Time moves in one direction and ---> memory in another <---

I had this opportunity to watch Tamil movie - 96 and much thanks to my hubby who actually put up a review about this movie and that's when came to know about the existence of this movie.

This is a story about school-time crush and how we move on in life and that crush still remains in your heart but they never get together in life, at least in this movie its like that. 
The movie is good and what I liked about it is that in this the crush or love is from both sides and hence the loss of being together in life is sensed more and as an audience you feel sorry for them because no matter how many years have gone, at the reunion the love or crush is still at the highest intensity and yet they go back to their lives respecting what they have committed for.
This movie actually brought lot of my school-time memories and hence I want to write this post in remembering all those boys who had a crush on me and some I don't even know at that time and some I came to know later in life when they got connected with me on social media. 
Actually, I never had any crush or love in school or college time. But I do remember one which came in as a proposal in life later and I came to know very late about it.

"Some memories are unforgettable, remaining ever vivid and heartwarming!" ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

This was when I was in 10th grade and I was visiting my Grandma from my Mom's side. I remember I used to be more hanging out with my Aunt, who used to visit her friend's place who was a widow with two boys. One was way older and the other seemed like in college or high-school. The boy I will call here as Madhu, who would silently gaze at me when I used to visit their house with my Aunt and he would never utter a word with me but would talk to my Aunt. I used to be a shy and scary as I used to find it a bit awkward visiting from different state to this one.

The visits were more and so I happened to meet Madhu more often and his stare would make me a bit awkward and I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu. Slowly things started getting in such a way that when I am at my front door at my Aunt's place or my Uncle's place he could see me through his front deck, that's the house was close. 
I remember once I was walking down the road with my cousin and he waited for me till evening until I returned home.
He used to sometimes follow us when I am going with my Aunt and used to engage my Aunt in talks. As much praise I have heard from my Aunt about him, that much I felt good about him as he was serious about his studies and he is sincere and well behaved.. all this only made me think of him as a good person.
That vacation went by quick and I remember the last day he ran after my Aunt asking about us, if we have left and my Aunt said they will be leaving tomorrow morning and he just came up with some excuse to come to our home. He was there for long time staring at me and I was kind of smiling as I think I felt that he will miss us.

"Time flies, but memories last forever."

Things moved on and after couple of years when I came back again on vacation, I didn't see him at all. I got curious and I asked my Aunt about Madhu and she said oh, he joined Army so he is not here in town. That made me miss him but I felt good that he is focused on his career and life. 
Time was flying like a kite, I got busy with my high-school and then college and so forth. On my every visit I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu and I used to get news that he was tired of Army life and he escaped from there and so now cops are looking for him. I used to worry, now what? And my Aunt would say they will take him back and he will be completing his Army training as one shouldn't be running away from the training.
I used to worry and think about it when I used to visit my Grandma's place but when I used to come back to my home the usual life kicked in and I got busy with my life. 
Dating concept was not something that we had and hence, there was nothing like that I could think of him or any other guy during that time. Anyway, I got busy with life and after many years I went back to visit my Aunt with my 4 year old daughter. 
This was the time when I was asking about all the people that I have known since my childhood and my Aunt would give me all the updates about the neighboring people and I brought his name...where's Madhu? How is he doing? Did he go back to Army? What is he doing?

"Good times become good memories and bad time become good lessons.."

The answer that I got from my Aunt was painful and shocking too. My Aunt said, they left this place as they sold their property and moved to a different place. His elder brother is married and he lives somewhere close by but Madhu had come here with his mother to ask for marriage with your parents. This was something I initially couldn't believe. Because, even though I thought he liked me when we used to see each other during my visits, but I never thought that he was so serious about me. I got curious and asked, when did they meet my parents? 
My Aunt said, during the time when your Mom and Dad were visiting here and you were busy with college, during that time they visited here and said their son Madhu likes their daughter and would like to marry with everyone's blessings. I was shocked but was sad and it was a mixed emotion.
I said and?
Aunt said, your Dad said we don't intend our daughter to get married to an Army guy. And even if we do want to then we don't want to send our daughter to this place.

I was completely shocked and felt like a Bollywood movie where the girl's father is always playing the villain role. All I could imagine in my mind was Madhu's Mom because she was a very respectful woman in the area and she had raised her two sons without her husband. She was well educated and was working in a good government establishment. I was really feeling sad. I looked at my Aunt and said, is this real? How come then no one said anything about this till date?

"Sometimes I just wish that I could fast forward time, just to see if it's all worth it in the end."

My Aunt looked at me and said, well he loved you since school time and I even asked him that have you ever talked to her and his answer was - no!
But he loved you and he thought when the right time comes he would ask your parents permission as he felt you are not the kind of girl who would love and write love letters and continue the relationship..!

That incident made me feel very sad and I feel for Madhu even though it was not love from my side, but the sincerity of him killed my ego. I don't know if meeting with him and talking to him could give a closure to this but ...this has left me with those painful moments yet when I walk through the memory lanes, the moments of visiting his home, his stare, he bringing stuff at home for me and all those opportunities where he wouldn't miss to see me, even if it was a glance... have tickled my heart at the same time.

I feel life is full of surprises and yet you never know who would come to rescue when you are in need... it could be someone from your past life... or someone new?

"The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you"

~ Dawn

Not every sorry deserves an "It's Okay" in return

It's so true that one person has to be courageous and come out and then others automatically gain the confidence and courage to come and share their story.
Yes, I am talking about the #MeTooMovement that has taken like a huge storm and I hope its just the beginning.

As I was reading news and on social media about women being harassed at work place or even looked at as a piece of meat, it just gives you to reflect about so many things that has happened in your own life.
Women has the toughest job to do and that is if she doesn't want to be dependent on anyone financially and she takes up a job in a company - then its basically means you're on your own. Because if you complain then the response is 'you better stay at home'.

I know there are many women who have been home makers for this reason. When a woman at work is harassed by her manager and she tries to stop him many times and yet he never stops. It reaches to a point where your colleagues ask you if you're okay because you keep going into you manager's room who keeps calling you in his room for 1 on 1s and you end up going each time because each time he says its about the project and this stress you share at home, it's not necessary that she will get a support from her loved ones saying, lets talk about it or do something about it. They will still let her go to that same workplace, to that same manager and its that same environment where she is being sent.

"We have to have the courage to tell people when their behavior or the way they talk makes us uncomfortable."

Financial support is something a woman tries to do for her family where her thinking is mainly to support her husband and family. When a husband doesn't have a job or has a business which doesn't bring in much income the support system is on the woman. At such time when she is being harassed by her manager at work, what options she has: tell at home and see what they suggest? If there is no suggestion then you know what it means, or you change your job, but whats the guarantee the next manager is going to be good? You're taking a chance but until you find another job you're stuck with the present manager because your family depends on you.

"At the end of the day, don't forget that you're a person, don't forget that you're a mother; a wife and a daughter." ~ Indira Nooyi

Women will suffer for her family and why only women? Because women are raised that way from the beginning. They are taught you're born strong so do all the hard work and yet any issue comes just be quiet and move on because women are supposed to not complain and if it's about men then oh! no!!! never complain about them because women are such a piece of meat that they will be blamed but men won't be blamed and the bad name will come to the women.
She shared with few friends and they said, 'Complain it to Human Resources, but then no idea if the next manager wants to hire you because this will be in the system. They might keep the manager because he is an employee and then they might fire you as you are a contractor".

"Show respect even to the people who don't deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours." ~ Dave Willis

Here the harassment from the manager and no security or help from husband - both are men and what should this woman do? If anyone has an answer then do comment!  

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

~ Dawn

Women's empowerment is intertwined with respect for human rights..

I am writing this post today, because I feel we are responsible to fail humanity.

When I was growing up and used to hear stories from people and olden times, I always felt that, oh, that was then! Not anymore!!!

"I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been." ~ William Golding

But even today when I hear women treated like an object whether it’s in under developed country or a developed country – the story of women is in bizarre!

The male dominating society is creeping in like a weed everywhere and they just use women in whatever way they want to and just dump it and don’t even feel ashamed of their deeds. I mean will they be doing the same way with their mother and daughter too? I am assuming that those two relationships they might be holding too close to their heart so can their in humanness be justified if they think from that point?

I had met this young, courageous woman sometimes back and even I didn’t realize if I had any role to play in inspiring her. But recently I heard some happiness entering in her lonely life where she would get a company in life and a father figure for her teenage son. I mean when you’re meeting a single mother and/or single father, there’s certain expectation that even as a society people would expect.

The lady Rose was finally happy that her life which had a very bad and traumatic marriage life with her first one. She had lost hope and faith with the men’s world when she found this guy Jordan, who has a grown-up son too. He meets them, take them home and fulfills the ceremony of engagement and then he ends up to his friend with who’s instruction he wouldn’t do anything. And this person who is supposed to be the friend of Jordan suggests him to dump the girl as you can get many women to sleep with so why you need to marry one?

What an evil thought? If this is how the mind works then imagine how he might be looking at women in his surroundings whether its his work place, community and social gathering events, his kid’s school or for that say his wife’s women friends? I mean such a filthy guy he would be that I felt as a woman he should be exposed so that we don’t want another #MeToo moment to come in any women’s life.

"A stare, a proximity, a smile, a touch-oddly familiar. He knows you wouldn't speak, he knows you don't understand enough to speak; Me too!" ~ Nipunya Panda

Jordan one day sends message on text saying he is breaking up with her. Poor thing Rose, who has no clue why he is breaking up? What she did that she is being punished except that she knows the previous day he went for a hike with his so-called friend.

I have only thing to say to Rose, which is tough for her to handle because she loved Jordan and her son also loved him. Poor kid is going through counseling and therapy sessions as he is still not able to digest why Mom is crying, why Jordan will never come to our home?

"Her innocence, to him, was that sexual toy which he broke many times and every time fixed it with chocolates and ice-cream." ~ notypriyanka

Rose, someone tried to play with your wings and while doing that they tried to break your wings. Hence, you’re bruised but I will say get well soon and be thankful that you’re not ending up like Jordan’s previous wives who have either divorced him or have embraced death as by suicide. You need to be there for your son and that too a strong one so that your son can learn too that this world is full of horrible men and he needs to change that face by being a gentleman!

"Educate a man and you educate an individual. Educate a woman and you educate a family." ~ A. Cripps

I feel it’s a good riddance in this form for Rose that she didn’t have to lose her life, her son and her hard-earned money and house. Sometimes awakening happens in different ways and experiences.

Women have to unite to make sure men don’t miss use innocent women and just don’t disrespect when they are vulnerable.

~ Dawn

There is no certainty; there is only adventure ;)

While growing up I never thought I will leave the place which I call as home and hence the thought of blind date with the world is something not even came in my dream.

But as I started going to college and started reading things the curiosity bug bit me too. I often thought of just going to some place and keep traveling because at the end of the day what do you need – something to eat, a safe place to sleep and stay and then keep moving.

"The biggest  adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams" ~ Oprah Winfrey

I had many times discussed this with my school friends about dreaming of living in a place in a small hut where in the backside of the hut we have some vegetable garden with veggies and in front of the house are the hot springs where we cook most of our food and eat and sleep under the sky gazing stars and my Moon.

I know dreams are so beautiful and when someone says go live your dream – that’s really an action which once taken then you’re on your own.

I also took such a blind date with the world and it was in the year of 1997 when I took a one-way ticket to Toronto, Canada. I had gone through the process of immigration where I got my Permanent Residential visa and I headed to this blind date with Canada where I have no friends and/or family. I will share the journey which now I look back and feel good about taking that blind date with Canada because it changes my whole perspective about how I look at world now.

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

I remember I had only clothes in my suitcase as I had heard its very cold in Canada and so I landed in the month of April assuming it will be spring and may not be cold. Surprisingly, it was still snowing that year and I had my mixed feelings towards that. It’s beautiful how nature itself deals with all these seasonal changes and how people adapt to it too.

My journey was a struggle in the beginning because when you land at any place which is not your home, you start your bill from that moment. Not only that, there's a strangeness in the beginning and also cultural shocks which makes you to be more cautious. I somehow made use of the newspaper ads which helped me to get the rental basement space for me even though the job was still far from me. I have met many people during this struggle time and to be frank only Indians took advantage of my situation. Others, they offered help without expecting anything in return. I am not sure if I should call that out but that’s one of the experiences which happened not once but number of times.

People tried to convert me to Christianity, so they can get money from their institution and to me they suggested we will help you with the job, which was totally incorrect, and I am glad I didn’t fall for it. One thing I knew that there are no free lunches so some of the proverbs that I learnt in school did actually help me from not making mistakes.

"Life is an adventure, it's not a package tour." ~ Eckhart Tolle 

But then in all this, you tend to find yourself safe in the custody of your race and people and that’s what lead me to suffer. The moment I freed my mind from that, I felt a relief and freedom from all tie-ups, taboos and everything. It’s all about your mind believe me. I decided to move out of renting in someone’s house and went to rent a one-bedroom apartment where I had my freedom and independence to live. It not only gave me my space, but it also taught me how to not look to lean all the time.

I found a small job as a part-time cashier with minimum wage, but again it was the mind which said this is not what you came here for and so I decided in 4 months I need to move on from here. And believe me sometimes you got to make your decision from your mind and not heart, because only then you can do things that your heart wants.

One after the other jobs and finally I ended up in a Bank and it completely changed my life, from an HR field to technology field. The merge was amazing, and the transition was such that I figured out my actual interest, which is people and technology that enables people to do things. I guess the blend of this helped me to move from one company to the other and one place to the other, and now I am in California, USA.

I think we should all blind date with the world, so we understand people and life better. Sitting in a comfort zone can make anyone do anything that they feel is right but actual life is in traveling and understanding the life of different people. So, I love this blind date which made me to marry to traveling :).

It’s true that blind date is not always about happy ending, because many ups and downs are there which occurred in my life too because of meeting wrong people at the wrong time and place but the better lesson you learn and move out from there. Because life always gives you another chance and that’s up to us to see and grab it.

"Life experience is what defines our character, even if it means getting your heart broken or being lied to. You know, you need the downs to appreciate the ups. Going on the adventure or taking that risk is important." ~ Nev Schulman

As I was getting comfortable with my date in Toronto, I decided to do another blind date with San Francisco, in California USA. Let me tell you, it was not a very happy one. I feel when there is a change, it does bring some turbulence, but one got to hold on to it and stay strong that’s what I did. Initial days I didn’t like US. It was something like I started comparing between Canada and USA. Everything I related it that way, whether its people, place, behavior or even the process in banking etc. I realized I was missing Canada very much because it was my first blind date with whom I fell in love, so the first love is always there as special in my heart. I guess no one will understand that because that journey I had taken alone and every corner of the place, city, people have made an impact on me. It is difficult to not be connected with a place where I started from scratch and built my home finally.

Over the period, I went back to visit and be at every place that I lived in, walked around and worked around and after that when I came back to California it was kind of be at peace.

"Life would be pretty boring if I didn't explore. It's about letting my ears take me on an adventure to soak in everything I can." ~ Trombone Shorty

I would like to go for another blind date and I am just going to go for that soon!

~ Dawn

Swamiye Sharamanamaiyyappa !!!

This blog is based on the verdict of what Supreme Court has declared on Sabarimala, where they are allowing women of all age to enter the Sabarimala temple.

 

Those who don't know Sabarimala can read here and understand about the story of Ayappan and his devotees and believers. 

I have a personal connection with Ayyappa and the whole nine yards because I used to go with my Dad to all puja's and temple visits during those 42 days... ! I remember singing bhajans of Ayyappa during those puja's such as - Thedi varum kannugalil - which even my North India school teacher's were fan of and I have sang those during my school assembly as well!!!
 
So, I have a story too and its very close to my heart. When I say heart, its because it involves my Dad who is a big Ayyappan bhakt and I can vouch how deeply he is spiritual with Ayyappan. My dad Meladathe Chandrasekhan Nair who started worshiping Lord Ayyappan at the age of 12 - very young and today he is 83 years old but he went to Sabarimala for 42 years and walked the sabarimala 42 years from Erumelli to see his Lord Ayyappan's darshanam (visit). Imagine when he started this at the age of 12, being his daughter how I am connected to all of this. Every devotee who completes 18 years of visit to temple will plant a coconut tree there at Sabarimala and my Dad has planted two of them.

Even before my birth my Dad named me Usha -Ushas and I can see all this is related to Ayyappan because he used to often talk about Usha (Dawn) puja, Uccha (afternoon) puja and Vaighuneram (evening) puja. 
Every year my Dad used to take leave/PTO from his work to go to Sabarimala after completing his 42 days strict vritham, when he was bachelor I am sure he could and after his marriage still he did follow and went every year. I remember as a kid I used to see my Mom used to go and stay at my friend's house and after that she used to come when her menstrual cycle was completed. But my Dad never shy away from his social responsibilities even though he was a Guru swamy who used to take lot of kanni swamies with him to Sabarimala. Being a husband and father of his two children he fully did his duties. He used to take four times bath but he used to make sure he dropped his wife to her office while she was in her menstrual phase and he took care of dropping his daughter to school and rest besides doing puja's in the Ayyappan temple in Uttamnagar, Pune India. He is a devotee and he would do anything in the name of Lord Ayyappa. He earned things to build a temple for Ayyappan in Uttamnagar, Pune Maharashtra instead of building a house for his family. A very true and faithful human being, I am not saying because he is my father but that's how I have known him from outside people.

There were landlords/sarpanch's who have given free land to my Dad to build house but my Dad used that land to build Ayyappan temple. His philosophy is if there's a will there's a way and so if there's a way for his family to have their house they will have. He never believed in things that he got as a gift or bribe, belongs to him - he always said this is not hard earned by my effort so it will not stay with me for long so he used to donate that money which they used to get from their boss to the worker's canteen and every worker used to enjoy the samosa and tea that day.

An honest man, a believer and family man. I am very proud of my Dad for who he is, a very logical and rationale.

In fact I have been to Sabarimala at the age of 9 when I was in 4th grade. I went to Sabarimala by keeping the vritham (42 days) and then went with my maternal Grandma and cousins. I will tell you I still remember it was a hardship being myself a sports person it was touch climbing those mountains and walking continuously before it gets dark and finally rest in a tent that night. Early morning 4 am you get up to take shower in the Pampa river and then walk to the path of darshan of Lord Ayyappa.
I have been there and done that and after that I have more respect for my Dad because it is hardship and only a true dedicated person would take that effort. 

My Dad went till he was 79 and then we as kids being selfish stopped him because we don't want him to be pushed around during stampede and he probably understood our love and dilemma. But what I want to say is religion, belief is all about individuality and personal choices.
I know my Dad, who is very strict about Ayyappan and the vritham that one must follow. I remember there was one Shekharan uncle who was in Military and came to Dad to go to Sabarimala and my Dad did the puja and he wore the mala to go to Sabarimala but guess what he did drink in between those 42 days of vritham when he was not supposed to. He lied to my Dad but somehow some guilt that it came out and he apologized to my Dad. I remember there were many such stories and it was real not a myth. 
Many Maharashtrians have faith and they did follow the rules and went with my Dad to Sabarimala and they came back and been to a Ayyappa bhakt in Uttamnagar.
All this is good, and now we hear about the verdict where Supreme court says women can go to Sabarimala irrespective of what age they are. I hear many debates on this who are in favor of this verdict and those who are not.

I am a believer and I feel that one should have freedom to do what they want that doesn't hurt anyone. I never was religious and I know even today I have my sentiments because of my parents. I will respect what they believe in but over the period of my personal experience I am an agnostic and strong believer in humanity as my religion.

People should have freedom to worship or not to worship. It should be their personal choice.

After this verdict was out, I was listening and reading about this but I had my Dad behind my mind all the time. As I see lot of debates and arguments and discussions on the social media. All this and then I thought of my Dad. 

Whenever I felt a doubt, I have always gone to my Dad to ask because I think he is a person who thinks rationally and would give his unbiased response after that he won't tell me what I should do.
So today, I asked my Dad what is his thoughts on the verdict.

His response: "I don't agree supreme court's decision about women's entry to sabarimala temple. Those who believe in sabarimala ayyappa swami they will not enter the temple when they are in the age-group of 10 - 50."

I responded back to him with love saying, Swami Sharanam and he responded back - Ayyappa Saranam,! 
I totally agree, its all about one's belief system.

If you really believe in God which ever God you will have your faith in that and hence you will follow the rules as supposed to those who don't believe will not take the effort to do anything.

It's all in the belief system. Now those who don't believe and still want to prove something will go and visit ....? Not sure what they are trying to prove!!!

I know that in other parts of the world wherever Ayyappa temple is there women go and worship and there is no restriction so what is this all about?

Is this specific about Sabarimala? Then women who are okay to take that hike during their menstrual period is totally their personal discretion I believe unless there is a separate agenda.

Still, I believe this should not cause any issues to those who believe in Ayyappa dharma sashtav.

Because at the end its about one's own belief. Those who believe will follow the rules and those who won't will not take the effort to do anything.

Being a agnostic, I will say let's live and let others live peacefully, as long as you don't discriminate between human being all is well and peaceful!

Swamiye Saranamayyiappa !

~ Dawn 

Humanity should be our race. Love should be our religion!

I remember when my Hindi poetry book 'Khwabon Ki Zameen' - Land of dreams, was published in 2008 the funds that I collected was mainly for HIV kids in India and during that time I heard from my Mom-in law about Palliative Care and her decision to practice that after her retirement in a hospital for AIDS patients in Calicut, Kerala India. She had mentioned that my Father-in law Dr Narayanan, wanted to do this and since he is no more she would like to take that dream forward.
I was very much touched by that and I also decided at that time of doing the same in one or the other way through whatever way I can support.
Many times our family responsibilities come as priority but I believe there are many other ways that we can support such as financial help, professional help and also through spreading the message across as this is something that not many know about the palliative care and the need of it.
Being in the developed countries such as Canada and USA, I have heard of these and I have seen how patients are supported, in fact I had volunteered in my early days in Toronto, Canada by visiting the old age home where patients need that compassion and love. I used to spend one hour every time I went there and the amount of love I received from each one of them was something I can't even describe in words and many times I felt did they needed that or was it me, who had no family or friends in that country at that time. It is such a therapy that everyone can benefit by mere showing compassion and love to each other.

"The best way to find yourself is to loose yourself in the service of others." ~ M. K. Gandhi

These things are not that common in countries like India and many others. We all within ourselves know that every living being needs love, compassion and support during all the times. It's even more when one is suffering but I feel we in this fast paced era forget about compassion or it gets ignored and lost in many other priorities but what we forget is the main fundamental thing that we are human!

Padma Shri Dr. M. R. Rajagopal is an Indian palliative care physician. He is the founder chairman of Pallium India, a palliative care non-governmental organization based in Kerala, India. 
He is often referred to as the 'Father of Palliative Care in India', in honor of his significant contribution to the palliative care scene in India. In 2018, the Indian Government honored Dr M. R. Rajagopal with the Padma Shri award.

I would like to share a documentary movie based on Dr M. R. Rajagopal's life, titled "Hippocratic: 18 Experiments in Gently Shaking the World" which was released on World Palliative Care Day - Oct 14th, 2017.

"We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity; more than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost." ~ Charles Chaplin

Yesterday I had the privilege to meet in person Padma Shri Dr. M. R. Rajagopal at a charity event hosted by Punyam. Listening to his speech where many stories he shared from his real life and experience that brought tears in many people's eyes who were present there. It really touched some of the inner core of my soul and the question that I keep asking myself came back again - why are we living if we are not there for each other to support. 
Personally when I hear about someone suffering or being expired because of illness, my immediate thought goes to my loved ones because I know one fact about life is that we all are going to die. It's matter of time and matter of who goes first. No matter when it happens and who goes first, all I care about is to give that happiness and peace while they are there with us. It is so important to do things while people are alive because after death they are not there to see anything, not even your tears.
No matter how much technology takes lead in our lives, love and compassion can never be given by technology. I am a supporter of technology but as an enabler for us. Technology can help with many aspects of health industry but the human touch, and compassion can only be through us i.e., we humans.

"We are very, very small, but we are profoundly capable of very, very big things" ~ Stephen Hawking 

Many times I have wished myself to be at places where I can be of some help for humanity and at times the responsibilities takes the first priority and so I try my best to support financially wherever it is possible but my ultimate goal is to be there and help in person on the field for humanity sake.

This is not possible by one person as it takes a whole village to help and support the cause and I am a believer of 'Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise the wise man, gathering it little by little, fills himself with good' !

So lets pledge to support Dr. M. R. Rajagopal in his mission for our loved ones sake and for humanity.

"Strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others"

~ Dawn

The next evolutionary step for humankind is to move from man to kind...!

Recently came across a note by friends in social media saying, women who don’t change their last name after marriage – is a sign of women empowerment.

I see women having their own opinion on that note and I feel that itself is a great achievement that they made a choice, they have an opinion – some did change because they like it that way for what so ever reason – may be the culture they grew up with, or be part of their husband’s family and the belonging aspect of it etc. But having changed the last name or not, the truth is does that makes anyone liberated? I mean I have seen women without changing their last name after marriage and yet have not empowered to make any family decisions or even make a decision for themselves when it comes to career or any other choices.

“Some guys will want to change everything about you. But the right guy will not want to change one thing your last name.”

Are we dwelling on the right thing when we say ‘women empowerment’? I am not sure but for these name change and not change things and the identity through those actions... because I feel irrespective of what your name is – whether the name and surname is from your maiden family? Or your name is given by your parents and surname is from your husband’s family? Or your first name and last name is given to you by your husband’s family during the marriage as part of the tradition?

“He stole my heart and I am planning for revenge. I am going to steal his last name!”

In my opinion nothing gives you an identity other than what you do and establish yourself as with your thoughts and actions. Believe it or not, I often say to friends when they ask me if I am Usha, Dawn, Fiza and my response to them is – what’s in the name?

“We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings.”

Yes, what is in the name? I feel specially with the Indian culture and tradition when you see a name your mind opens into – the person is from which religion, caste, language, state and what not. Is this is what you’re defining as your identity? Then hell no!!! I don’t need such identity because I want to be known as a human first and not tied to any religion, caste, state, language or anything such things that divides the human race. I am sure if we were named as numbers because names cause these kinds of issues, still we would come up with who’s the top most and who’s not and would start discriminating based on that.

I have been treated so well the moment people came to know which place I come from and the state, some have treated me so well when they came to know I am Fiza, I got many friend requests and appreciations from Muslim friends, similarly many have asked me if I have married a white guy since I have my name as Usha Dawn – I mean c’mon!!! And to another extent the Dawn is referred as Dhawan and some south Indians they call me north Indian very proudly… I feel sorry for them! 

If people cannot connect with you or your identity without your last name, then it’s better not to connect because it will be a rough pathway.

“Humanity should be our race. Love should be our religion.”

Let’s be human first because that’s what we became as part of evolution and we have not been successful in doing a good job on that itself and we created so many barriers for ourselves in the name of caste, creed, culture, religion and what not!!!

“Find the sweetness in your own heart, then you may find the sweetness in every heart” ~ Rumi

~ Dawn

But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated..!

Growing up as a Malayalee or in short most of our north Indian friends used to call us mallus - Kerala has always been our vacation home.
Every summer vacation it used to be at granny's place in Kerala and have enjoyed the love of not only our relatives but also the neighbors and the people who used to visit home probably to help plucking coconuts from the tree or so. Everyone used to love us and would pamper us just because we were not from there. For us everything was a surprise or a miracle. When my Mom used to make ball to play cricket with the help of coconut leaves, initially we used to make fun saying you can't play with it but when you really have nothing else to do we used to play cricket - that same ball made out of coconut leaves and the bat used to be the dried thick stem from the coconut tree and life was beautiful.

You climb the nature made steps to go from one layer of land to the other on this hills and you will see cashew trees, jack-fruit trees and just greenery everywhere. Mother nature has been kind in this part of the south and probably that's the reason people call it's God's Own Country.

Believe me when I used to visit my Mom's side in Tiruvalla its a mix of Hindu and Christian population and they live happily. I have never heard anytime people discriminating anyone. In fact, most of my Christian malayalee neighbors whenever they made beef, biriyani, or rice cake they have always shared with us, even though they know my Mom won't eat meat they knew kids and Dad would eat. 

Similarly on the north of Kerala my Dad's side Malaparam district where the population is a mix of Hindu and Muslim and they live happily. I have always heard from my Dad great things about his Muslim friends as how true they are to their words.
I have learned one thing people love each other and spread love through food and what's wrong if it's beef or chicken or fish? If one likes it they eat it and if they don't then they don't. There is nothing that religion comes in picture and even then everyone with different faiths in religion would go to their respective temples, church and mosques and pray.

"Love the world as your own self; then you can truly care for all things" ~ Lao Tzu

All this beautiful things I was enjoying this summer too. I was in Kerala visiting my parents and the heavy rains in Guruvayur was like a music to me. I remember I used to enjoy heavy rain at night because then you can sleep well - it was like music to the ears and same thing when it rained during the day, all I could do was record the music of rain drops falling fast one after the other and made some paper boats and sailed in the puddle in front of the gate. When I was leaving the place I felt it is raining as always like in the monsoon season but never thought of this  disaster that would cause so many lives of people stranded across the state. 

The best of our character comes out in difficult times and it is true during this natural calamity every Keralite was united in the name of humanity and was helping each other in every possible way. It was not only about human but every life was precious and were tried to save. I feel so proud to see how everyone came together whether it was Army, Navy, Air-force, Government, Fishermen, Movie star, Common Man, yes everyone was united in helping and saving each other. Shopkeepers kept their shop open and said take what you want! That is humanity where you don't think of any selfishness but pure heart to help and save humanity.

About 800,000 people got stranded and relocated, so many of them are missing and so many lost their lives - my heart goes out to those who have lost their loved ones and might be some in hopes to find them in some camps. It's the time when every Keralite celebrates Onam the harvesting festival and look this natural calamity brought everyone together if not to celebrate Onam but to celebrate humanity and love.
Being from Kerala I always felt special because if you look at it Kerala is always in news with 100% literacy, with Transgenders being recruited in the government jobs and LGBTQA supportive activities and what not and all this tells us nothing keeps us apart whether its sexual orientation, religion, caste, food habits what not all that is later and one's personal choices but what comes first is Humanity and hence everyone tried their best to overcome this crisis, but whats going to take time is to rebuild.

"Destruction, hence, like creation, is one of nature's mandates." ~ Marquis de Sade

Everything takes time and this will too take time but with little support and help it will be easier for those who have lost their homes. Building a house could be a dream to many and imagine losing something that you have made out of all your earned money which you just lost one day due to heavy rain... where will one go back for shelter?

"How much wreckage and destruction justifies the creation of a better world?"
 
Let's think of ourselves in that situation and imagine what would we do? What would be a big relief for us at such time? If some monetary help we get then isnt that the need of the moment?
Let's all chip in small portion of our money, something that we daily spend on buying coffee, cigarette, tobacco, chewing gums and what not if one week we skip that and give that money to help rebuild Kerala once again, we will not only give a life to those people in need but we can also visit God's own country and enjoy vacation and see those people smile again!

 
I will request through my this post to every individual please give generously through Amazon for relief camps and through Kerala Chief Minister's Distress Relief Fund to rebuild Kerala. 
Natural calamity can happen to any country any state but all we need to do is be prepared for any such disaster.
Let's leave all our differences and be one to help each other and rebuild Kerala.
This natural disaster has brought humanity together and this tells us united we stand and rebuild and progress.

"When we destroy something created by Man, we call it Vandalism, but when we destroy something by nature we call it progress" ~ Ed Begley Jr.

~ Dawn

You know my name, not my story. You have heard what I have done, not what I have been through!

These days I am in a conflict with mind and heart. Yes, heart would like to talk a lot with the paper which means, I would love to express my thoughts and emotions but then mind tries to manipulate - Why, unnecessarily? Let it be...keep it with you!!!

My heart, which started writing as kid because I felt my pen as my heart was spelling and sharing my views with the pages of the diary that my Dad gave it to me. That was my way to open my heart which gave me the satisfaction of expressing everything and anything and yet I have the feeling of keeping it private from everyone.

Time changed and I started blogging. One should change with time isn't it? Moreover the way I groomed myself as a kid of 7-8 years old is by writing down everything which made my heart and mind feel very relieved, it is a way for me to relax and be calming.

I remember I used to tell my friends, 'not to take tension but give it to others', as a joke!

Few things that came to my mind which I felt I should write so that I get the feel that I shared it and it is out of my system!

1. Judging a person does not define who they are... It defines who you are!

If someone wants to do something for others, it's their emotions and feelings that they share with - no one has a right to call that out by names. Because every individual has different ways to express their love and respect so be mindful when you pass your judgemental remarks. It let others to think who you are!!! Never discourage others what they want to do if they share it with you that's because they consider you as a friend and trust you. Don't discourage them by judging them it tells about you and not them.

2. Everyone is a Moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody!

People sometimes due to overconfidence behave in certain way and go too far but when they find themselves in trouble and unable to cope-up with they ask for help. Now, helping is good and when you do that with all good intentions and still if things doesn't work out or help other to understand then it is better to show them the mirror. The person who actually came asking you for help changes immediately when they feel they're exposed and makes the helper a fool in front of others and moves on as a hero. The helper looks like a fool!
When the helper confronts the one who came asking for help at the first place, they say he was my childhood friend and I didn't want to lose his friendship! That's the justification they give for their act.

One can imagine what they would do to get away with their ego and false image! Here they did this because they know the childhood friend will stop talking and will spread the rumor among all the common friends and the helper will always be there as they will not lose them - a false assumption! 
I think the helper should have left them alone to deal with their problem instead of getting involved because the helper is a stranger to the childhood friend and company! One should live life on their on terms and not get involved in other's because at the end everyone is an individual let them lead it.

3.  It's funny how most people become who they promised they would never be!

When people desire something in life, they make all kinds of promises that they are the best and they are this and that and you trust them and get into the contract which binds you with them and establishes a relationship. Through out you have found that they are not what they promised they are instead they only act in front of you that way. 
When Kamala made a mistake and she was caught it became a life-long reminder for her and hence even when she wants to say anything she is restricted because she will be pointed out of her mistakes. But I believe this doesn't allow other party to keep making mistakes. Whether you smoke or drink is not the question. The question is did you not promise not to and still you continue as hide-and-seek and finally you come out saying this is how it is - the person can't do anything other than thinking let them do what they want to do, why you want to attach yourself to get hurt?
Lesson is not to trust anyone with anything after all you're human and with time you will change and you will get tired of wearing a mask all the time! You will have to come out one day so might as well be now than later!!!

4. It takes guts and humility to admit the mistakes. Admitting we're wrong is courage, not weakness!

I believe we are human and hence we do make mistakes and that is okay. Even when you read the Indian mythological stories in Ramayana, there also Ram is portrayed as the best human being still he behaves disrespectfully with his wife Sita based on what he over heard from his laundry guy, who was hitting his wife saying I am not like our King Ram who accepted his wife even though she was living captivity with another king Ravan. Ram could have set things straight by supporting his wife and by bringing awareness to his people that being captured doesn't mean you disown your people but he didn't do that, instead he did what he felt his people in the kingdom would appreciate - the question is, if it was Ram and Sita had to decide will she even think of disowning him? I doubt because women are raised always with the thought that Men can do anything and it's okay but Women are like a white cloth even a little stain would make it look ugly and hence throw it away!
Mistakes are okay and accepting the mistakes saying, yes I cheated and that is wrong on my part and I am ready to accept any punishment for that. It's humbling and learning experience for anyone though it is hurtful in heart forever for everyone. Similarly, if other person has done a mistake in indulging with something and dealing with until it became a problem for them to handle then at least one should have the guts to accept that they did that mistake. In fact, they call out other people's wrong deed and shine themselves. A little sunshine in your eyes can blind your eyesight for a moment, watch out everyone doesn't have to be that high and famous all time, even the Sun who is so powerful with its heat and light has to set at the end of the day - you're human and be the one that you preach to all!

This time the trip to India gave some time to read some useful books which enlightens your thought process through mythological stories. And relating it with the present situations, stories and scenarios it helped to understand that, life is simple and one need to keep it light and simple!

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

~ Dawn