Saturday, May 13, 2017

A mother is always the beginning. She is how things begin..!

We all take our parents for granted, mostly our mom!
I remember I used to try my best to impress my mom. I used to do things that I was sure will bring smile on her face. Those days there was no Mother's day in India and impressing mom or to do something for mom or dad was not restricted to any day or time of the year.

I remember I used to clean and keep the house tidy because my mom loved that. Another thing I used to do was to cook some snacks by the time she comes home from her work, I used to look at the recipe in the Women's Era magazine and for the evening snack time when my parents come home from work I used to serve tea and snacks.

The happiness on my mom-dad's face was priceless, even today I remember that moment when mom used to say good girl, did you made all that? And, I can't even express my happiness at that moment because to make mom give that kind of a compliment was very tough.

My mom always supported what I did but it was always to push towards next level and hence for many things she would not praise or say good job, instead she would say yes next time do it better. 

It's true when our parents say that, "you will realize what it means to be a parent when you will become one". Many times we take it for granted and when our time comes we realize their hardship and love that nurtured us to stand strong and move ahead in life.

Today, whatever I am I give that credit to my mom and Dad. But without mom's teaching, I would have never understood what it means to be financially independent, what it means to do things that you like, what it means to be open and what does it mean when we say narrow mindedness. There's lot my mom has taught which has become an habit without even realizing that it was part of me that was growing within me, whether it's about hygiene, taking care of others, being a girl what to do and at the same time she let me do what I like to do. That slight freedom made me feel like heaven. And that was part of her way of teaching me about life.

I remember when I was a hockey player in school, my mom used to encourage me and she would shop for my sports outfit. I used to wear shorts and I remember it was after my High School time when my brother was advising me that I should cover my legs because I am a big girl now and same day my mom buying shorts for me..it was hilarious!
That gesture of my mom at one point makes me realize she is very open and liberal but at the same time when my mom panics about society, I used to get very upset. Because my mom was financially independent working woman with a husband who is liberal and open minded. He never sacrificed his family's happiness for society sake. 
I get this from my dad, but there was only one thing which I always was worried for mom was about her concern about what society will say?
Now, when I look back and walk-thru those moments I feel she was trying to teach me both sides of a coin. One you do what you like but then you have to take full responsibility for it and do not expect that anyone will come for your support or help. Otherwise, be at the mercy of society and follow the rules which may not bring happiness to you.

Another incident I remember, when I was in college and mom had brought a new dress for me which had mirrors as art work on it. When I wore that to college my mom was more excited than me and I didn't get it as why? But that evening when I returned from college she asked me how was it, what did everyone say about your dress and as I tried to describe how some boys were trying to look into the mirror to comb their hair and she laughed out like a child. Those moment make me feel she probably saw those happiness and moments through me as her time it was very strict. It also taught me that there is nothing wrong in being friends with boys and girls and fun is always taken as fun nothing more.

There's lot mom has taught me and there are moments in my life where I often think of those times and realize how my mom's way of teaching me and preparing me for the world and future was different than anyone else.

I am so lucky to have a mother who taught me life's lessons in her own way where sometimes she was also learning along with me and sometimes she allowed me to do things so I learn from there.

I am taking bits and pieces from what you taught me mom and some I am picking my own experiences from this part of the world and trying to teach my daughter the same. But I have to express this that no matter what discrimination was there in the world, you as a parent never let that happen to me. My questions might be weird but you always gave a thought to it and let me do what I like to do because you also felt there should not be a reason for discrimination being a girl. 

I love you mom! And, I know you know that because no matter what we discuss there is this confidence that you show in me, the trust that you have in me tells that you feel content about me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom, without you I don't exist! 

~ Dawn

BALANCE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU FIND, IT'S SOMETHING YOU CREATE..!

There was a time when we had a bifurcation between professional and personal life. Then eventually the fast pace caught up in such a way that the bifurcation line started fading away and probably the 'work-life' balance kicked in.
It's interesting how life long humans get groomed for a job - when you are a kid, you have to go to school to study well to score good in subjects that will help you to get admission in good colleges and from there to professional ones so that you get a good job which is well paying huh!
When you do get into the job, for the growth in the company one goes through so many training. This could be training in communication skills, behavioural and managerial skills, crucial conversation and if you're a manager then to enhance your people's manager skills one will go through unconscious bias training etc. 
All this effort is to have a good communication skills based on your audience, build relationship with your colleagues or manager by having those crucial conversations where you speak your mind and heart so that the other person reacts to it with more understanding and the best is that you make sure unconsciously you are not bias with your team or anyone at work. 

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" :)

If we say work-life balance is important, family and love is important in life, spending time with loved ones is what life's all about then why not we go through trainings to improve this phase of life?
I mean these days there are so many trainings involved at work that one can easily apply these skills and methodologies to their personal life too. 
Communication skill, now tell me how many of you have issues where your spouse might be talking in a tone that upsets you or gives an indication that they are irritated or unhappy. How do you convey this to them in a simpler manner so that they don't get offended but get the message across so that they can change their tone or way of communication?
Same way, how do one explain that what they think best as their behaviour, expression of love, that is not actually perceived the same way by the other spouse? Because at work we do hear that everyone has a perception about themselves as what people might think about them, and then people have a different perception about you which could be totally different than what you think you are. 

"Truth is universal. Perception of truth is not. The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. If the doors of the perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite".

It's always good to have that open and transparent communication between relationships as well. People have issues and that's just not surprising because everyone is different and no one has to be like someone else just because they have no other option. In fact for healthy relationship whether it's at work or personal life all relationships have to be maintained in one or the other way and if that is with respect and equality then it brings all kinds of fairness in it.

People have ego going to marriage counsellors because the reality may come out when two spouse will discuss about each other's behaviour. If you are so self-centered then might as well take these professional courses which will help you to shape in a good human being. Because people are different when they are at work and they can be a total different individual when they are at home. There's always a dual-personality within that you carry and it is well controlled and selective behaviour which individuals elect to play.
A perfect example is of the former Apple engineer Neha Rastogi - hasn't she brought up the abusive nature of her spouse openly no one would have known the other side of Silicon Valley CEO Abhishek Gattani. There are so many who suffer quietly sometimes for the sake of kids, sometimes for the society and sometimes the emotional attachments. Is it worth? 
We always hear at work if you are not getting what you are looking for in your career, and you are not happy then pave your path to success by choosing what you want then why can't the same be applicable in personal life of individuals?

"Fairness is protecting not only you but all who are involved"

~ Dawn

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong...

This time of the year, I really miss India, specially Pune. Growing up in Pune as a Malayalee (Keralite) is one thing but I grew up watching...