Monday, January 26, 2009

“Moving fast is not the same as going somewhere.”

Friends, it's been a while since I am planning to move to wordpress and time didn't permit or something or the other came up all the time.

This weekend I could do some moving with my friends help and so please welcome to my new home at http://fizadawn.com .... :)

I will look forward to see you there

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls” ~ Khalil Jibran



Friday, January 23, 2009

"Love all, trust a few"

John had the perfect opportunity to express his feelings and he did. James decided to fly to India and meet John in person.
Both were very happy – when they met they felt they are made for each other.
John took James to most of the places and showed around and this gave them a good chance to know each other well.
James after spending one month in India with John had to leave for US. He told John to think about the relationship seriously and things should work out well in life.

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.” ~ Alfred Adler

John was very happy though he was sad that James is leaving but looking at the positive aspect John felt relaxed and peace at heart.
I think it was then when, in US the gay-marriage bill got passed and everyone was getting married left and right :), when James insisted John to fly to US.
John was not able to do so and a time came where James gave an ultimatum to his partner that if he doesn’t make up his mind in 2 weeks he is going to split ways with him.
John tried to explain him on what basis he can come there and other hurdles that he has but all in vain. James moved on with his life and John again lonely and sad!

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.” ~ Frank Crane
John was not sure if this is how his life going to be? Is he ever going to find a partner with whom he can share his life and live ever after? But as nature teaches all, he also consoled himself about the reality and tried to look happiness in taking care of his parents and meeting his elder brother and family.
Life moved on, John started spending most of his time in making paintings and sketches. He was indeed very good at it. Friends started asking him to make their portrait and so forth.
One day John met a guy called Naresh, who seemed to be a very nice guy. John always have this fear that he doesn’t want to fall for anything and so he was more concentrated at his work and paintings. One day Naresh told him that he is a gay. John was surprised but was happy too. John and Naresh they had mutual feelings for each other and hence they started dating each other.
John wanted to know if Naresh has said this to his family. Naresh had only disclosed this to John and no one else. Naresh used to send thousands of sms to John and he used to make so many calls to John when they are not together.
One day Naresh called John to his home as his car was in the garage and he needed the lift to work. John went to his house when he saw a girl in who opened the door at the knock. Naresh immediately came out and said let’s go!

“What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.” ~ Baruch Spinoza

The girl was bothering John very much and so John asked Naresh – ‘Naresh, who is that girl in your house who just opened the door?’

Naresh said – ‘oh! I forgot to tell you I live with my cousin sister.’
John asked – ‘does she know about you that you are a gay?’
Naresh - ‘hey! No way!! If I tell her she will tell to everyone in the family and my parents will kill me’.

“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” ~Charlotte Bronte

John was a bit baffled at this. But he was okay when he thought about the difficulties one has to face.
Time was flying, John was very happy with this relationship as he felt he got someone who is in the city and he has no pressure to leave the country.

One day John thought why not Naresh and I move in to one apartment so that he doesn’t have to go all the way to Naresh’s house to pick him up for work. John thought he will discuss this with Naresh in the evening and he started getting ready for work.

John’s cell phone used to buzz all the time as Naresh used to send him thousands of sms and John used to feel very secure and protective in the company of Naresh.
It was evening when Naresh and John decided to have a coffee and they were talking about the nice coffee, the weather and above all about each other, when John said – ‘I have an idea…if you’re okay with it?’ and he paused to get the yes response from Naresh.
Naresh said – ‘Yes, go ahead. What is it?

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson
John said, I was thinking why don’t you move into my apartment that way I don’t have to come to your house all the time and your cousin sister will wonder always who I am! And more over we will have more time for each other.’

Naresh at this a bit hesitated but he recovered quickly and said let me think over.
Next day Naresh called John and said he has some work so he is not going to work. This gave the indication that John need not go to pick up Naresh. John said- ‘no worries! I will come and see you in the evening, to this Naresh responded no I will be out of town and I will call you once I am back.

This sudden change and plans made John a bit doubtful. He asked Naresh what it is. Naresh kept on saying some family matter has come up and he has to visit his parents.
John thought there might be something important and he said- ‘you know my number so if anything you need do call me.’

Naresh assured John that he will be back in couple of weeks and need not be worried and he went to his home town.

“Life is a quest and love a quarrel ...” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Thursday, January 22, 2009

"Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law"

When John was a kid he used to be very playful all the time. I remember his elder brother or his dad if they see him playing they used to ask him – ‘Don’t you have anything to study? Go and study!’ and John used to shy away thinking its better to get out of this place before getting embarrassed more in front of the neighboring kids.

He was very friendly with girls and his plays used to be some what girly too but no one noticed until John grew up to figure out that he likes girls but he is not attracted towards them.
Let me tell you John is very talented in what he does and that is painting. I often felt that being the young boy no one took him very seriously. Everyone treated him like a kid – I wish I was there for him when he needed a friend instead of any elderly person.

John realized that marriage and girls are not for him. He accepted this fact and tried to share with his friends who can understand but with others he couldn’t and hence he always kept quite.

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.” ~Tennessee Williams

Living in a society where being gay is not only a shameful thing but a crime too – what one can expect? John, many times had to face people who are of his fathers or mothers age, asking him – ‘John do you have any girlfriend?’ and John used to say ‘No!’

And this answer used to lead them to ask then why don’t you get married? Haha imagine a guy who doesn’t have a girl friend isn’t that sufficient to let them know that he may not be interested or may be he hasn’t found one yet…but Marriage??? Boy that’s a big thing!!!
He always used to shy away by saying – no! Haven’t found one that I like!!! Or have fallen for :)

Mean while John travelled to different places for work related affairs and ended up in Mumbai training people for different Call Center jobs and during such time John met someone online whom he started liking, Someone who also understood his feelings and shared his happiness with John. It was like a dream come true for John as he never thought he would find someone with whom he can share his feelings, his happiness and living so far. His name is James.

James lives in US and he works in fashion designing and is very creative and successful with his work. By chatting online for long hours and with day and night phone calls, it was very obvious cupid has stuck them.

Love was growing from a seed to a small plant. As much John was eager to meet so was James too. James with his busy schedule often used to ask – John! Dear why don’t you come to US and then we can live happily here and you don’t have to work so hard also as I earn good to take care of things.

John always try his best to explain as how difficult it is to get a US visa and even if he has to make a tourist visit, it’s not that easy as people from US try to fly to India.

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. “ ~Benjamin Disraeli

It was tough for James to understand as he never went to India and he has no idea about the outside world than US.

John in return always wanted to tell James to come to India but he always hesitated either with the fear that James will say that he is busy or straight refuse to him.
Today when James called John – John decided to tell what’s in his heart. After all the sweet talk on the phone, James felt his friend seems to be a bit gloomy and he said, ‘John what’s it that’s bothering you? Tell me and if you don’t then I will come there by myself and find out :)
This was the moment that John was looking for!!!!

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.” ~ Ann Landers

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible"

Today is the beginning of a new era, new hope, and new expectations and over all a lot of speculations. I am sure the World witnessed it and everyone is hopeful.

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
When I look at it, I feel the emotions of the people who remembered their forefathers who suffered in many ways. Imagine, where one’s hand is not even shaken, one cannot even go and study in the same school where a white man studies and so many such stories – there today, a colored person is taking oath as a President of that Country – words are few to express the moments but those who have lived the past moments of differences and have grown old to see today can only express through their emotions!

“The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” ~ Allan K Chalmers

I remember as a kid when I was taught how our great grand parents and leaders of those times who fought to bring independence to the country – they gave their life so that we can live a better life – that’s the exact words I heard from the President Barack Hussein Obama and I didn’t feel anything different but the feeling is same and respect is same towards those who sacrificed their lives.

I congratulate America, President Barack H Obama and Vice President Joe Biden for today January 20th

“We have a problem. 'Congratulations.' But it's a tough problem. 'Then double congratulations'” ~ W Clement Stone

Monday, January 05, 2009

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”

I am coming back after a long gap. Many reasons to add to it, as work one aspect and besides work when it was holidays I spent some quality time with family and travelled a lot.
As much travelling increases your knowledge about places, it teaches many things about life too. Just like how you can be high and topsy - turvy in a roller coaster ride and the next moment you are down holding your breath as if the heart is trying to slip into your stomach!
Yes, it is fun when you think of such rides in Disney or other entertainment recreations but when this is with life; it is very tough to digest.

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” ~ Buddha

When I say ‘tough’ it is not just mere a word believe me it is hard. I don’t remember when was the last time that I had tears in my eyes for a friend…well, that tells that my friends are doing good as far I know! But this friend of mine, a very sober – soft spoken…believe me I have often thought in my own mind as how this friend of mine would be talking if she is mad at someone or if she wants to scold her kids…believe me I have not figured that out because this person is never like that.
This person has a gem of a heart which is always thinking to help others and yes, she did care for me how I can forget that!!!

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” ~ MK Gandhi

All I want to tell my friends out here is my this special friend is going through a bit hard time and I want you all to pray for my friend’s happiness, peace and good health. I know my friend is strong and tough and I am proud of her for what she is.

“Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.” ~ Arthur Rubinstein

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