bit serious and angry at times,

His wife was too sweet and loving through out,

She requested to teach Math to their daughter,

Often Mother-Daughter used to have arguments,

Sometimes I would tell the Daughter not to back answer Mom,

Sometimes I would tell the Mother not to raise hand on kids,

Because they call the cops in this country,

Why will they not when the mother hitting with a hot spatula,

Somehow I would stop their arguments but my tuition time got long,

Whenever the translation comes or tuition one should think of Jesus,

But by the time month end came the rent request came in,

Meanwhile, I got my first salary ,

$275 was the salary for the month and $250 was rent,

The remaining was used for the TTC token for transit,

In between company asked to open an account at the bank,

As they don't want to spend on the cheque,

Someone suggested TD Bank is good should open account there,

I decided to open an account at TD an Indian lady Advani she helped,

After few exchange of greetings, she fulfilled the formalities of account opening,

She mentioned there will be $5 service fee for the account,

In India I never paid any fee to keep my money in their account,

I asked what kind of fee? To keep my money in your account why should I pay?

Mrs Advani said actually bank is taking care of your money and the transactions,

At that time it seemed very painful affair, first of all less money and fee to keep it?

New place new traditions, I started learning from here!

~ Dawn

In the path of Jesus..

Tom came to pick me up that night,

If you ask me about Tom, don't know what to say 

I never had a chance to talk to him,

Whenever I am in the kitchen, he would come and ask

Are you married? I don't think so, they all lie about you,

Actually, I never had to answer his this question,

Because Pastor's wife would come by then,

And with anger will tell Tom to go to his room,

Then she would tell me kids in this country have too much freedom,

I would laugh at this and get busy with my work,

Today was the first time we both were in the car alone,

I was surprised and wondered too seeing him alone,

As soon I got in, I thanked him for picking me,

And he very nicely advised me this late at this place,

Its not safe, so you should be careful in future,

We were quiet entire journey and we reached at mid-night,

Pastor's wife was upset as she didn't like this late coming home,

It's not good to come home late but it was my job what can I do,

Pastor and his wife had different thoughts,

Pastor think this kind of job is not needed, as Jesus will take care

Pastor's wife think job is important but...!

In India women are not allowed to work late as per the law,

Here it seems everyone is equal from that perspective,

During this time Pastor took me to another Indian lady's house,

Here the lady converted from Hinduism to Pentecostal Christianity,

But her husband wanted to practice Hinduism at home,

I was introduced to her and told how she got converted,

And came to the noble path of Jesus and now she is happy,

She was expressing sadness for about her husband,

Because he still worships idols in the house and I was listening,

After the evening tea and snacks we left for home,

On the way Pastor started preaching and said,

You don't have to do anything just agree and,

I will help you with baptizing and you don't have to do anything,

In the path of Jesus as soon you step in you will find glory,

Respecting his age and being my landlord, politely I smiled,

I said, sure we will do and let's see if Jesus pays me salary,

Because you don't waive the rent, and the salary that I get from the job,

At least don't stop me from being loyal to my job,

I am able to pay your rent because of this job so at least that's good,

Pastor didn't feel that good, seems he is thinking of another way now!

~ Dawn

That night when I was lost...!

Every morning I used to translate songs,

Jesus is great and his service will bring glory,

There were times when Pastor's wife used to,

Make me cut the vegetables, grate coconut and 

Put them in ziplock bag and store it for later use,

Once it was okay but it became a routine,

I had been paying the rent and so why I have to do this?

Once I went to Yamuna's place of work in KFC,

She was busy and handling customers in between she would talk,

It was a plan to make Yamuna move from there,

They raised her rent so she would go somewhere else,

I felt that was very mean to trouble someone like that,

I shared my side of the story and Yamuna said you shouldn't be doing it

I basically didn't know how to say NO!

I used to apply for jobs by sending my resume in mail,

And some I would attend the interview too,

But I was overqualified everywhere,

Weekends were very busy and I used to reach home late,

Downtown and home distance were in two ends,

One night I missed my stop and got down at a lonely place,

One funny thing is that developed country has no street lights,

This was something very weird for me as in India we have,

Villages I can say there isn't but now probably that's also covered,

In the dark unable to read the street names, I ended up at dead end,

I quickly looked around and saw a thrift store,

Quickly ran there and asked if I can make a phone call,

There was a public phone but I had no quarter,

There was a guy who was coming out of the store,

I requested if I can have a change for two dollars,

He looked at me as if I am weird and gave me a quarter and walked away,

I thanked him and quickly dialed Pastor's landline,

Pastor's wife picked up the call and I said, Aunty I am lost,

She asked me what intersection I am at?

I looked around and gave the name of the intersection,

She said wait there we will come and pick you up,

I was scared, I was tired, I was worried of the consequences,

When I saw, Tom with his car!!!!

~ Dawn

Life without Yamuna...!

It was a sad evening altogether,

As I came to know that night,

Yamuna moved out of that place,

She was an assurance for my happiness,

I had a friend in her and it always helped,

One thing I realized, no matter what happens,

In life if you have a good friend, rest will fall in place,

Next day I went to work and called Yamuna from there,

I wanted to ask her to come back but I had no right to do so,

I spoke to her and like a big sister she advised me not to fall for 

Pastor will try his best to preach and convert,

But focus on your job as you need to pay bills,

After my orientation I was free entire weekdays,

My weekends were busy as I was getting trained,

There was a Canadian Chinese girl who was the head cashier,

She trained me during weekdays, until her shift ends,

Later I came to know she was from Calcutta, India,

Weekdays the public transportation has an early morning schedule,

Weekends it was a different story there,

Life was a bit depressing for me without Yamuna,

Jesus should bring happiness and liveliness but sadly not!

I used to lock myself in my room and write my diary,

Sometimes I used to write six pages letter to family,

But would tear it off after completion as I didn't want it to go,

Letting your family about your problems is not nice,

Because it will make them sad and sitting that far they will worry!

So what you do? Live in your own misery !

~Dawn

Life in a Metro :)

Life in Toronto was very adventurous for me,

When you're new and unsure you're scared too,

I was cautious more and often think of worse, 

That night when I was leaving from King Street,

It was a new route and new timing for me,

To be true, I was scared and cautious,

When you're cautious, you will suspect everyone,

I got into the streetcar, it was empty,

Have you ever felt fear out of emptiness?

There was this streetcar driver, another homeless guy 

and me!

He had peed in his pants and was staring at me,

You can imagine how I would have been?

It was like this every day for me,

New place, new day, new experience,

An experience that I never had in my country,

I grew up with a teaching that suspect every damn thing,

Life is always unfair and so I always thought of worse,

That always taught me to look for a solution,

It always worked for me at all times luckily!

Every night when I get down from the bus,

I would look both sides and start running,

It would be dark and quiet too,

If you think of it, it used to be a stressful night,

Reaching home stressed, I get to hear about Paul Bernardo,

It's not easy to be a woman and be alone,

Yet, I decided to protect myself from all odds,

I remember since the day I heard Paul Bernado's story,

I started playing a trick every night until I reach home,

The moment I see a car coming, would walk, run to home,

I would walk into the nearest house as if that's my home,

The moment cars pass, I would start running towards my home,

The only way to safe myself was to play tricks with others!

~ Dawn

That night turned into a terrible one..!

My first day of orientation in a new country,

I was excited and eager too,

Every corporation has it's image 

Orientation is a good way to get introduced,

Like any other orientation this one was also too,

It raises your hope as how you see a company,

How you want to grow in that company and so on,

I am sure we all see this dream on our first day,

Even I did too!

That evening was with Maharashtrian lady,

She lived in the heart of downtown King's street,

Based on the address I reached there,

Knocked the door and saw the lady,

She had a nine year old daughter,

It was a nice evening that I spent,

I was thankful too for a beautiful evening,

That night the lady kept me long there,

I was late to reach home, it was dead dark night,

I was scared even though I shouldn't be,

I had the key so I opened the door to get in,

Pastor's wife was up and she asked me,

Where were you? Aren't you scared of travel like this?

I think I should tell you that this Toronto,

A place where Paul Bernardo lived,

That night turned into a terrible one,

I came to my bed and shut the door,

Jesus was staring at me and I was at him!

~ Dawn

An invitation to her home...

Next day was my orientation at Movenpick 

I was called for a discussion with Pastor,

I was told my room will be shifted soon,

From basement to top floor of the house,

I thought that's a promotion and got excited,

Until I came to know that Yamuna is moving,

It was too much to handle in one day,

Excitement of a new job that will pay minimum,

But then I will not see Yamuna now on,

I was not sure but inside I was not feeling happy,

It was like a feeling that your stomach is upset,

And, you don't know whether you will throw up or..

You know what I meant... it was terrible feeling,

That same night I was moved upstairs in a smaller room,

I had a bed, a table and chair, a closet where Jesus was staring at me

I know all this was a deliberate plan on me,

I cannot see or talk with Yamuna when she comes back from work,

I will get fed-up of Jesus's stare and then may just fall in love with him?

It was a good mental torture to begin with,

Next morning I got ready and was about to leave the house,

Pastor called out, where am I going? I should know that I am new here,

I told him about my job, and he said I should not worry about it,

God will take care of it and I immediately asked,

Will God pay the rent on my behalf? and he laughed!

I said I need to pay you rent for that I need to work,

In between whatever time I have I will do the translation,

He was okay with that kind of adjustments and I left,

Went to the Richtree Inc. headquarters in Toronto city,

There was a receptionist, who was Indian too,

I was waiting for my time to get in for orientation,

When the Indian lady asked me, if I am from Maharashtra, am I a Marathi?

Usually, I would respond as no, but I said yes, I am from Pune,

She got excited and said I am from Bombay, do you speak Marathi?

I was good at it and so responded back and then next was an invitation to her home.

~ Dawn

A phone call from Movenpick...!

Next day everything was same,

As usual the routine, breakfast, cleanup,

Then go to living room for prayer,

I was advised to be in God's path,

Not to mingle with Yamuna much,

I was feeling awkward, felt in cage,

When I got a phone call from Movenpick,

I had given Pastor's landline number,

They wanted to meet me that afternoon,

I was in haggle as I needed to rush,

That's when Pastor felt this is not good,

I got ready and took the bus to Finch 

Finch to Dundas and to Eaton Center,

Reached on time  though I was not sure,

The Manager greeted me and shook hands,

Took me at the back of the restaurant,

On the staircase I sat and so did she,

As usual interview questions were asked,

I answered them all professionally,

Did my best to bag this job of Cashier,

I got an hourly job at minimum wage,

Weekdays I may not have any work,

Weekends I will have to come and attend,

I was sad for what I got after this struggle,

But I was hopeful for weekdays another job,

Next day onwards it was orientation time,

That night I waited for Yamuna late,

Yamuna looked tired from work,

But first thing she asked about any calls?

I said yes and guess from where?

She was excited for me and my decision 

On giving the resume at Movenpick,

Then,

Before I say, Yamuna asked me..

So what did they say? Not to talk to me?

I was surprised and said how do you know?

Yamuna said, they tried with me too,

I am catholic and I enjoy my life,

Whenever Pastor preaches me,

I show him all the party pictures of me,

At that point his wife comes and takes him away,

They think I am in bad path, not in their God's path,

Anyway, I shared what happened with me,

I was not aware of its seriousness,

Until, Yamuna started sharing her contacts,

I was not sure of what is happening...

But I had a phone diary from India,

I used to note every contact information,

You never know which one will come to rescue!

~ Dawn

Who am I for her?

It was an early day for me,

As per the plan I got ready,

Carried the left over resume,

Yamuna was all set to go,

She made sure we don't make noise,

Slowly before anyone wakes up,

We left the house that early,

This was my first day out,

Even though I was with Yamuna,

I felt like a free bird for sometime,

Showed me Home to TTC bus stand,

She gave me the $2 token for bus-fare,

You use one token as far as you can go one way

When you return you use another token,

As long as you are in the lane of the TTC track,

You don't use any token that long,

This was a cool trip for me,

I enjoyed the TTC bus-ride looking out,

Then we reached Finch station and got down,

From there took the sub-way underground,

Which brought us to Dundas street in downtown,

We had so much giggles and laugh in all this,

Through out it was Pastor and his jokes,

We walked from Dundas street to Eaton Center,

The huge mall multiple storied architected well,

I had never seen this beautiful building,

As we went in the mall looking around,

Yamuna asked if I have my resume,

I had two copies she said that's not enough,

Went to the xerox store and took 30 copies,

I was in tears for Yamuna didn't hesitate to spend money,

Who am I for her? In just few days of friendship?

She gave 15 to me and kept 15 for herself,

Said keep giving in every shop, store, restaurant,

You will get a job somewhere here,

We both started from one end to the other,

Leaving resumes after asking 'are you hiring?'

'Please consider my resume as I am looking for a job!'

After all that we both got tired and hungry,

Decided to eat here at Movenpick restaurant,

She got pasta I got bami goreng then she paid,

As we were busy eating, a thought cropped up in mind,

Looked at this restaurant felt pretty cool,

Yamuna, how about giving a resume here too..!?!

She said, you think so? Okay go ahead!

I went to the cashier who was managing the customers,

While managing the customers - how can I help you?

I am looking for a job, are you guys hiring?

Yes, we need a cashier. Have you worked as a cashier?

Well, I am new but will learn can I submit my resume?

Sure, I will let my manager know about you,

If you're new then how do you speak English?

I said, I studied in School in India ..and we smiled!

That day was an amazing experience for me,

Spending time with Yamuna going around places,

It was a good day until we reached home,

Yamuna had no one to answer, she was free,

But I had to answer where was I whole day?

I shouldn't be going out like this with Yamuna,

Because she has a different way,

I kept wondering why I have to answer everyone?

Am I also not trying to pay rent and stay?

~ Dawn

Let's get out of this house...!

It was an exhaustive day - Sunday,

I was tired of the entire drama,

And after the dinner and dishes,

It was time to call for the day,

Late night Yamuna came in,

Whispered to check if am awake,

I was excited to see her after so long,

I got up and she said lets be quiet,

Since we lived in the basement,

One could hear everything upstairs,

Yamuna's weekend was Monday,

She said lets get out of this house,

So we could talk and enjoy friendship,

If you stay here with Pastor,

You will go mad and there will be no job,

It made sense and I agreed too,

While going to bed she said make sure,

You carry your resume along,

We have to sneak-out before they wake up,

I will show you Toronto tomorrow,

We will go to Eaton Center and

Will have fun there too!

~ Dawn

An emotional blackmail

At the church I met many people,

Since Pastor called my name on stage,

Everyone was curious to hear my story,

I had my resumes with me in the bag,

I would hand-in to those who said hello !

And I would tell please share my resume at work,

May be there will be some job that may fit,

I met a new Pastor who was happy to introduce,

Met his wife who was a nurse too with a kid,

He was nice and kind until I figured out his aim,

He wanted me to join him and leave Pastor's home,

He would not take rent from me and I can live for free,

This alarmed me the moment I heard its free!

In school I had heard, 'there are no free lunches',

And I thanked him and his wife for being nice,

I asked if you can please find me a job, here's my resume!

Aunty saw me talking to new Pastor and got furious at me,

Everyone was quiet as we got in to the car.

Suddenly Aunty asked, what was he talking to you?

I know he is jealous when God is kind on us.

Without any edits I shared with them what he said,

Aunty was upset that he is stealing me from them,

Pastor got serious as his wife was upset,

We reached home and sat for lunch,

At the dining table when kids were gone,

Pastor asked me, if I have any plans,

Like a proud woman I said its my word to you,

I will not leave this house and will pay rent to you,

He reminded me of his wife being not well with health,

If I leave suddenly she might fall sick,

I felt like an emotional blackmail,

But I was not ready to be a bait for another Pastor,

I agreed to stay there and look for job,

Pastor was heading to India so he gave me a task,

Translate my poetry to other languages,

This is the God's path as he has a purpose!

~ Dawn

Happy Birthday Rhea... !

Never had a moment where I felt lonely,

Nor I missed not having a sister,

As my daughter been there always with me,

Like two sides of a road we walked together,

Like friends, been in all ups and downs of life,

But always giggling, laughing and playfully being,

This is life for us and how time went by no clue,

Every year this day, I think of the day she was born,

Every year it feels like new and rejuvenating,

Didn't realize how time went by so fast,

Wonder ever, where do all these happiness reside?

It blooms in our daughters all around,

I know birthdays will be celebrated every year,

But I will remember the first one dearly in my heart,

For that day you made me realize the importance of a Mom!

Many Happy Returns of the Day Rhea !

Your Mom!

~ Dawn

The expectation of Pastor was not met..!

I prepared the resume but had to be printed,

Realized the resumes are different there and here,

India will ask you to put your personal life story,

Whereas Canada had some privacy and decency too,

Printed ten copies without letting Pastor know about it,

He was worried about the ink and probably about me,

Day went in translation and some Jesus stories,

I went to bed that night early as I was still jet lagged,

Yamuna was a name to me as she was busy at work,

I often wondered how can you devote yourself to work,

Don't you want a life, a partner and fun time to live?

Next morning, as instructed I got ready and went to church,

Like an obedient went with Aunty and sat next to her,

We hanged our coats and sat on our bench with Bible,

I was like a specimen where every eyeball was staring at me,

Daughter and Son came together but were detached from this,

Praise the lord, Father welcomed everyone in the church,

Looking around saying hello! to every eye-contact that I made,

It was funny and surprising how selling skill works in every field,

Pastor was on stage preaching When he welcomed me with my name,

When I see a mic passed to me, asking tell how you are desperate to convert..!

I was shocked but you got to be up to your game no matter what!

Took the mic and thanked Pastor for telling me why Jesus sacrificed his life ...

I thanked everyone and praised Pastor for his good deeds and gave the mic back,

The expectation of Pastor was not met..

But I met another Pastor who saw an opportunity in me!!!!

~ Dawn

When I saw a computer

It was Saturday and Yamuna worked all day.

I was so eager to spend time with her,

Thinking it must be a weekend,

But some jobs have no weekend,

Its more hours and many more hours,

When your job is paid by hour,

I had no choice but to spend time in Bible,

Breakfast was done and I did the dishes too,

That's the norm I am taught to help others,

Pastor and his wife sat to chat with me,

Doing god's job will help in bringing luck,

He asked me to translate his songs,

Since I said I know more than one language,

It seemed like a work to me so,

I asked if I will get paid for,

Immediate reaction was praise the lord,

You never ask for money it's God's job,

To get to their better side I agreed,

Tried couple of lines in Hindi,

That's when I saw a computer,

Quickly checked if I may use it,

Since I was good he also agreed,

Speedily typed my resume, nice and neat,

By then it was lunch, time to eat,

I used to call his wife Aunty,

She talked not so great about her kids,

Since Canada gives too much freedom to kids,

I figured out she was not so happy,

A hardworking nurse for 25 years,

Struggling with diabetes, blood pressure,

Yet never skipped a day to work,

She gained my respect for life,

But she used me to do all chores,

Cut the vegetables, grate the coconut,

Clean the dishes and give company in all,

It felt like never ending saga of chores!

~ Dawn

If I submit to the power, will he give me a job?

Praise the lord, Hallelujah! 

It was Bible lesson time for me,

I didn't have a choice at this point,

Pastor's mercy and his kindness,

More over my respect for his age,

I sat in the room with folded hands,

He said surrender and self-sacrifice,

Remembered John 4:34 from the Bible,

That I used to read to my neighbor,

The old and the New Testament then,

And now, is this a revision of the same?

It means to relinquish possession to another,

Even if I submit to the power, will he give me a job?

I was desperate for a job as I had bills to pay,

As Pastor started explaining, I started dozing,

From far his wife noticed and advised to let go!

Let her go today as she is still jet lagged,

Try it tomorrow it will work for better,

I felt that was a Godly voice that rescued but,

What did she say? it will work tomorrow?

These questions lingered in that sleepy moment,

But the mass was dispersed with one last prayer!

Praise the lord, Hallelujah !

~ Dawn

I was surprised and shocked too...!

Yamuna was in hurry to go,

But she offered me lunch though,

Home made beef curry and bread,

Was my first home cooked meal,

Since I had last at home in India.

It was time to sleep in my bed,

Yamuna whispered to meet on return,

I was freezing but I was happy,

With full stomach I went to sleep,

It was time when my eyes opened,

With someone whispering my name,

I quickly remembered Yamuna,

Opened the door of my room for her,

She was nice, polite and caring,

When she was assured I slept well,

We introduced and hugged each other,

Yamuna has a beautiful smile,

She is a cashier at Kentucky Fries,

Got different shifts mostly late night,

I am still figuring out things here.

Listened to her story and some advise,

It was dawn, when we said goodnight!

The real dawn kicked-in when Pastor came,

It was breakfast time with some rules,

I can eat their for free and pay the rent,

But distancing with Yamuna will benefit,

I was surprised and shocked too,

I figured even though for me Jesus is one,

It was for them Pentecostal and Catholic 

I ignored it for now when Pastor said,

Sunday we all will go to Church, you too

But let me tell you why Jesus sacrificed his life!!

~ Dawn