Friday, October 12, 2018

Not every sorry deserves an "It's Okay" in return

It's so true that one person has to be courageous and come out and then others automatically gain the confidence and courage to come and share their story.
Yes, I am talking about the #MeTooMovement that has taken like a huge storm and I hope its just the beginning.



As I was reading news and on social media about women being harassed at work place or even looked at as a piece of meat, it just gives you to reflect about so many things that has happened in your own life.
Women has the toughest job to do and that is if she doesn't want to be dependent on anyone financially and she takes up a job in a company - then its basically means you're on your own. Because if you complain then the response is 'you better stay at home'.


I know there are many women who have been home makers for this reason. When a woman at work is harassed by her manager and she tries to stop him many times and yet he never stops. It reaches to a point where your colleagues ask you if you're okay because you keep going into you manager's room who keeps calling you in his room for 1 on 1s and you end up going each time because each time he says its about the project and this stress you share at home, it's not necessary that she will get a support from her loved ones saying, lets talk about it or do something about it. They will still let her go to that same workplace, to that same manager and its that same environment where she is being sent.

"We have to have the courage to tell people when their behavior or the way they talk makes us uncomfortable."

Financial support is something a woman tries to do for her family where her thinking is mainly to support her husband and family. When a husband doesn't have a job or has a business which doesn't bring in much income the support system is on the woman. At such time when she is being harassed by her manager at work, what options she has: tell at home and see what they suggest? If there is no suggestion then you know what it means, or you change your job, but whats the guarantee the next manager is going to be good? You're taking a chance but until you find another job you're stuck with the present manager because your family depends on you.

"At the end of the day, don't forget that you're a person, don't forget that you're a mother; a wife and a daughter." ~ Indira Nooyi

Women will suffer for her family and why only women? Because women are raised that way from the beginning. They are taught you're born strong so do all the hard work and yet any issue comes just be quiet and move on because women are supposed to not complain and if it's about men then oh! no!!! never complain about them because women are such a piece of meat that they will be blamed but men won't be blamed and the bad name will come to the women.
She shared with few friends and they said, 'Complain it to Human Resources, but then no idea if the next manager wants to hire you because this will be in the system. They might keep the manager because he is an employee and then they might fire you as you are a contractor".

"Show respect even to the people who don't deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours." ~ Dave Willis

Here the harassment from the manager and no security or help from husband - both are men and what should this woman do? If anyone has an answer then do comment!  

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

~ Dawn

Sunday, October 07, 2018

Women's empowerment is intertwined with respect for human rights..



I am writing this post today, because I feel we are responsible to fail humanity.
When I was growing up and used to hear stories from people and olden times, I always felt that, oh, that was then! Not anymore!!!

"I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been." ~ William Golding

But even today when I hear women treated like an object whether it’s in under developed country or a developed country – the story of women is in bizarre!
The male dominating society is creeping in like a weed everywhere and they just use women in whatever way they want to and just dump it and don’t even feel ashamed of their deeds. I mean will they be doing the same way with their mother and daughter too? I am assuming that those two relationships they might be holding too close to their heart so can their in humanness be justified if they think from that point?

I had met this young, courageous woman sometimes back and even I didn’t realize if I had any role to play in inspiring her. But recently I heard some happiness entering in her lonely life where she would get a company in life and a father figure for her teenage son. I mean when you’re meeting a single mother and/or single father, there’s certain expectation that even as a society people would expect.

The lady Rose was finally happy that her life which had a very bad and traumatic marriage life with her first one. She had lost hope and faith with the men’s world when she found this guy Jordan, who has a grown-up son too. He meets them, take them home and fulfills the ceremony of engagement and then he ends up to his friend with who’s instruction he wouldn’t do anything. And this person who is supposed to be the friend of Jordan suggests him to dump the girl as you can get many women to sleep with so why you need to marry one?

What an evil thought? If this is how the mind works then imagine how he might be looking at women in his surroundings whether its his work place, community and social gathering events, his kid’s school or for that say his wife’s women friends? I mean such a filthy guy he would be that I felt as a woman he should be exposed so that we don’t want another #MeToo moment to come in any women’s life.

"A stare, a proximity, a smile, a touch-oddly familiar. He knows you wouldn't speak, he knows you don't understand enough to speak; Me too!" ~ Nipunya Panda

Jordan one day sends message on text saying he is breaking up with her. Poor thing Rose, who has no clue why he is breaking up? What she did that she is being punished except that she knows the previous day he went for a hike with his so-called friend.



I have only thing to say to Rose, which is tough for her to handle because she loved Jordan and her son also loved him. Poor kid is going through counseling and therapy sessions as he is still not able to digest why Mom is crying, why Jordan will never come to our home?

"Her innocence, to him, was that sexual toy which he broke many times and every time fixed it with chocolates and ice-cream." ~ notypriyanka

Rose, someone tried to play with your wings and while doing that they tried to break your wings. Hence, you’re bruised but I will say get well soon and be thankful that you’re not ending up like Jordan’s previous wives who have either divorced him or have embraced death as by suicide. You need to be there for your son and that too a strong one so that your son can learn too that this world is full of horrible men and he needs to change that face by being a gentleman!

"Educate a man and you educate an individual. Educate a woman and you educate a family." ~ A. Cripps

I feel it’s a good riddance in this form for Rose that she didn’t have to lose her life, her son and her hard-earned money and house. Sometimes awakening happens in different ways and experiences.

Women have to unite to make sure men don’t miss use innocent women and just don’t disrespect when they are vulnerable.

~ Dawn

Friday, October 05, 2018

There is no certainty; there is only adventure ;)


While growing up I never thought I will leave the place which I call as home and hence the thought of blind date with the world is something not even came in my dream.
But as I started going to college and started reading things the curiosity bug bit me too. I often thought of just going to some place and keep traveling because at the end of the day what do you need – something to eat, a safe place to sleep and stay and then keep moving.
"The biggest  adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams" ~ Oprah Winfrey
I had many times discussed this with my school friends about dreaming of living in a place in a small hut where in the backside of the hut we have some vegetable garden with veggies and in front of the house are the hot springs where we cook most of our food and eat and sleep under the sky gazing stars and my Moon.
I know dreams are so beautiful and when someone says go live your dream – that’s really an action which once taken then you’re on your own.
I also took such a blind date with the world and it was in the year of 1997 when I took a one-way ticket to Toronto, Canada. I had gone through the process of immigration where I got my Permanent Residential visa and I headed to this blind date with Canada where I have no friends and/or family. I will share the journey which now I look back and feel good about taking that blind date with Canada because it changes my whole perspective about how I look at world now.
"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." ~ Jawaharlal Nehru
I remember I had only clothes in my suitcase as I had heard its very cold in Canada and so I landed in the month of April assuming it will be spring and may not be cold. Surprisingly, it was still snowing that year and I had my mixed feelings towards that. It’s beautiful how nature itself deals with all these seasonal changes and how people adapt to it too.

My journey was a struggle in the beginning because when you land at any place which is not your home, you start your bill from that moment. Not only that, there's a strangeness in the beginning and also cultural shocks which makes you to be more cautious. I somehow made use of the newspaper ads which helped me to get the rental basement space for me even though the job was still far from me. I have met many people during this struggle time and to be frank only Indians took advantage of my situation. Others, they offered help without expecting anything in return. I am not sure if I should call that out but that’s one of the experiences which happened not once but number of times.
People tried to convert me to Christianity, so they can get money from their institution and to me they suggested we will help you with the job, which was totally incorrect, and I am glad I didn’t fall for it. One thing I knew that there are no free lunches so some of the proverbs that I learnt in school did actually help me from not making mistakes.
"Life is an adventure, it's not a package tour." ~ Eckhart Tolle 
But then in all this, you tend to find yourself safe in the custody of your race and people and that’s what lead me to suffer. The moment I freed my mind from that, I felt a relief and freedom from all tie-ups, taboos and everything. It’s all about your mind believe me. I decided to move out of renting in someone’s house and went to rent a one-bedroom apartment where I had my freedom and independence to live. It not only gave me my space, but it also taught me how to not look to lean all the time.
I found a small job as a part-time cashier with minimum wage, but again it was the mind which said this is not what you came here for and so I decided in 4 months I need to move on from here. And believe me sometimes you got to make your decision from your mind and not heart, because only then you can do things that your heart wants.
One after the other jobs and finally I ended up in a Bank and it completely changed my life, from an HR field to technology field. The merge was amazing, and the transition was such that I figured out my actual interest, which is people and technology that enables people to do things. I guess the blend of this helped me to move from one company to the other and one place to the other, and now I am in California, USA.
I think we should all blind date with the world, so we understand people and life better. Sitting in a comfort zone can make anyone do anything that they feel is right but actual life is in traveling and understanding the life of different people. So, I love this blind date which made me to marry to traveling :).

It’s true that blind date is not always about happy ending, because many ups and downs are there which occurred in my life too because of meeting wrong people at the wrong time and place but the better lesson you learn and move out from there. Because life always gives you another chance and that’s up to us to see and grab it.

"Life experience is what defines our character, even if it means getting your heart broken or being lied to. You know, you need the downs to appreciate the ups. Going on the adventure or taking that risk is important." ~ Nev Schulman
As I was getting comfortable with my date in Toronto, I decided to do another blind date with San Francisco, in California USA. Let me tell you, it was not a very happy one. I feel when there is a change, it does bring some turbulence, but one got to hold on to it and stay strong that’s what I did. Initial days I didn’t like US. It was something like I started comparing between Canada and USA. Everything I related it that way, whether its people, place, behavior or even the process in banking etc. I realized I was missing Canada very much because it was my first blind date with whom I fell in love, so the first love is always there as special in my heart. I guess no one will understand that because that journey I had taken alone and every corner of the place, city, people have made an impact on me. It is difficult to not be connected with a place where I started from scratch and built my home finally.
Over the period, I went back to visit and be at every place that I lived in, walked around and worked around and after that when I came back to California it was kind of be at peace.

"Life would be pretty boring if I didn't explore. It's about letting my ears take me on an adventure to soak in everything I can." ~ Trombone Shorty

I would like to go for another blind date and I am just going to go for that soon!

~ Dawn

Think and reflect upon!

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